To be annoyed by my parents lack of interest

[Frugalfox]

I don’t have the best relationship with my parents. I left home as a teen and have been responsible for myself ever since. I haven’t asked them for anything and while we’ve continued to have an, on the surface, fairly good relationship I know that they wouldn’t be my first port of call in an emergency.

They’re now late 70s and I’m trying to improve the relationship as I know they are unlikely to be around forever. This is not for inheritance purposes to those thinking that, there is little money.

My brother has a large family, all my parents’ biological grandchildren. I tried and failed IVF with an ex partner for most of the 2000’s, my parents contribution to this was to tell me to let them know “when it was over” as I was overly emotional! The rounds failed so I clearly haven’t provided any grandchildren naturally.

I now have a lovely husband and two step sons. My parents pile presents and cards on their grandchildren but don’t even know when my DSSs birthdays are. They show zero interest. AIBU to be pissed off by this?

YANBU but they will never change.

Yanbu but they are old, their world is small and you have to expect less of them, just as you as a toddler did careless things so do old people. It's not worth being sad about now when there may be only a short time left with them x

Yabu in that unfortunately they are not their gc and they dont have to do the same for your dss. If they werent so good to you, it's highly unlikely they would be interested in children not related to them.

Do they have any kind of relationship with your SSs?

If not then it's not surprising, they aren't particularly interested.

Thanks all, they don't have any relationship with them as they are uninterested in them. They could have should they show an interest. Its ironic as they are so very involved in my brother's children lives (probably much to the annoyance of my SIL).

I think it's sad and your parents are missing out on so much extra love. You cant make them care though, some people have very fixed ideas of family.

YANBU. But it is likely that, had you had your own children, the situation would be similar. You say that your relationship is difficult and they seem to have been supremely unsupportive when you were struggling w infertility. Is your brother the favourite by any chance? These things tend to pass down the generations - if you are nasty enough to hurt your child and treat them unfairly, then why not their child too.

Yes brother was most definitely the favourite. He is younger and the much wanted son. I have a good relationship with my brother, although he is unable to see the problem I have with my parents as he has a totally different relationship with them.

I know that biologically they aren't related and therefore there is not the bond they have with their own grandchildren, but to show such extreme differences is quite hurtful. They are much more loving and kind to the grandchildren than they ever were with me and show zero interest in my DSSs. Their loss!

Yanbu.

My mil is even worse than this.. she has zero interest in her own, actual grandchildren.

Some people are so strange.

Loads of factors at play here, you said you aren't that close to them so it's understandable that they aren't that interested in children who are not related to them. Also how long have you been married for and what age are the dsc?

They are older DSC but still living between us and their mum. We've been together for ten years, married for less. I would understand if we'd only been together for five minutes, but surely ten years is fairly permanent. They've know the children since they were young, obviously not from birth like their own DGC. It took several years for my mother to get my younger DSSs name correct, she kept calling him a name that was similar but not his name, used to drive me crazy. (think Nick and Mick). Having said that, they called DH my exes name for several years after we got together.