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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are friends really friends?

14 replies

Boujee · 21/07/2019 21:47

I have (had) two best friends and one of the them l went into business with. We'll call her Sarah. Anyway I found out that Sarah had betrayed our friendship very badly which ended our business together, (I have proof of this) Obviously l talked to my other friend about it and showed her the proof, she was horrified and said all the right things. Anyway fast forward a few months later and friend told me she had seen Sarah and actively went over as Sarah had her back to her and had a lovely little chat to her. I didn't say anything but was really hurt inwardly that she would do this after knowing what she did to me. Aibu to feel like this? I know Sarah didn't do anything to my other friend but still?

OP posts:

BobTheFishermansWife · 21/07/2019 21:50

If she Sarah's friend as much as she is yours as your post suggests, you can't have her pick sides, mainly for the reason you pointed out, Sarah didn't do anything to her.

Original poster

Boujee · 21/07/2019 21:51

They know each other but aren't friends.

OP posts:

VivienneHolt · 21/07/2019 21:52

Don’t break your heart worrying about other people’s relationships with each other. It’s complicated and messy and difficult. You have done the right thing for yourself by cutting Sarah out of your life, but you will alienate people and be miserable if you try to control or influence the way other people interact with her.

MyFokMarelize · 21/07/2019 21:53

YABU I'm afraid. You really can't expect grown adults to take sides and freeze out people who have wronged you. It's just too playground. Rather find yourself some decent friends.

Original poster

Boujee · 21/07/2019 21:57

It really wasn't playground stuff, it was very serious and as they aren't friends l just feel a little bit let down. If the roles were reversed, l wouldn't do it but perhaps that's just me.

OP posts:

wheelywheelynice · 21/07/2019 22:14

You are not BU, I think she was being disloyal by talking to Sarah because she has done a terrible thing to you, and who would willingly want to engage with a person like that?
Or maybe I'm just weird in that I look for moral fibre in the people I associate with.

Original poster

Boujee · 21/07/2019 22:26

Thank you wheelywheelynice, thats how l feel, l didn't say anything to her as l understand she's free to talk to who she wants, but inwardly l felt hurt because she knows everything that happened, l guess l need to choose my friends more carefully.

OP posts:

HennyPennyHorror · 21/07/2019 22:35

This exact scenario happened to me! My friend had a business and her business partner was a nutjob who betrayed her.

When my friend ended the partnership, the ex friend also became my ex friend. She'd shown her true colours and I wanted nothing to do with her.

But another friend continued being mates with the ex friend...so the original friend couldn't really stay friends with either of them then!!

Original poster

Boujee · 21/07/2019 22:49

Perhaps it's because of what happened l now look into things more, l don't know, l obviously still want our friendship but l don't feel quite the same about it anymore. HennyPennyHorror I hope your friend is ok.

OP posts:

iwunderwhy · 22/07/2019 04:58

I agree with OP and @wheelywheelynice. Its hard when you really want a friendship which makes you willing to overlook bad behaviour but she's already betrayed your trust by chumming up to an enemy, which means it can happen again. As Maya Angelou said 'When someone shows you who they are, believe them'!

InTheHeatofLisbon · 22/07/2019 05:51

I wouldn't speak to someone who had deliberately hurt one of my close friends.

historysock · 22/07/2019 06:18

My best friend had an affair with my now exh. There were four friends in our group of which I was one, she was another. One of the other two cut her off immediately and was almost as hurt by it all as me-she had also by extension been lying to her.The other stopped seeing her for a while but still talks to her (and my exh). We are still friendly but no longer close as I just find it too upsetting.

What I have learned is that it's very rare for people to do anything that isn't motivated by self. It would be awkward for friend 2 not to speak to the affair friend-their younger children are friendly),so she carries on doing so.
As adults I accept that we don't own anyone, but I do struggle with the levels of selfishness in lots of people. (My other friend has been absolutely amazing which is good).

I would be hurt by what your friend did in chatting to the person that hurt you. But there is probably little point in saying anything as the way she will probably justify it will hurt you more... just set your inner walls up carefully-you now know who you can trust and who you can't. You can still be friends but you can't rely on her really.

Hithere12 · 22/07/2019 06:48

I don’t blame you for being hurt. I’d probably ditch them both but it’s up to you.

BettyJune07 · 22/07/2019 10:10

Simple answer to your question in my experience is no they aren't.

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