Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL muscling into our lives again

3 replies

4seasons · 21/07/2019 09:00

I already know I’m being unreasonable but wanted to vent . The friend I would normally discuss this with recently died and I’m missing her good advice and company . But that’s another story.
My SIL is not my favourite person. She is manipulative and selfish. Too many examples to give here.

She’s recently contacted us ( via a birthday card) to basically ask if she can visit. In the past she has just assumed she can and told us when she’s coming ! We are visiting a place near her soon so DH suggested meeting up. She has discovered that we are going to a lovely restaurant and has asked DH to increase the booking. When I expressed my annoyance my DH became very defensive so I backed off and left it to him. I didn’t want her to be the reason we fell out or argued. He is in no doubt how I feel though. It has spoiled , for me , a visit I was really looking forward to.

In addition she has sent him an e mail about another meet up . Without outing myself too much .... this would be at a relatives house ( they will be away . She has always wanted to see their home .... she is nosy ) . I only found out about this because my DH seemed a bit selective when reading out her latest e mail to me. I became suspicious and this morning went into our computer and read it for myself. No passwords involved etc. His e mails are open for me to read ..... I never open unread emails though. He had deliberately not read the section to me about this proposed visit.

I don’t want this woman in our lives. She has caused many problems in the past and I always felt she wanted my DH , her older brother, to take her father’s place. In addition, whenever we meet up we somehow seem to end up paying for one thing or another. My DH is kind and generous but it is OUR money not just his !!!

At the moment I am feeling angry ( with her and my DH ). I hate feeling this way but the only way I can seem to cope is by not talking about it and bottling it up. I know that if I said what I feel to my DH he would be disgusted with me ...... I’m sort of disgusted with myself to be honest. But she has got right under my skin.... not altogether sure why.

My friend isn’t here to help .... I could tell others how I feel but I’m not sure they’d understand. Thanks for reading this waffle. I’m pretty sure I’m going to get told to suck it up !!

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 21/07/2019 11:58

It sounds like you need to have a conversation with DH about where strategically you both want your relationship with SIL to be going forward. So not discussing specifics but the theory of it all. Once you have that agreed on (and written down in an email to each other) you can just refer to the agreement when she contacts either of you. Any backsliding on DHs part can be met with a wave of the agreement in his face.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 21/07/2019 12:08

There must be a massive backstory because you seem to be getting hugely irate about minor things.

If someone you liked added a message to a birthday card asking to visit you'd be delighted. Ditto for the restaurant. I'm less sure about the relative's house as you've not explained it well. I'm not surprised your husband has been cagey as he's probably fed up!

So, in a nice way, try to separate what's perfectly normal behaviour from your dislike for his sister. Then maybe you and your husband can agree a way forward together and set boundaries in advance. Eg "Yes, do join us for dinner. Sorry, we can't pay for you this time."

LightDrizzle · 21/07/2019 12:15

Yes to the back story. But when you are doing the greeting kisses/whatever at the restaurant, with staff around hopefully, make a big fuss about what a nice surprise it was and how generous of her to suggest hosting. It’s a lovely place and will be a real treat.
I’m sure she’ll duck it but it’s a strong start to resist paying for her.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread