A university friend has recently died after being ill for some years. We were close at university but grew apart as we live at opposite ends of the country, had families, careers etc. We reconnected via facebook 10 or so years ago and have become quite close again, although only via the internet.
She has 2 children from her first marriage and one from her second. The DD from her second marriage and DD's DS lived with her. DD never lived with the father of her DS. This DD has never got on with her older half siblings and has often tried to put a wedge between my friend and her other children. They have some resentment about how much friend did for younger DD in terms of financial support and child care.
Didn't want to drip feed so apologies for length.
I emailed the younger DD asking if there was a charity to donate to in her mother's memory. I received a terse reply saying charity begins at home and she would like a cheque made out to her to go towards funeral expenses.
My friend had more than enough in savings to pay for her funeral. it was something we talked about in her last weeks. She has made a will and everything is to be split 3 ways. I imagine the youngest DD expected to be left the house, or hoped.
So AIBU in not sending her a cheque but in making a donation direct to cancer research? And should I tell the other children about the email being sent out, I imagine I'm not the only one to have received it.