To ask for a hand hold - poorly DS

[Secondchild2019]

Poor DS has been sick a few times this evening and I feel so awful... I suffer from emetophobia and hate seeing him like this. DH was out when it first happened which made it even worse. He's never had it like this before.

Can't stop feeling guilty in case it's something I've done with food or worrying that maybe the house wasn't clean enough or something so its my fault that he's going through this.

And I'm so cross with myself for being so weak - feel like I can't properly be there for him when I should be due to my fear of it and I cant stop crying and shaking when it happens.

Feel like such a poor excuse for a mum and hate how he must be feeling and not being able to take that away from him. Plus the not knowing if he'll be sick again.

Sorry for rambling, I'm so rubbish in these situations. I know I need to toughen up.

Fellow vomit-phobe here and I totally get where you’re coming from. Is DH home now? We divide and conquer-one person sits with the poorly person whilst the other gets busy with the cleanup! Get the washing machine on, DS in the shower or bath if necessary and put plenty of towels everywhere so they can be whipped off and cleaned straightaway. It won’t be your fault, it will be a bug, all kids get them occasionally.

Also try to contain poorly person to one bathroom if possible and get the bleach and disinfectant out. Disinfect door handles, light switches etc and keep washing your hands to try and avoid catching it yourself x

Hope he is feeling better soon.

It’s not your fault; it’s extremely unlikely that it’s something you have done or that it’s hygiene related, given you are an emetophobe. People I’ve known with that phobia have always been absolutely meticulous with food safety and cleaning, so they can minimise the risk of being exposed to sick.

I’d let your DH handle this one. You mustn’t let your DS see your reaction (the crying and shaking part), as it won’t be helpful for him or you.

Hope it’s just a 24 hour thing and he’s right as rain in the morning.

Thanks unicorn - yes DH came home straight away. We've done what you do (me on washing duty as a bit more useful there).

DS is only little so hasn't got to grips with aiming at a bowl or toilet yet, first time was all over our bed unfortunately and then towels since then.

He's asleep now - he didn't bring much up the last time and nothing for at least 1.5hrs now. Do you think there's still more to come?

Thank you Leeds2.

The last time ds had a bug like that he was sick in his bed and then came into mine to tell me and was then sick on me, my pillow and our bed 🤦‍♀️ DH was on his way home from a late shift (was about 11.30pm) and I rang him and said GET HOME QUICKER 😂 to his credit, he did! Ds was sick on all his cuddly toys and two entire loads of bedding 🤦‍♀️ We then moved his mattress onto our floor and I ‘slept’ on our bed next to him (I lay awake all night with a bowl in my hand just in case) neither of us caught it which was a miracle.

My DC and I both have a sickness phobia. We have been to a personal development coach (about 5 one hour long sessions) who helped greatly by getting us to focus our minds on something else ie look for 5 things, listen to 4 things, think of 3 things, smell 2 things and taste one thing. It helps the mind to focus on something other than the fear. My DH went on a school trip with another child being sick most of the way and DS was fine.

DC not DH

It sounds like you’re doing the best you can. Phobias are not rational. Have you tried any treatment to help you deal with it?

Also, children get sick occasionally, it would be weird if they didn’t so try not to blame yourself. Im sure it’s not through lack of cleanliness.

Hope he’s feeling better soon.

Thanks for the reassurance Cheby. DH has taken control and that's really helping. Tried to be as strong as possible in front of DS. We've just swapped so he can get some food and just feel so panicky, at least DS is asleep so won't pick up on it.

Also worry that DH or I will get it too and then how can we look after DS properly.

It’s not a given that you’ll get it so try not to worry about what hasn’t happened
I read a great FlyLady article about putting child in bathroom on blow up bed on towels or towels on bed and floor by bed like dust sheets. I hope he’s well soon. And you’re better than me if you can clean up. I’m better as it happened. Sending hugs

Also worry that DH or I will get it too and then how can we look after DS properly.

