if I don't want help from the in-laws even though we're shafted right now?

[bohemianbint]

firstly, this is a bit hypothetical, as they haven't offered to help, as yet, but we're seeing them tomorrow and they might and I need to know how to handle it...

Basically I go back to work next week for 2 days a week and as yet haven't managed to find a childminder. My mum might be able to help 1 day a week and DP might be able to take parental leave 1 day a week just until we find someone, which hopefully won't take too much longer.

Here's the thing; if the ILs offer to help (and they could, because they're retired) I dunno what to do. We don't get on, without going into all the details they're just a bit weird and have never really been interested in talking to me, and haven't been any help since DS was born. I get the impression they want to see DS but on their own terms, preferably with me out of the picture.

I can't imagine they'd be very good at looking after DS for several reasons; he doesn't know them, they seem very awkward around him and don't seem to know how to handle a child (despite having ahd 2!) There was one awful time MIL scooped up DS without asking and then held him half tilted backwards so he was straining to get upright. I asked her 3 times to hold him a bit more upright and she blatantly ignored me. Doesn't really inspire confidence, does it?

I know I probably sound a bit unreasonable (there are lots of reasons why they irritate the hell out of me but I didn't really want to get started here!) but I really don't want to be forced into taking their help and feeling beholden. I know some of you understand where I'm coming from after reading this thread a while back...

Any advice?

I totally get your feelings BB as I have major ishoos with my sil (no mil) but, the thing I keep reminding myself is that DS is a whole other individual who is entitled to a relationship with his relatives and I don't want to be the person who stands in the way of that.

My father really disliked my uncle/aunt and it did totally cloud my relship with them. Point being, if you don't think mil will actively hurt ds then seriously consider letting her look after him and put your feelings to one side. She may be only your mil, but she is his grandmother.

Be reassured you're not on your own, I can't really trust my own mother for too long, she even called me on a very rare night out to come home as she couldn't cope. She'd lasted an hour! Had problems recently and she offered to come and help, (lives in france). I just had to say we are ok.

But the kid will have a relationship with his GPs whether they look after him or not. I think to start bringing that sort of issue into the equation is very premature.

There's years and years ahead for them to forge a relationship where the OP doesn't have to worry about her child's welfare because he will be older and be able to speak for himself.

The OP simply doesn't feel she can trust the GPs at this moment in time.

Don't do it if you don't want to. Why should you feel you 'have' to just because they're related?