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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to look after DDs dogs?

27 replies

BloodyhellMartha · 20/07/2019 17:55

I'll try and keep short! DD has recently acquired 2 large dogs who are reasonably well trained but (like all dogs, I guess) follow you about in the house every time you appear, sniffing you all over and sticking to you like glue. They are friendly dogs, but I don't like this much. She is early 20s and lives a couple of hours from home.

Asked if they could come home this weekend and we said, of course. But arrived last night, walked and fed dogs this morning then went out to see friends. Was out all morning (without dogs) came back, had lunch and went out for afternoon again (without dogs). DH likes dogs. I'm not that keen. Apart from being needy one of her dogs has ripped up their kitchen lino and chewed various parts of the house when left alone.

DH has gone to work for night. DD still out - I rang and asked when she was coming back and what was happening with dogs - do I need to feed/walk them? She said she was going out for the whole evening and asked if I minded looking after them. I said, I'd rather not to be honest. She has now returned and is packing them up, going to stay with a friend for the night and taking the dogs with her. I've told her I don't want her to feel she can't come home, but neither do I want to feel that I'm forced to babysit her large dogs whilst she is out all weekend. I don't like dogs that much and I'm not feeling brilliant at the moment.

I'm now feeling mean and as though I've made her feel unwelcome - so AIBU to feel like this? Or should I just put up and shut up and deal with these dogs every time DD returns? I obviously want to see her, and obviously want her to be able to come - but feel resentful that I'm forced to accept a situation I didn't sign up for.

OP posts:
halfwaytosomewhere · 20/07/2019 17:59

YANBU, said as a dog owner. Her dogs her responsibility

PonderingPanda · 20/07/2019 18:00

YANBU. I certainly wouldn't want them in my home. Personally it seems like she wanted to see her mates and you were the dogsitters.

makingmammaries · 20/07/2019 18:00

YANBU. She could have put them in kennels or with a sitter instead of dumping the dog care on you.

Squirrelblanket · 20/07/2019 18:02

You are totally not unreasonable. I would have done exactly the same!

OpheliaTodd · 20/07/2019 18:03

Yanbu. She is taking the piss. If she wants a dog or two dogs or 700 dogs she a) can’t assume they’re welcome anywhere and b) should not expect others to look after them.

She’s being irresponsible and a cheeky fucker.

mussolini9 · 20/07/2019 18:05

I'm a dog lover, & especially nuts for big dogs ... & from this perspective, your DD is still a Cheeky Fucker. She's been entirely presumptuous, left the dogs with you without so much as the courtesy of checking first - AND presumably is aware that you feel less than comfortable around dogs. Don't let her manipulate you like this.

SummerInTheVillage · 20/07/2019 18:07

YANBU as well to make it clear from the start.

SamBeckett · 20/07/2019 18:19

YANBU ,
she has been very presumptuous that it is ok to leave her dogs with you with no warning . Did she take them out when she came home at lunch time ?
I think you did the right thing by been straight with her or you probably would of found yourself dog sitting with no warning on a regular basis.
What would of happened to the poor dogs if you had planned to go out for the evening ?

I hope she is going to pay for the replacement of the things the dogs damaged

Yellowweatherwarning · 20/07/2019 18:23

Imo ddogs are part of the family, maybe not directly yours, but dd's. Unless they are crapping all over yabu not to support your dd in her ddog ownership.
When my dd left her dp she brought her ddog. We ended up keeping her, she was dd's responsibility and we helped her honour that. No biggie. Beware you don't risk your relationship with dd over her ddogs...
Is it really worth it?

Rainbowknickers · 20/07/2019 18:26

My dd used to do this with her small dog
She would think nothing of just going out without saying a word to me
He is a very needy dog so of course I’d be up with him or just fully aware he was there even though I had to be up early the following morning for work
I tried talking to her with no joy my fella had to say something before we fell out
She’s being a cheeky fucker-they are her dogs

sackrifice · 20/07/2019 18:26

Put your feet up and enjoy the evening. And make sure she doesn't do it again.

Weezol · 20/07/2019 18:28

YANBU - I have had and still love dogs, but she can't just palm the dogs off on you like that. I agree with PonderingPanda.

