To resist homeschooling

[IrisMarch]

I have NCd either through cowardice or to protect the innocent.

Just had Ed Psych report which says 5yo and school don't really mix. Reception year has been worse than I realised, no positive benefits at all as far as I can see but a number of negative outcomes.

Tests revealed motor coordination in bottom 4%, IQ in top 2% which is causing some of the behavioual problems. A neurodevelopmental disorder was diagnosed.

"EHCP should consider suitability of child functioning within structured formal classroom"

I know getting an EHCP could take months or more and even then it's hard to see what school could even do other than give 1 to 1 tuition in a separate room most of the day. On the ed psych's school observation child spent a grand total of 20 minutes joining in to an extent. Completely disruptive or disengaged the rest of the time. Probable reason for not being disruptive during said 20 minutes was presence of another class containing several even more disruptive children. Must be a complete nightmare for the teacher.

I'm not at all keen to homeschool 100% and take on total responsibility for education, therapeutic input, equipment etc I'd have major difficulties in getting childcare while working and can't give up work. I would be up for a reduced timetable or flexischooling if allowed.

OTOH can I continue to put this child through such a damaging experience?

I know I haven't given a lot of detail and I'm happy to give more.

I have absolutely no idea how to handle this but, from experience, I believe you very possibly do.

Sadly specialist provision for young people who are academically able is very much lacking.

Op, had similar with DD - combination of very bright and SEN. A combination of medicating ADHD and her having 1 to 1 in school helped through primary. I admit that we have had to battle to get help. Initially we self funded but other posters are correct just get the EHCP. You will need it and it’s better to get it early - we didn’t help ourselves trying to work round the system. There is help out there (both free and paid for advisers), it’s just finding it. Id try the SEN board with details of where you are so hopefully someone can signpost you to help. You will get through this you just have to fight. SEN provision is woefully inadequate but there are good places out there.

What cutantrim said with bells on!! We are on a similar journey to you but thankfully DS amazing nursery caught the signs early before he started school, luckily I have a good friend with a DS who had similar issues who told me about a centre that does private adhd and asd assessment so we had that done. As soon as it was confirmed we applied for the EHCP. Initially rejected we insisted on a meeting with council and took the school sendco, nursery sendco and someone from a charity that supports families in this situation. We went armed with folders and legalese about our right to support and they changed their minds and are now progressing it. We're aware we're at the start of a very long and stressful journey to get him an education but I'm going to fight every step of the way to get him what he needs. There's no way I could home school a normal child let alone one with sen. My view is I've paid quite a lot of tax in my time and fully support the social net this creates but I haven't asked for much back until now so I'll be damned if he's not getting it. As pp said the sen boards on here are really helpful. I wish you good luck and strength.

You need to request an EHCP!
You and the school need to be very thorough in recording what they are doing to accommodate him (the best reports I've heard of the school listed the financials to the point of the pension contributions made by the school for the TAs involved with the child). You need to record all the specialists involved etc.

The special school that is right for your son may not be that local - lots of children with SN have quite long journeys every day (or board).
You need to start investigating and looking at any possible schools. It would also be helpful to get into any SN parent networks in your area - go to coffee mornings/meetings and pick brains.
Would you consider moving?

In some ways if he doesn't "join in" then homeschool would not be helpful - as his greatest need is to learn social skills, if he is that bright he can pick up the academic stuff in a straightforward way at some point.

When you do get an ehc make sure it is watertight specific. They tend to write them in quite a woolly way to avoid being held to them. Ds said something along the lines of “will require support in lessons” and it took a lot of fight to get that rewritten as “will access a minimum of 25 hours 1-1 from a teaching assistant each week”

If full time 1:1 in a separate room is what is needed to keep him in school then you can push for this to be on the EHCP. It would be independent specialist rather than maintained special school although the LA may try to push you in the direction of a maintained school.

Thank you

Can I ask those posting about EHCPs... do you need a confirmed diagnosis before you can start the application process?

No, we had an ehc before the diagnosis process was finished. It should be needs based not diagnosis based

Push for echp. Go and look at small private primary schools.

Your situation sounds very difficult but you sound realistic and calm! I hope this situation improves for you! My school would definitely support a part time timetable. It definitely sounds better than the current situation. Flexi schooling can work but in my experience everyone prefers a set part time timetable so that the child gets used to the routine and expectations. Wishing you lots of future happiness.

