Touching (anyone else find it too much) *trigger warning

[Nameisthegame]

I’m sick of people thinking they are entitled to touch you.

Today I went to my friends bf place (got a odd vibe first time I met hi)
I was sitting in the kitchen next to her bf and he kept touching my leg not sure if it was by accident 🤮

My dd 2 years on my lap, he kept stroking her arm touching her chest my dd was distressed as she finds new me. A bit scary, he started touching my leg again 😭 I think my friend noticed as she dumped all my dd toys that she was holding on him... my friend then sat on his lap 😒 like late 30s grown women.

It all set me on edge so much as I’ve been sexually asulted before. After food he went for nap where my daughter was in the room with another child I went to take her out of the room but he kept saying it was okay while sat smoking on the bed. I dunno I mean I don’t want to seem accusing but my dd is the Most important person in my world and I have a duty to protect her the best I can.

I’m not sure where I’m going I’m just feeling really on edge and dd was crying , teething and tantruming pretty much from the moment we arrived till we left.

He sounds a real creep. Most men wouldn't touch anyone in those situations.

I wouldn’t spend time with him.

You don’t need a reason beyond you were not comfortable.

Well that isn’t normal clearly

And she went to bed.
The whole thing was odd, her bf lives in a house with a family (not related) and the women who lives there is his friend and sleeps on the floor next to his bed... I think my friend has a poor choice in men...

Trust your instincts.

Im never going near him again don’t worry but I’m so sick of these creepy people

Why is anyone smoking in the room when your toddler is there?

Atleast you’ve left now, please trust your gut enough to not be around him again. Has he been on the scene with you’re friend for long? Just seems so odd that he’d be touching you especially infront of his gf!

I’d worry for your friend’s child...

I’ve never been assaulted but I wouldn’t be comfortable with any of what you describe.

And smoking in the room with young children sleeping? I don’t know any smoking parents who would do that, least of all with someone else’s child. Very wrong.

I would have removed my child and myself straight after that and would agree to meet friend at mine or anywhere but his home.

Listen to your instincts, been there before and I was proved right and not as they called me irrational

What Aquamarine1029 said - you absolutely must trust your instincts. Well done for getting your dd out of there and not being hesitant to do so.

@Brooksey5 they’ve been together 3 months.
Not sure living situation is clear
My friend let’s call her Anne lives in the block of flats behind me
Her bf “Martin” lives across town with his friend “Jess’ she has a dd7 and older kids that live there. May shares a room with Martin but sleeps in a bed and Marin on a mattress on the floor.

@AltheaVestr1t I don’t live in the uk but still a stupid and selfish thing to do.

@Gatehouse77 neither child was sleeping they were just playing in the room he sleeps in they wondered in...he went to the room after lunch to have a nap.

Thank you everyone I know I shouldn’t feel like I have to be justified but I get so on edge that I sort of self doubted. My friend Anne is a professional grown woman so when she invited me to her bf to eat with the family (turns out it wasn’t his!) I was expecting a nice time with snacks not this hot nightmare...it was boiling there!

Nameisthegame

Ah, okay. Still seems odd. If I wanted a nap I’d ask for the children to leave and play somewhere else.
Glad to hear you trust your own instincts.

@Gatehouse77 I know wtf also we had only been there 2 hours maybe? Not that long you would think a grown ass man doesn’t need his nap while there is company...

but he kept saying it was okay while sat smoking on the bed

If anyone smokes in the same room as your daughter again, just leave.
If anyone touches you & you feel uncomfortable, ask them to stop.
The second one might feel hard, & if it does please go on an assertiveness training course or at least read something like www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/070437269X/ref=asc_df_070437269X/?hvlocphy=9073554&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=310979557093&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos=1o4&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=aud-545671390501:pla-563373769414&hvrand=11185869209078195298

Sorry long link! - & even sorrier about your history. You can & will feel stronger if you take some steps to access counselling or training. (I know - been there) xx

@mussolini9 I’m not going back and I moved away from him so I was out of reach and left as soon as possible. My friend drove us so waited until after dinner.

I also didn’t let the strange man smoke or be in contact with my young non verbal daughter. Best thing for my assertiveness was having my daughter...sorry if I seem snappy it’s just after being abused before, being assertive as I was is a massive step for me....maybe I should have kicked off more of a fuss but I just wanted to leave quietly and quickly as possible.

Sorry still a bit frazzled my mh isn’t amazing right now (I am talking to someone) and I get obsessive thoughts so this is all I’ll think about for a couple of days..everyone saying I did the right thing really helps me feel better.

Does your friend believe he sleeps on the floor in another woman’s bedroom?
Sounds a right creepy weirdo 🙄

Im a parent to a 20 and 15 year old. No WAY would I smoke in their room, or our house. And that bloke would have been out of his ear

The whole thing was just disturbing and the situation seemed quite in healthy.

I think you did well OP. You got your DD out of there, you trusted your instincts and removed her from the situation. I'd say you need to be pretty pleased without yourself actually!

I would find it too much as well, so would most of us.
Try to avoid him in future or else tell him you don't like it.