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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen Do...

33 replies

LittleOne61 · 20/07/2019 21:26

I signed up to a hen do months and months ago. Thought I'd be happy to leave my 2 year old by then. It's next weekend and I don't want to go. I've still never left her overnight. AIBU? I watch other people leave the kids all the time and wondering if I'm in the minority? Lying here thinking of all the excuses I could make...

OP posts:
JoJoSM2 · 20/07/2019 21:27

Who would you leave her with?

AineSAHM · 20/07/2019 21:29

How close is your relationship with the hen/ how big is the group going? TBH I think YABU to cancel fairly last minute, and I do think it’s more than ok to leave a 2 year old for a night- but it’s up to you when you’re ready.

Original poster
LittleOne61 · 20/07/2019 21:31

My husband! He knows I'm starting to dread it but reckons I'll be fine once I'm there.

OP posts:
pictish · 20/07/2019 21:32

I think you should go.

Ramalambadingdong · 20/07/2019 21:33

I feel like this with my 3 (nearly 4) year old! She definitely does go and stay with grandparents but I’m happier when I don’t have to leave her, she couldn’t give a fig!

Heymummee · 20/07/2019 21:33

I know how you feel. I still don’t like leaving my 11 year old. Pathetic I know!
I think your husband is right though, you’ll be ok once you’re there.
How far away is it? Could you maybe see how you get on and if you really can’t cope, go home?

Quaffy · 20/07/2019 21:33

Honestly I think it would be very rude to cancel at this late notice

Original poster
LittleOne61 · 20/07/2019 21:34

Small ish group - 12ish? Not massively close. I've paid for everything so wouldn't be letting them down that way.

OP posts:
Amanduh · 20/07/2019 21:36

Fair enough not wanting to leave her absolutely, I have never left my 2.5 yo (in three weeks I will be and dreading it lol) but dropping out at this late notice is U.

Dawninglory · 20/07/2019 21:37

I recently did the same!!! My DD is 4! First time without her for 2days, felt like 4 but was good for me to be me and not mummy, I did enjoy myself but practically cried when I saw her!

Original poster
LittleOne61 · 20/07/2019 21:37

I totally agree. Not in my nature to be rude. I'd be gutted if someone dropped out on me. I'm more wondering how common it is to be unhappy leaving children!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 20/07/2019 21:37

YABVU and very silly.

Bananallama858 · 20/07/2019 21:38

I think it would be rude to cancel so last minute. It’s healthy to have time away plus it’ll give your dh and dd quality time together.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/07/2019 21:39

There is always going to be a first time you are apart. If not now, when?

JoJoSM2 · 20/07/2019 21:42

Well, VBU... I’d be a different story if you were a single mum leaving DD with someone a bit random... But DH is a very suitable carer ;) Just go and have fun!

PixieLumos · 20/07/2019 21:43

Your feelings are understandable but I do think you need to overcome them - you’re DC is 2 years not 2 months, and to cancel over this when you’ve known so long in advance is a bit rude I’m afraid. If it was my hen do, although I would want to be understanding, in truth I wouldn’t be too happy.

Luckingfovely · 20/07/2019 21:44

Oh goodness it's always hard doing it for the first time... but she'll be with your husband! It really will do you good to take this step and have time out for you. Please don't cancel, it would be ridiculous.

pictish · 20/07/2019 21:48

I’d be pissed off if someone bailed on me for that reason.

Purpleartichoke · 20/07/2019 21:51

I only left dd overnight at 3 for a close family member funeral. I’d have no trouble skipping a hen do at that agr

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 20/07/2019 21:54

Definitely go you'll have a fab time.If she was 2 months then fair enough but she'll be with her dad,perfectly safe.You could always facetime her at some point if it would make you feel better

ChikiTIKI · 20/07/2019 21:58

I am in a similar situation. My child is 2 this Autumn. Going to a wedding soon and it's an overnight stay. Not been apart overnight before. I'm sure I will enjoy it while I am there but I don't feel like I want to go right now.

yellow25 · 20/07/2019 22:32

I was in the exact same situation a month or so ago. I was a bridesmaid though so I didn't think I could totally bail! Luckily the hen party was just over an hours train ride away, and what I did was went on the Friday evening, actually enjoyed a good nights sleep after weeks of worry about how my boy would be, then came home on the Saturday late afternoon. He was fine and it was as though I'd not been anywhere!

2toe · 20/07/2019 22:41

Is it possible to go to the hen do, see how you feel and then go home if needs be? I do think that once you are there you will have a great time. If you don’t go or think you may leave early, tell the truth, a good friend will understand, making up a story is bad for your friendship, you will feel guilty, she will probably know you are being untruthful which will only cause problems in your friendship.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 20/07/2019 22:42

My son is 2 on Monday and the first time I left him was for my sisters hen do a couple of months ago. Honestly I was dreading it even though DH is more than capable and DS adores him. But it actually did me the world of good, I enjoyed myself and they were absolutely fine (I don't think they even missed me... HmmGrin)

Leeds2 · 20/07/2019 22:45

You would be very rude to bail out at this late stage, as I think you realise!
Just go, and enjoy yourself. Your little one will be fine with daddy. Daddy might also enjoy looking after his son by himself too.