I will try to be very very balanced here though it’s hard, I am one of the children (now all adults) in this scenario so I probably carry some bias.
Two people, A + B. Plus 4 children.
I will explain both and see what MN thinks.
Parent A - Loving parent sometimes but mainly quite cold and unbothered. When not sitting in their armchair smoking and watching TV parent A could be found, shouting at us (children) for what I now know to be very minor infractions. Incidents include over 40 mins of screaming in a 5 year olds face for spilling ribena in the kitchen (by accident of course.) Slamming doors, giving everyone daggers, slamming cupboard doors, throwing things and generally creating an atmosphere. Would occasionally “clip”/slap us.
Parent A would behave aggressively to parent B and prevented them from holding down a job or having any money of their own (such as a bank card, benefit claim or job. They would always sabotage it or act insulted) I remember clearly parent A threatening to “Gut” parent B “like a fucking fish” for trying to set up their own JSA claim.
Would berate us all for nothing including demanding parent B (or one of us) re-do house work that was not to A’s standards even if A would refuse to help. This includes tipping every washed dish back into the sink due to “dirt” that could not be seen by anyone but parent A.
As we got older (once parent B left the family home) parent A became very manipulative and would worm around us to get info to then use against us. Such as one of us getting a boyfriend at 16. When parent A weedled the info out with repeated assurances that they would not judge them for having a boyfriend they turned on the child in question and called her a slut/slag/whore and so on. Many such instances occurred so we all simply stopped telling parent A anything and mostly lived in fear of them. We all lived with parent A until 16/17 (we all moved out ASAP).
Parent B very affectionate and loving, very caring and was primary carer while parent A did very little. I have no recollection of parent A ever doing the school pick ups or drop offs despite not working, this was all parent B. Usually very calm and kind. Fairly non judgemental and not particularly snappy.
However parent B was prone to the occasional (perhaps once a year/every 2) blow up. These started when I was around 8 after several bad incidents including parent A (making B quit a well paid job they loved was one catalyst) I can think of 3 incidents where parent B became destructive, broke items and cried into their hands afterward.
Parent B rarely hit us, but did punch the eldest once 
I do not know why this happened . The younger ones were occasionally clipped/smacked but nothing further. I am under the impression the pressure of living under parent A’s roof and their control is what may have caused this parent to act aggressively to the extent that they did, as 99% of the time they were not nasty or mean. They did most of the cooking, cleaning and shopping. However their cash flow was restricted and they were shouted at by parent A if they overspent on food or essentials leading to us sometimes going without (the last week of the month was usually v sparse)
No emotional abuse toward me (or as far as I’m aware the others)
However On one occasion they smashed up the house damaging the living room furniture and causing a couple k worth of damages, when parent A was allegedly caught cheating. The eldest child has some knowledge of this and claims parent A did cheat but the rest of us were too young to have much knowledge of what was going down.
We ranged in age from 5-17 when parent B went to prison for the above incident and when let out was not allowed contact with us again. Parent B has recently sent me a fb request which I have not responded to yet but I have not seen them for almost ten years (I am early 20’s)
I am not attempting to excuse either parent however parent A likes to deny their wrongdoings completely and acts as though they were 100% in the right. Regularly refers to parent B (when mentioned) as “Evil” and abusive among other things. If any of us bring up the many bad things parent A did or their laziness (when parent B left the housework and such was heaped onto the two eldest children) they deny it and try to make us all sound crazy. Parent A has tried to drive many wedges between my siblings and I.
So can I get some fresh eyes and opinions on this? I have been thinking of the past a lot and hope to get some clarity now I am older.
Any opinions or criticisms welcome.
Thank you so much.