For me the fear of getting it is worse than actually being ill. Quiet day for you all tomorrow and hopefully it will pass quickly. If you do catch it, you will cope fine. There will be lots of crap telly and you’ll feel like crap but you’ll survive

Get a few things together in case it happens again. Things like baby wipes, changes of bedding , clean PJs for him and you, disinfectant and cleaning cloths.
Tie everyones hair back!
Plenty of fluids for him.
Keep him cool and check temp regularly.
Calpol if hot.
This too will pass.

I've not had seen anyone about it before as I actually thought I was getting better with being ill myself but obviously really struggle when it's DS as feel so helpless and it puts me into panic attack mode. Perhaps I do need to get some help so I can best support him. Thanks for the tips pinkstripeycat, I'll give those a go. It sounds like your DC have done brilliantly.

I'm exactly the same unicorncupcake, the worry is sooo much worse than the reality. Was also surprised at how quickly DH got home - think it was the guilt of reassuring me DS wouldn't be sick and then me phoning 30 seconds later to say he had everywhere!

Make a spray bottle of diluted bleach - on the off chance that it’s Noro. Detrox sprays don’t work. Remember door handles, light switches- anything the sick oerson might touch.

Ah you poor thing, I too am a vomit phobe and have been a blubbering, shaking wreck when my DC had bugs, I was a single mum when they were small so had to deal and it was hard.
It sounds like you’ve done great, if he’s asleep and not stirring at all the worst is probably over. I find when they toss and turn and grumble then it’s likely to happen again.
It might be a bug, it might be the start of an ear infection or another viral infection, look out for ear tugging tomorrow. DS was always sick with ear infections. The trouble is when they are small a lot of things make them sick which wouldn’t make us sick.
Best way to guess if it’s a bug or not is to go back roughly 36 hours from the time of symptoms starting, if you were at soft play or he was sitting in a shopping trolley holding the handle I’d likely treat it as a bug.
There’s a lot of sickness in my area at the moment which is unusual for this time of year, it might mean there’s less outbreaks in the coming winter 🤞
I know they are not the best but The Speakmans on This Morning helped a woman with emetophobia, see if it’s on YouTube.
Keep your chin up, you’ve done good tonight.

Lizzielocket I'm so in awe of people like you. I always tell myself that there are people struggling more than me and having to deal with things like this on their own to. I honestly don't think I would cope. You're amazing.

He was definitely tossing and turning a lot earlier, I probably didn't help by rubbing his tummy as thought he had wind (feel bad about that too). He's sleeping fairly well, stirs every now and again upset but not moving around like he was earlier.

There's been a really nasty sickness bug going around his nursery, they actually closed with it a couple of weeks ago and he'd not been there much so thought he'd missed it but he's been there for the last 2 days so guess that's the most likely reason.

Blubbering shaking wreck just about sums me up. Will definitely watch The Steadmans on YouTube tomorrow!

Did you make it through the rest of the night ok, any more bouts of sickness?
Oh op no, don’t be in awe of me, it was a struggle, if I could have got a stranger off the street in to deal with them I would of! I now have a DP who deals with our DC’s sickness, luckily he’s not a remotely sickly child.
I dealt with 3 bad tummy bugs alone with my DC, DD had 1 and DS has had 2, all caught at primary school, I only caught it once and that was from DD, I was quite unaware of these bugs as they didn’t seem to be around when I was a child. I only had nausea and a bad case of the runs. I hope that reassures you a little about catching bugs from your DC.
That’s likely to be where it came from then, even when the bug has passed through the children the germs still lurk on toys and surfaces etc.
I had therapy for other issues but we did touch on emetophobia and finding out why you have it is half the battle to getting over it. It always stems from childhood.
Mine came from when I was aged 2-3, my DM wasn’t the best and took advice from a very elderly neighbour (bear in mind this was the late 70’s, neighbour must have been born in the late 1800’s) I wouldn’t go to bed, neighbour advised a gate on my bedroom door to keep me in and let me cry it out, I used to get so hysterical at being trapped that I was sick, my DM would then make a huge fuss about clearing up and told me off, therefore my toddler brain believed that being sick was ‘bad’ and ‘shameful’ that’s how phobias start. My DM still reminds me that I was a nightmare child and that she used to have to clear up my mess every night. My DM has a multitude of issues but that’s a whole other thread!
I sincerely hope your DC is better today. I know your going to be on high alert and listen to every grumble in your tummy for the next 2 days but try and relax.
Get yourself to the pharmacy and buy some Buccastem, it’s an anti emetic used for nausea with migraines, it works for tummy bugs as well. It’s a myth that you have to get it all out. Sorry for the essay but I know how much this phobia can affect every aspect of your life. It’s not just a case of not liking sick as so many believe.

