to ask how to recover?

[Tingface]

I don’t think the term nervous breakdown really exists anymore, but I feel like I’ve had one.

A long period of monumental work stress and a relationship breakdown have left me just feeling so frail.

I don’t know how to begin to pick myself back up. I’m not who I was and I don’t know where to go from here.

If you’ve hit rock bottom- how did you find your way up again? What tiny steps did you take, what helped, what didn’t etc.

All advice gratefully received.

Sorry you feel like this OP. I think it's different for everyone but for me it was only the passing of time. I cried until I could cry no more, I went to the Dr and took ADs for a while - I think that helped. I didn't like talking about it even to friends but they understood. I did a lot of thinking.
I came out the other side a different person and I don't see how anyone could fail to be affected like that.
I hope you find a way.

Take each day at a time. Rest. Healthy food. Gentle regular exercise. Try to work out what YOU need to help you feel better.

Can you do 1 thing each day just for you? I started with 10mins locked in the bathroom with a cup of tea and a sudoku couldn't concentrate on the sudoku for a month or so but it helped just to do something for me even though I didn't feel like it or that I deserved it at first.
Obviously things are different for you than me (widowed with 2 DC 1 of which is sen) but if you can just find 1 thing that makes you feel like you do it and build from there

So sorry you're feeling like this. I was there this time last year. A bad year was the final straw on top of a lifetime of abuse and grief. ADs were the only that saved me and gave me hope again.

If you won't consider them, then all the normal steps - time outside, gentle exercise, healthy diet, time to yourself, being kind to yourself, etc.

Only you can tell which road you need to go down, but talking to a good doc when you feel this bad is always a good idea. Good luck

I hit rock bottom and the only way out was to dig myself out of the huge pit I had fallen/been pushed into. Although I'm all for advising baby steps usually, I went NC with negative family members, found a new job and a new flat near to it. Once I felt like I could love and be proud of myself, I then set about finding a new relationship. I've never looked back and will never allow myself to even approach that mental state again.
You may never be the person you were, but the person you can be is amazing. All you need is a plan (and a supportive friend to ply you with wine & help you decide) x

I agree with taking time for yourself, especially nourishing activities that you enjoy, such as reading, crafting whatever your hobbies are. And definitely exercise. Is there a yoga class nearby you could go to a couple of times a week? I find yoga incredibly helpful when I feel overwhelmed or just need to take some time out. Good luck with your recovery OP.

The first step is acknowledging that you’re fragile and being kind to yourself.

Take some time off work (you’ll need a GP appointment for the note but that can be the only thing you do that day). Try and go for a 20min walk outside every day, even if you’re not up to anything else.

Anti depressants help, as does finding a good counsellor to talk to. Good friends can help - sometimes - but depends on the friend. Try not to use wine or food as a crutch, it does more harm in the long run.

Do something you enjoy every day - reading, or crafts, or music - I spent hours playing different music and learning new pieces which gave me something to focus on. Also meditation helped.

Most of all, the concept of my emotional bucket being completely empty really helped. Playing music, walking outside, taking dogs to the beach, long bubble baths with a good book, all started to refill it. I started to look at every demand on me as bucket-filling or bucket-emptying and I only did those things which I considered to be filling. As I got better I considered the bucket-emptying demands in terms of how much they would take out of me for what benefit, and made sure I had time for enough filling activities to replace the drain. You need to work out what fills your bucket.

When I went through a crap time, I decided to treat me as if I were a pet Labrador. Daily walks and good diet.

Agree also very much with the idea that you should find time to do at least one activity a day which (metaphorically) nourishes you

Thank you all, those were comforting to read! I laughed out loud at treating myself like a pet Lab; I’m going to try that.

I also like the bucket idea. Almost everything feels emptying at the moment so that’s clearly not a sign of health.

I should probably be signed off and I know that. I am going through a process at the moment that is a sort of long term selection/training thing for my dream job and I’m scared being signed off would count against me but I recognise I’m quite close to the point of having to do that anyway.

