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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU?

54 replies

NotMoneyRich · 21/07/2019 21:21

Evening all, I have NCd and I'll keep it anonymous to see who is genuinely unreasonable.

Person A has recently completed their training and has been applying for jobs. Unfortunately, unsuccessfully. Due to the time of year it is, there will be no more job opportunities for a while. Despite this, person A is looking for any and all jobs every day.

Person B asks person A if there's any new jobs today out of curiosity. Person A replies no.

A few hours later, person B tells person A that they have looking at jobs for A and have they thought about applying for XYZ? A says that they've seen the jobs and are not suitable.

Person A is now angry with B because they feel like B is checking up on them and not believing that A is trying their best. B is angry that A is angry because they were just taking an interest and trying to be helpful.

Who is BU?

Or could it be the stress of money and the future are making both people on edge and snappy? Are both BU?

OP posts:
MollyButton · 21/07/2019 22:14

Well I think A is a NQT teacher who hasn't got a job - maybe you live in the wrong part of the country?
Maybe they should be considering Supply teaching, and signing up with an agency.
B may or may not be trying to be helpful.

Ifancythor · 21/07/2019 22:20

I think A was being U, possibly feeling very stressed etc and took Bs caring not the wrong way perhaps

SD1978 · 21/07/2019 22:26

I'm going with your B- A didn't believe the jobs were suitable and you think they should just take anything. I think that A needs to accept anything, and B needs to be more up front that they want A to take anything going.

TheQueenSnortsAvocados · 21/07/2019 22:41

Well I think A is a NQT teacher who hasn't got a job

That's exactly what I thought @MollyButton

WhiteDust · 21/07/2019 22:47

Is A a NQ teacher?
If so, B needs to back off as

  1. Jobs start appearing again in Sept/Oct and
  2. If there are no jobs at first there will be supply work.

I think B was interfering. A maybe be a bit stressed/ may have had a knock in confidence if they haven't secured a job yet.

Does B work?

fedup21 · 21/07/2019 22:52

Well I think A is a NQT teacher who hasn't got a job

That was my first thought too.

If the person working is the sole wage earner, I can see why they would be stressed and be suggesting alternatives. I have done the same when my DH was out of work.

What is he/they suggesting with the jobs-what sort of things?

Can’t you get something to tide you over in the holidays?

NaviSprite · 21/07/2019 23:00

I have been person A and my DH person B in this scenario (minus the training for a specialist field - I do realise that makes a difference).

I think person B was trying to be helpful but when you’re in the position of trying your best like person A - it can make comments like that seem very judgmental.

Has person B been the sole earner whilst person A has been training? It doesn’t excuse the pushing for unsuitable fields of work but maybe financial pressures are contributing to person B’s questions?

When I was looking for work and applying for roles that matched my skill set the best I was getting nowhere fast. I fell into that annoying dead space between overqualified for starting positions within similar industry positions but not qualified enough to go in at a slightly higher level.

I didn’t want to compromise though because I know what roles I can do well in. But after a few months of little to no luck, my DH told me he couldn’t keep going forward being the only earner as he’s not paid brilliantly and the stress of keeping a roof over our heads/food on the table etc. was eating away at him.

I heard him loud and clear and just went for any jobs I could to get us out of our rut. I continued looking for work within the industry I’m best suited to, but was earning at the same time.

Now that was before we had our DC so I can’t speak to the added pressures on both sides with a child in the mix. Maybe person A and person B need to have an open conversation about expectations and needs (providing both are usually fair and level headed people of course Smile)

SpoonBlender · 21/07/2019 23:02

My guess: B is trying to be helpful, A is taking it badly because they're feeling guilty about not succeeding.

user1471449295 · 21/07/2019 23:04

Sounds like B is trying to help A get a job. No one seems unreasonable. A sounds a little touchy. B might be concerned that they are solely burdened financially at the moment

fedup21 · 21/07/2019 23:06

OP, are you going to clarify any details? Is person B the only one working to pay the bills? Is person A bring any money in?