I hate vomit too, I am a single mum so slowly I got better at dealing with vomit. I had no choice though.

Unfortunately my dc vomits after seizures so it will often end up on her clothes / carpet. I tell myself at least I am not waking up in the vomit.

I have spent many a time trying to scrub vomit out of her nice clothes, especially when she became a teenager.

I really hope your DS feeling better, you sound like a great mum. It sucks when you see them poorly.

The smell seems to linger in carpet for a while so try and put towels down near his cot or anywhere he might be sitting for the next 24 hours it’ll help with cleanup. The sooner you can train them to use a bowl the better.

I think you can become desensitised over time though. Normally, the smell sets me off. Earlier this year my little one vomited 28 times in 48 hours. It was awful but she got the hang of the bowl by the end thank god but I still did more washing and cleaning than I’ve ever done in my life. But, because she was so ill, I just had to crack on and the vomit became secondary to her just being very poorly.

Oh op I know exactly how you feel. I'm emetophobic as well and my ds4 was sick with a bug 3 weeks ago, I still feel on edge and slightly traumatised by it and probably will for another few weeks, each time he's sick I worry for about 8 weeks after that it's about to come back and I replay the throwing up in my mind over n over and analyse every aspect of what happened, it's a fucking nightmare and just wish I could switch my brain off altogether during these times.

I hope your ds is feeling better, I'd stick to plain dry foods for the next 48hrs because they can be hungry and asking for normal food but still have sensitive tummies after and bring it bk up after hours of being well! I always stick with dry wholegrain cereal, Jacobs crackers, toast etc, easier on the tum.

Thank you all for your lovely and reassuring messages. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one who reacts this way.

DS was last sick at 2 and that was mainly water after he tried a few sips. He's kept water/Calpol/v small amount of plain food down since so hopefully he's through the worst. He's had a bit of a temp but the Calpol is bringing it down. He's catching up some some sleep now but seems much more himself today, albeit very cuddly! DH was great and slept by him all last night whilst I laid in the next room on high alert for any noises!

Some of the things you've all said have hit the nail on the head with the things I feel. Lizzielocket the thought of running to a neighbours before my DH got home definitely crossed my mind, I don't even know them very well! I'm sorry you experiences that when you were little, it makes sense that something has triggered this but I can't trace it back yet. Definitely worth exploring. Thanks for the tip about Buccastem, will definitely give that a try. You're 100% right about being paranoid about every tummy murmur, will do my best to relax.

Sorry to hear about all of the poorly times your DCs have had - well done for getting through it everyone!

Nogods yes I know what you mean about it staying with you after and how you keep thinking about what happened, totally with you there. I do feel more positive this morning but know it will take me a while to get over it and will probably panic everytime DH goes out for a while as the two are now linked in my head which I know is silly.

Thanks again for all your kind words, tips and helping me through last night x

So glad your son has perked up and is over the worst. Emetophobia is a horrible mental health issue and really affects whole lives so it's great to know we're never alone.