Your DD sounds like a carbon copy of my nephew, school said all the same things about him. He had been diagnosed ASD & ADHD from before he started school, he started in a mainstream school & struggled to the point he wasn't learning anything, he couldn't interact with the other pupils, couldn't communicate how he was feeling, spent half the day sat in the staff room or wandering round the school because he took himself away from the noise of the classroom. His parents knew he was bright, my sil is a teacher & he could read, write & do number work before he started school, it was just school itself he couldnt cope with. After appealing & going to tribunal he got a place at a school run by the Autistic Society, classes are no more than 4 pupils, he is at last flourishing, as well as doing academic subjects, they do things like cooking, gardening, lifeskills like going to shops & cafes. He has found a talent for wood carving & at the age of 11 is making the most intricate carvings of swords & shields, he still is a loner & when he comes home he does his own thing on his own & spends time investigating things he is interested in on the internet, drawing, cooking & he goes to a climbing centre to do wall climbing 1 to 1 with an instructor which he loves. The meltdowns he used to have when he came home are less frequent now, he can stay at this school until he is 19 . I'm not saying that your DD is autistic or has ADHD but that there will be somewhere that she can find her own place, it's just finding it.

Dear Iris,
I’m going to urge you to consider homeschooling. Our son had a mixed profile as well (bright but with a behavioral challenge). He bounced between schools between 3 and 7 before we pulled the plug last year and my husband has homeschooled. It’s been a brilliant success. It isn’t a permanent solution but it’s allowed us to deal with so many of his challenges and get him ready to go back at some point.

A few points. Even if you get an EHCP you won’t see him educated to the level he is capable at. There are VERY few schools that will do primary gifted Ed in state sector. None that I know of that will do behavior challenges as well. And both issues feed into each other. Kids misbehave when they are bored. (Also suggest you join the FB group Potential Plus UK). Not focusing on the gifted kids is policy in most primary schools, who focus on the kids who need extra support educationally. That means high learning potential kids get bored quickly. That has been our experience and we know many others like us. Private schools may teach to his level but they don’t want behavioral challenges. But it’s worth looking at private if the behaviors are not too challenging—some can cope. (All will say they can deal with special needs because they have to by law but in practice this may not be the case.)

Homeschooling was daunting at first. But turns out that between the ages of 5 and 10 the challenges are not that difficult at all. And once you have a routine and a timetable it’s fine. I think in a year my husband has had only two days where things were super difficult. Also you need not think of it as a permanent solution. We hope our son will go back well before 11. You might only need a year or two. (Also you might need an OT to help with motor skills.) On challenges.... There are online courses you can buy if you want support with the teaching. Or you can get a tutor. We do English via Skype with a teacher. Maths we bought an online course with video instruction, online tests and a course tutor. Formal teaching doesn’t need to occupy more than an hour or two a day at that age. And the best thing of all is that there is this huge network of Home-school parents and kids which organse activities and kids make friends. My son does football and skateboarding, multi sports and trampolining. And you can plug into after school clubs as well. You can join the home school groups via FB if you decide to Home school and plug into the meetups and gatherings. Son also does half a day a week of Forest School—which you should look into. Which is fab. We are based in London which means there is a lot to choose from.

So I’m going to say that you have super great reasons for not wanting the stress and hassle of home Ed. But what I would say is that as time goes on, and if you find your son not thriving, and there being few other options that you may find it’s a great solution. It’s the difference between an off the peg suit vs one made to measure. For kids with unusual profiles, it can work really well. You can see his lagging skills as they happen and then give him extra support and classes in those areas. As they get older, things change. They learn to regulate themselves and accommodate their challenges and if he is bright he can test into a selective school that will meet his Ed needs. Best of luck and big hugs.

We have a similar challenge with pur oldest who - for slightly different reasons- doesn’t fit into regular school. luckily we can (just about) afford an independent school where is is doing very well. Most independent schools have bursaries, it might be worth asking! you’ll need one that puts caring ethos before performance but still gets great results (which basically means they specialise on the bright but non-standard kids)

Apply for the ehcp urgently. Its a 26 week process. Its done on need not diagnosis although i would say diagnosis helped us.
I dont know where you are in the counrty but look at the Local Offer for any LA area you can feasibly access and see which special schools are available. Also look on the government website for section 41 schools (independent special schools) and see if there are any near you.