Original poster
NotMoneyRich · 21/07/2019 23:18

Thanks for all your replies, some fair comments made.

I am person A and yes, I've just qualified as a teacher. I've been trying my best to get a job whilst completing my final teaching practice. I've applied for 30+ jobs and had 1 interview.

I am signing up to supply agencies but need a second job. Due to childcare funding, I need a 16 hour contract doing something and supply doesn't cover that. I've been looking at regular jobs too but they don't offer much hours either.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 21/07/2019 23:37

So, you’re not bringing in any money at all? I can understand why your DH is stressed.

Can you work in a supermarket/off licence/shop until September?

Where are you? All jobs go to NQTs here as they are cheap-it’s teachers 4+ years in who are stuffed.

Chloemol · 21/07/2019 23:46

Sounds like B is checking up, not helping

hadthesnip2 · 22/07/2019 00:29

@chloemol. Why do you say that. If the roles were reversed I'm sure the view would be that he has to get his arse in gear & get a job so he can support his family.

Typical mumsnet hypocrisy.

MamaOomMowWow · 22/07/2019 01:56

It depends but I'm leaning towards YABU/person A IBU.

If the jobs that B found were objectively unsuitable then why are you upset? Or is there an issue where you are being pickier than B thinks you should be?

RebootYourEngine · 22/07/2019 04:20

I don't think either is being unreasonable. They both have different view points.

You A probably feel a bit stressed, annoyed, sad that you can't find work. B, your DH, was probably just trying to be helpful but it came across as being a little bit controlling.

Good luck in your job search.

MollyButton · 22/07/2019 07:09

You have my sympathy. I would suggest that you point out to B how many jobs you have applied for, and maybe those jobs you can't consider because they are in Cornwall or Northumberland or London (whichever is furthest away). Can you look into doing some tutoring on the side?
Could you get an older teacher to have a word with him.

And good luck!

swingofthings · 22/07/2019 07:26

Totally depends on personalities. If B has a tendency to be controlling in every day life, then their 'being helpful' is an excuse for trying to take over. If A has a habit of being a.it complacent, entitled, or not as good as B looking for jobs, then it is fair enough B would want to help or even check.

fedup21 · 22/07/2019 07:42

I am signing up to supply agencies but need a second job

There will obviously be no supply work after this week so you’re not looking for a second job, it’s just a job!

What jobs has he found for you that aren’t suitable?

I worked in an off licence all summer before I started my NQT job-just to keep some money coming in.

fedup21 · 22/07/2019 07:45

I've applied for 30+ jobs and had 1 interview.

Over 30 jobs and only one interview-this surprises me as most NQTs get their hands bitten off as they are all schools can afford. I suspect there is an issue here somewhere with your application/personal statement. Or do you live somewhere remote?

Or have you qualified to be a teacher of something really unusual?

Teachermaths · 22/07/2019 08:12

Are you in an area with a glut of teachers?! We can't recruit for love nor money here.

You need to find something now. You can't have 6 weeks off doing nothing. Get a supermarket /seasonal job. Sort the teaching job in September. It's unlikely many jobs will be advertised in September as most places have staff. However there will be a few.

I'd take anything for now.

fedup21 · 22/07/2019 09:04

Even if you get a job at the very start of September, you won’t get paid for months from now. In all likelihood thought it’ll be October half term or January-so you do need something else.

I would seriously get an experienced teacher to look over your personal statement though.

Original poster
NotMoneyRich · 22/07/2019 09:12

My letter is strong, my mentor, head teacher and an other head teacher like it. It's just a crappy year for jobs. Each job has at least 60 applicants and they're just the ones who go on the walk arounds. I only know 2 people on my course who have secured a teaching position.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 22/07/2019 10:31

Wow. It certainly isn’t a crappy year here for jobs.

Which county do you live in?!

Chloemol · 22/07/2019 17:35

@hadthesnip2 what are you chatting about! All I said what it sounds like B is checking up, and at the time I posted I had no idea what sex they were. Dont go taking your sexist hypocrisy rubbish out on me it doesn’t matter if A was male does it, it still sound like B was checking up