People feeding my daughter junk food

[CuntyMcBollocks]

I'm fed up with it! Its constant.

I try to encourage my dd (4 years old) to eat a proper meal, but mine and my DH's family constantly undermine me and will give her sweets and chocolate bars. I don't mind her having some, but I just want her to eat a proper meal first. Its driving me mad!!

My FIL will let her eat a giant bag of Cadbury buttons if I'm not there to tell him not to.

Our family are lovely in every other way, but my dd gets far too many treats 'just because'. She expects stuff every time we are in a shop (I'll say NO and look like the bad guy), whereas other family members will let her have whatever she wants; usually sherbet, which sends her crazy, and it's me and her dad who are left to deal with a loony 4year old on a sugar rush.

How can I tell people without sounding like a kill joy?

Are they doing lots of childcare for you or do you live with them as they have so much access to DD at mealtimes without you?

Have you told them directly you don't want her having this stuff?

No, they don't do childcare for me, and we don't live with them. It's just whenever we visit them and I say the my dd is going to have her dinner, they still give her rubbish, so she wont eat her dinner.

I really wouldn't mind if it was a one off/ treat, but it's all the time!

Don't ever worry about 'looking like the bad guy'. You are her parent and it's not a popularity contest.

Be firm with people who give your child too much junk. Don't worry about 'offending' them, just be firmly polite but not rude.

Sherbet won't be sending her 'crazy'. If she's 'crazy' at all it won't be because of some imagined sugar rush.

It's just whenever we visit them and I say the my dd is going to have her dinner, they still give her rubbish, so she wont eat her dinner.

But if you and her dad are there, how does she manage to actually eat the 'rubbish' right before dinner?

So tell them no and take it away from her and tell her she can have X after dinner.

Visit at times when you're not going straight home to eat

Cut down the number of visits if they are funny about you taking the treats away

Your her parent, but you have to assert yourself in that role which is doesn't sound like you're doing. If you're there several times a week, you're presumably fairly comfortable with them. Tell them directly you don't want them to offer her more than say a small pack of buttons or something to take home

Because they will just give it to her any way. We will say NO but my fil takes her to the shop/ park and buys her sweets. I don't want to stop her seeing her grandad and other family, but it just feels like a constant battle.

I've been at family's houses and specifically told them not to let my dd have anything before her dinner, but they give it to her anyway. They are genuinely very nice people, but just give in to my dd when she demands things, even though I'm there to say NO.

So if its in the house say no. If thry say we'll take her to the park say you'll go too. Yes they're wring to do it but you're letting them do it.

It’s simple you tell them straight “NO”
You say what your child can and cannot eat .
Nobody else

I do take things off of her, but they will then give her something anyway. They don't do childcare as such, but if I pop to the shops etc, my dd will then tell me what she has had.

I'm always telling them that she shouldnt have things and to wait until after her dinner, but it falls on deaf ears.

That wouldn't bother me to be honest. We eat a very strict plant-based diet at home. My DC are very healthy because of that. If they go to friends I always say they can make their own choices as I don't want them stigmatised as the 'weird vegan kids' or feel they're missing out. Most of the time they do make healthy choices, although DD came home last week telling me about this amazing 'Happy Box' that her friend's mum had bought her from McDonalds .

Just feed your DD well at home and then the occasional treats won't matter.

Tell them to buy her fruit, cherries, strawberries ,apples, oranges , raspberries , blueberries .
As long as she has no allergies then this is my advice .

I have told everyone a straight 'NO' but they keep giving her junk food. I'm not going to stop my dd from seeing her family over this, but I need a different approach I think.

Isn't sherbets quite acidic? If so that will be softening the enamel on her teeth.

There's also another thread currently where the OP's MIL(?) has been secreting sweets for the OP's young son under the wardrobe in his room for him to eat after he's brushed his teeth and gone to bed over several months. This resulted in the child having to have several teeth removed - and the mother being blamed by the MIL!

Maybe google "tooth decay in children" or look st www.nhs.uk and let them see/read the results.

Stuck to your guns OP.

I do take things off of her, but they will then give her something anyway so you take that off her too and say you're going to go home now as she's just going to get upset.

if I pop to the shops etc, my dd will then tell me what she has had so go to the shops en route. They can't be trusted alone with her so don't leave her.

It might be tough at first op but the only person who can change this is you (or DH)

CuntyMcBollocks,
Is this your Real Username ? I hope it is as we are talking about a child, your child and we are trying to give you are honest opinions and advice as mums/dads on here .

It comes down to frequency, once a month is ok, won't hurt her whereas twice a week is a big problem. I suggest you time visits wherever possible so she eats a meal first (eg have a proper lunch and just a sandwich later as she will have had sweets ( the second thing is to work on appropriate portion sizes with them - a freddo, fudge or single milky way is not the same a big adult size bar - perhaps they could keep a box of fun size bars that she can have one or two each visit.

MarieFromStTropez I honestly do try to get my dd to eat well at home. I cook -almost--every day and I will cook what my dd likes, but most of the time she will say she wants something, only for her to say she doesn't want it when it's there in front of her.

Avamiah My dd WILL eat fruit, but I think she is so used to having her own way with family, that she gets so bloody stubborn!! My step dad will always offer her fruit ( he grows his own and let's my dd pick it herself). Sometimes she will eat it, mostly she won't. It sits at home for days.

HappyNow001 Its not the sherbet itself, per se, but it's the blue stuff full of e-numbers that she is given, and it really does sense her crazy. Her aunt would give her the blue bon bons (which I hate anyway, as they are a choke risk) but she has listened to me and doesn't let her have them any more, but some other family members STILL let her have crap.

send not sense

So don’t leave her unsupervised with your family and intercept any treats before she starts to eat them. That can be done. If you don’t, you’re setting her up for health problems later. Why let that happen?

My in-laws are fairly good they just send the junk food home with us, and I don't give it to them.
My mum just ignores me and gives them junk, I just take it away and say no.
If I was you I would take it away and say no thanks, and if she is there without you don't worry just make that the treat for the week.

If they can't be trusted you can't leave your DD with them unsupervised. Cut the visits etc. I know you aren't using them for childcare but the visits must be quite frequent if they are bothering you. My DS gets a bit spoiled by my parents with sweets etc but they know not to give loads before a meal.

How often are you actually visiting OP?
And how often of that does she spend some alone time with the whilst you pop to the shops or they take her to the park etc?