You arent unreasonable for not wanting to do 'education other than at school' but if it does happen there are lots of things the ehcp should fund. Round my way there are a few farms that do 3 hours in the morning for instance. The difficult bit is how to work.

Without wanting to depress you i would caution against leaving a child in an unsuitable environment. Mine had a nervous breakdown and its taken a year to recover (which has been fine as it took a year to find a special school to take him)

I would post in the SN Children forum - some very knowledgable people will reply. Use the summer to research and get yourself ready to apply for an EHCP (whatever you think of the present school you have primary/secondary/further education ahead - a well written, specific EHCP is really important). I would advise against home schooling - look at different schools, get an EHCP and get some professionals in your corner. I speak from experience my son has had an EHCP (started out as a Statement) since reception and is now sixteen.

I just had an interesting reaction from the school SENCO ie initial surprise at the suggestion my child may not be able to stay in a mainstream classroom.

The SENCO wants to read the report in detail and make an Individual Education Plan and timetable before September. I think they plan to write an EHCP application during the Autumn term.

Should I let this run it's course? or should I try to negotiate less time in school for "education elsewhere" ie physical stuff to address motor problems and 1to1 tutoring done mostly by me (I have ancient teaching experience and still occasionally tutor)?

The report says there's a danger of my child being completely put off learning.

Posting just now revealed lots of very useful replies pro and not pro homeschooling in my situation. Every single one is helpful. Thank you all so much.

When does the school close for the summer? If still open I would get back in touch with the SENCO. Ask to have the individual timetable/plan emailed to you before school starts in September. Start to put on some pressure. Also ask for a 'team around the child' meeting to be set up and to meet in September - you, SENCO, Educational Psychologists- to start writing the EHCP. Get yourself informed - reach out to local groups/parent groups - get yourself armed with information and an advocate if you feel it helpful. I would recommend keeping your child in school and becoming 'that parent' rather than negotiating a reduced timetable. Keep yourself in the role of Mum rather than Mum/teacher - just be prepared to fight.

If the ed psych says that your child and mainstream school dont mix, then you have a very good case for an EHCP, and I suggest you get the SENCO on the case as quick as you can, and then you can start the process for a SEN school which is likely to be a lot more nurturing and much smaller classes with a holistic education.

You dont have to homeschool, and if you think the school cannot meet the childs needs, then SEN school is the next step. They are usually lovely. Maybe go round and have a look at the ones closest to you

Motor skills can be addressed in school (2 DDs with motor skills assessed in bottom 1% here). Exercises to help core strength etc. Swimming is also great for core stability. Motor skills is probably the least of the issues however.

As advised upthread, I'd definitely let the EHCP etc run its course, get down what is needed etc. You might need short term pain for long term gain, i.e. he might need to 'fail' in a normal classroom to get the need for support recognised.

what I most worry about on this thread is the extent to which people seem concerned about a lack of progress or focus in their childs school work...

Progress isn't linear.....your child can be learning without it being visible on the outside so to speak....then suddenly they leap forward for no apparent reason. I also think its nuts to be worried about 5/6 yo who don't seem overly focused.

I don't think a 5 yo is supposed to be focused. They are supposed to be out exploring the world, possibly at random if that is how their brains are currently wired.

That doesn't mean they will always be haphazard!

My DD was in a world of her own aged 5....and we did homeschool for that and other reasons. She's now 8 and with no practice or emphasis from us whatsoever has spontaneously transformed into someone who can draw/paint for 6 hours straight, or sit and read a 100 page book in a day.

The point being that kids change. They aren't all ready to focus at 5. That doesn't mean they never will......

when they say able to focus, they mean relative to other children of the same age, and they do take into account individual variations. They arent saying your child is terrible or defective. They are looking at whether they can meet your childs specific needs in a mainstream classroom setting @M3lon . Im glad your child is thriving at home, but OP doesnt want to, so its silly to say that children of that age arent supposed to be able to focus. They are supposed to be able to focus somewhat in this setting and if they cant, then the parent, the school and the local authority have a duty to find something that works better for THAT child

Thank you M3lon and Branleuse

I think the report is essentially saying your approach is what should be happening M3lon and is quite circumspect about whether that can be achieved in school pointing to the sort of path you describe Branleuse which would require a lot of input from school.

I hope whatever course we are on during the next academic year doesn't put my child off learning for a long time.

pinksquash are you a teacher?