To ask the best time for visiting new baby

[Sunshineface123]

About to have a new baby (already have toddler age 2 1/2) and wanted some advice on what people suggest re visitors to meet the new baby.

When we had first DD we were inundated with visitors, sometimes three lots per day (for weeks) until we had to start limiting it as was overwhelming. A lot of people expected cup of tea after cup of tea which my DH spent his paternity leave running about making.

So determined to do it better this time. My main concern is my DD who I'm hoping my DH will take out in the morning then she has a lunch time nap. I don't want people coming at nap time as this will be my only chance to have a rest...with a new born...maybe?! Any ideas of how and when to structure visits?? Really hope I'm not coming across as ungrateful, we are lucky to have people who are interested in the kids but also want it all to be bit more chilled this time!

Thanks in advance!

Just say to people that you are expecting to find a new baby and a toddler quite a lot of work in the first instance and would appreciate people phoning / texting first to ask when it would be okay for them to pop round and say to them all you are sure they will understand there will be times you might have to say no.

I have to say when I had dc2, I asked people to take dc1 out to kick a ball about in the garden for 15mins, or off on his sit in car thing round the block or off to the park for an hour.

Visitors are there to be useful. If they won't help you, then they don't come.
Get people to make their own drinks, and do a load of washing up or something whilst they are there. If they aren't close enough to be asked to help you with something, then they aren't close enough to be visiting early on.

Following as in the same position - can’t bear the thought of my mil coming to sit herself down in an armchair with my newborn for hours expecting tea under the guise of being ‘helpful’ again.

I have to say, the stream of visitors we had with dc1 was much smaller with dc2

See how you feel and just invite people as and when you feel ready for them? I did this (didnt really consider any other way) and it was absolutely fine.

Wait and see. Keep seeing posts about don’t see people for two weeks etc fine for some but not for others. Personally I wanted family the next day! Take it as it goes

Let everyone know that you will be inviting them to visit when you're ready and you don't want any random pop ins. Being clear and direct is how I would handle it.

Thanks all, good advice. Definitely need to make it clear it won't be an open house this time round. And also make clear we need some help with our oldest - in exchange for baby cuddles?!

Hopefully I'm worrying unnecessarily and will get a lot less visits this time anyway.

I probably took the piss a bit. At three weeks we had visitors and I said "I really need to sleep, would you mind looking after him for two hours while we both have a nap"

Worked fine. They came back.

I'm the first three months I think you have a licence to be a terrible host and say here's the kettle, mines a milk and no sugar and would you like to feed a baby?

I just let people come whenever

I had visitors in the first week/two and frankly i wanted them all to leave me alone. I had a horrific birth and just wanted to be alone to get to grips with the new baby. In fairness, I got annoyed more by pass the baby round. Yes everyone wants a cuddle but mum also needs a brew and someone to fetch things while i sit and feed my baby - invite those helpfu people over - anyone else id tell them sling it!

week 3 onwards i was happy to show the baby off!

depends how you think you will cope?

On number 2 i will happily invite everyone to the hospital, after that unless they will help they need to go away until invited - harsh but i didnt have the best first experience!!

Tell people not to come during nap time and make sure you use your visitors to entertain your older dd!

Nobody to the hospital and by invitation only once we were home.

We barely had anyone come over and visit! Poor DS2! Would have quite liked a few visitors- family aren’t local and it was early December so they all said they’d just wait for us to visit at Christmas! 🤣

What I meant to add was- if you do end up with lots of “helpful” visitors is put them on toddler entertainment duty

No one in first week and very limited in first month.