I’ve got a few days leave next week. I am basically resting whenever I can, and trying to do little things like reading, sewing, music. I’m using herbal sleeping tablets at the moment at night which are actually working well, I was surprised. I am also drinking more wine than I usually do which I know isn’t ideal but I’m talking a glass a night so not terrible... I will try some yoga and outdoors time. If I still feel this frail when I return to work I guess I might have to reconsider GP. I’m not completely averse to the idea of ADs.

I am finding my kids really bucket emptying at the moment. I feel dreadful about saying that. I just want to be left alone. I feel guilty for them too. I am interacting with them, chatting, playing etc but it’s fake and I feel like a crap Mum on top of everything else.

Pack the wine in. Straight away. It is not and will not help no matter what anyone says. Alcohol is a depressive.

Also what helped me OP was giving myself a few hrs a day/week to just do nothing, no pressure and just eat or read or look at beautiful places to go visit.

Oh and on that topic - make plans. Plans are things that acted as ropes to me, to help me pull myself up and out of it. And helped my refil my bucket.

So I don’t want to sound like I’m lecturing, you’re an adult, you know what you’re doing... but when your brain is in a bad place, the wine is only going to make it worse. Or, if it makes you feel better, your brain could decide it’s a viable coping mechanism, and it’s a (slow, to begin with!) landslide into consistently craving alcohol to deal with difficult feelings.
I say that from experience.

I’ve hit rock bottom a few times, the worst of which ended in a suicide attempt. It’s not always pleasant, but you can climb back up. If you need any help or support, at any time about any thing, I’m happy to chat.

Things I tried that didn’t work: complete isolation. Drinking. Non prescription drugs. Eating my feelings. Self harm. Anything addictive lol 😅

Things that felt negative, but that actually helped: moving in with my parents, short term. They were a massive help, especially as it freed me from the guilt of feeling I wasn’t doing enough for my son.
Telling the people who love me exactly what I’m feeling and going through. They can’t help if they don’t know.
Seeing my gp, as that led to antidepressants, non-addictive sleeping aids (sleep deprivation is a sneaky little bastard- it makes everything harder!) and a referral to local psychiatric and psychologist services.
Counselling.
Not eating junk food.
Socialising even if it felt too hard to try.
Doing anything that felt too hard to try!

Things that felt positive: self care. This can mean anything that you do specifically to take care of yourself. I made a board on Pinterest of ‘self care checklists’ and even printed a few out, as self care had become an alien activity to me. It can be anything from allowing yourself time to cry, to treating yourself to a spa day. Just so long as you take a little time to care about you.
If I’m being negative about myself, my trick is to ask if I would let someone say that about my little sister/best friend. If you wouldn’t let someone say it about someone you love, you shouldn’t be saying it about yourself.
Hobbies- I love anything crafty or book related.

I’ll leave it there, sorry, this turned into a bit of an essay! Obviously not all of this will be applicable to you, but hopefully you find something helpful.
I’m thinking of you, and I hope you are feeling better soon.

Lots of great advice here. While I know exercise can help I don't always feel I can do it so I try to take the first step and go outside/sit out for a while. I can't stop the guilt about spoiling the day for everyone so try to stop it while I have a cup of tea etc. Just tiny steps

Well I went for a walk yesterday, and a little swim in the sea. I had stretches yesterday where I didn’t think about any of it, which felt good.

Nightmares last night about the work situation so woke up early and anxious again. I hate waking up feeling anxious, you’re on the back foot instantly for no fault of your own then aren’t you. Fighting before you’ve even opened your eyes properly. It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted.

I have a meeting next week to try and work out what we do going forward re work. I feel like I’m just getting through until then really. I liked the idea of making plans. I think I will try and sit down in the next couple of days and make some plans for different areas of my life. I feel really out of control of my own destiny at the moment so I can see that to identify areas that I CAN control would feel empowering.

So tired of constantly trying to process, assess, understand, conquer anxiety. So tired of it feeling so all consuming. I want my life to be about more than this.

Plodding on...