RebootYourEngine · 20/07/2019 18:31

Sounds like she hasn't come to visit you. Sounds like she is just using your house as a place to eat and sleep. She should have spoken to you about this first before bringing the dogs.

BloodyhellMartha · 20/07/2019 18:31

Thanks folks. Interesting to hear different perspectives. @yellowweatherwarning - this is what I'm worried about. No, it's not worth damaging my relationship with DD over. I DO want her to feel welcome, but like others have said, really expect her to come home and look after the dogs herself. I said they were welcome to stay - and they are - but I wasn't expecting to have to dog-sit. They are Dobermans and although people say, 'oh they are lovely natured' frankly I find them too overpowering.

I'm not entirely sure I'd be any happier if they were Chihuahuas however, so suspect I can't use this as an excuse Smile. I know that DD wanted to meet friends in town for lunch/has gone to BBQ for evening and couldn't really take the dogs - but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want them either!

To those asking, if I'd been going out DD would have stayed in with dogs. I think she genuinely can't see that it's a problem leaving them at home if someone (me) is there to let them out, keep an eye on them. She says I don't need to dog-sit. They will happily wander round living room, curl up on carpet with me, but I just don't really like the sole responsibility of it.

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 20/07/2019 18:33

I would hate it, I'm a cat person. I would expect my DS to let me know exactly when he was going to be around and to take them for walks.
Good thing my son is a cat man.

PositiveVibez · 20/07/2019 18:35

I wouldn't dream of doing this to my mum. We have a cute, well trained dog, but I know my mum is not a fan of ANY dog, so wouldn't dream of palming it off on her.

She wanted - - expected-- you to dogsit.

CSIblonde · 20/07/2019 18:35

YANBU. Lots of mature animal loving teens in the road where I live are up for walking & feeding a dog for a tenner etc. I just asked around. Petsitters charge around the same oer hour but I felt happier with people I knew who'd already met my pet before.

NoSquirrels · 20/07/2019 18:39

She needed to check you'd be happy to look after the dogs - she didn't, and you've set your boundaries now, and that's OK.

Fwiw, I wouldn't leave my (single) dog with my parents without absolutely checking it was OK with them, and I'm much older than your DD. It's courtesy.

Perhaps as she is young and is used to you still being "responsible" she hasn't really thought it through before now.

viques · 20/07/2019 18:41

she says I don't need to dogsit

Really? I notice she hadn't arranged for a dog walker to come in and take them out for a decent walk and attention, and also hadn't made arrangements for someone to come in and feed them. And why not? because dear old mum was on hand to deal with poo,pee ,bored dogs and feeding.

I'm not surprised they chew and destroy at home if this is the level of her care for them. They must be bored out of their minds.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/07/2019 18:44

If that's the case @Yellowweatherwarning the OPs daughter is being a really crap and irresponsible dog parent.

You never bring your dogs to anyone else house and then just leave them to be looked after by someone else, it's even worse when the dogs are damaging the house. Your daughter needs to grow up OP, she's passed the age of being at home and having your parents meet all your needs, she now an adult and needs to act like it.

RebootYourEngine · 20/07/2019 19:09

viques has a point. What does she do when she is at her own home, does she leave the dogs for long periods of time. To me that is poor dog ownership.

Jiggles101 · 20/07/2019 19:09

I adore Doberman's and would love a big dog but work full time time so can't have one of my own, so I'd be well happy with this!

She shouldn't have assumed you'd feel the same though.

YouDoYou18 · 20/07/2019 19:28

YANBU. I have a large breed dog that my parents have quite a lot, but the honestly don’t care and have their own dog who he plays with.. they’ve even set him up his own room so that he can sleep in the day in peace.. but if they didn’t want to then I wouldn’t because it’s not their responsibility...

Aprillygirl · 20/07/2019 19:35

I'm a massive dog lover but even I might feel a bit put upon to be lumbered with two big needy dogs, that are not my own.for hours on end. So it is your DD who is presumptuous and unreasonable not you OP.

Cherrysoup · 20/07/2019 19:42

She needs to organise a dog sitter. No way should she be leaving them for you to look after so she can swan off with her mates all bloody day!