To feel like shite?

[Feellikeshite]

MN regular, NC here. DH has a type and it’s not me! Makes me feel like absolute shite when he eyes other women of his type. Especially because his type is petite Asian/oriental women. My mum was from Argentina and my dad from Spain, so I have a small frame and dark features but am not and never will be a tiny Asia/oriental woman.

To make matters worse I’ve just had a baby and feeling especially unattractive with my new shape and extra weight. We were out at a park today with the baby and I could see DH’s eye catch and follow some of his type behind his sunglasses. It makes me feel so insecure. I’ve once or twice had a snoop at his internet history and saw that he watched porn, was never Asian search or anything, which was a relief. Not to drip feed, he’s not a creep about this either but it’s just who seems to catch his eye and hold his gaze for just that extra moment or two. But I also think he is a bit of a creep for having this type. AIBU?

He’s a lovely man and husband and father otherwise but this really makes me feel Iike shite. I’ve sometimes thought about leaving because of this and I feel he’ll never be satisfied with me. AIBU?

He's being a disrespectful arsehole.

Yeah not with violence you're right-I hope he changes his behavior stat

Referring to Asian people as Orientals is bloody racist OP - you need to update your language ASAP.

The post about the perfect arse is so cringe, so maybe reassure yourself that at least your husband is less of a pillock than the originator of that comment.

Oreiential is considered unPC in the States. They call East Asian communities Asians which doesn’t work in the U.K. where Asian means Indian and Pakistani.

Anyway.

OP, your husband picked you for a reason. On some level he likes what you have to offer. Otherwise he’d have kept single.

Oriental describes things, not people. It's considered racist.
The perfect arse comment is misogyny in action, disrespectful and embarrassing to read.
As for your DH, OP, talk to him. Tell him how undermined and undervalued you feel.

Thank you, I’m sorry English is not my first labgnuage so I didn’t know it was racist to say oriental, I thought Asia meant from India.

I told him it hurts when he looks at other women but he denies it (and I do believe he doesn’t really notice he’s doing it, this almost makes it worse as it’s subconscious and he doesn’t realise I’m not his type) and thinks I’m silly for feeling insecure. We met online and sometimes I think he thought I was Asian. He dated a few Asians before me (also non asians.) it sounds like none of you would be upset if your DH did this?

You can't help what you are attracted to, but it's about a lot more than looks. I am sure your husband would not be with you if he didn't fancy you.

N.B. Oriental is best avoided when talking about people. Not only is it considered racist, but it doesn't specifically denote Eastern Asians. 'Orientalism,' Edward Said's classic work, is about how the West perceives the Middle East, the Orient Express went to Constantinople, etc. I personally associate the word with turbans and exquisite Arabic calligraphy.

think of the stereotypical qualities that a man claiming east Asians are "just his type" are looking for in a woman.

I don't see many websites dedicated to women seeking Asian men.

my father only dates Asian women. he's a misogynistic arsehole.