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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to visit not be visited ?

51 replies

dontfollowmeimlosttoo · 20/07/2019 16:49

Anyone else like to visit people ( so you can escape when you want to ) rather than the visitor getting comfy and sitting there all day in your home 😂 and you wondering when they will leave ! Also anyone else really not a fan of people visiting there homes in general even though it's nice you just feel it's abit " this is my space " massive introvert and I do have family friends etc and I do have plenty of visitors but secretly this is how I feel 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 20/07/2019 17:20

I like visitors, not visiting. I like cooking and feeding people and can’t be bothered to leave the house. We need a matching service!

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 20/07/2019 17:22

Surely it has to be 50/50 or that just makes you the visitor.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/07/2019 17:30

I much prefer to visit; and I'm an extrovert. I just like to know that people are comfortable and happy, I can leave when I want to and my space is there and not being judged/touched/messed up Blush

GirlFliesHome · 20/07/2019 17:36

The day i came home from hospital with DS1 we had a neighbour we hardly knew turn up and stay for 3 fucking hours to 'visit the baby'. She just talked at us, and I was too deranged with exhaustion to tell her to leave.

9 years later she barely even nods at us in the street.

libra101 · 20/07/2019 17:41

We're the same!

Every Sunday my BIL visits, and stays for 5 or more hours. He's a bachelor, living on his own, and gets lonely.

I also like my own space, and it seems a loooooooong visit!

Jaxhog · 20/07/2019 17:42

Not just me then! But then I'm a control freak (and hate being judged).

IHeartKingThistle · 20/07/2019 17:42

No, I love being at home and having visitors. I hate visiting! I never properly relax.

hazell42 · 20/07/2019 17:43

I have a nice clean tidy home
I don't want anyone to mess it up.
Seriously, I feel a different person at home. I want to meet my friends on neutral territory. And I don't really want to go to their house unless they are incapacitated in some way.
Go out and have lunch or coffee, great
Sit in someone else's kitchen being polite about the instant coffee while fending off their dog/kids/husband, not my idea of a good time

TwigTheWonderKid · 20/07/2019 17:44

Whilst I'm sure it's much more convenient to visit other people so you aren't bothered with the inconvenience of tidying up your house and you can just swan off when it suit you, you do get that is massively selfish and pretty immature? We all have to take turns, surely?

BoronationStreet · 20/07/2019 17:48

Absolutely OP. It seems when I have people over to mine, they stay all day but if I go there, I can tell when it's time to go and always leave after a couple of hours at most.

I had a friend come over for lunch once and she was still at my house at 6pm. Confused It was so awkward. Some people have no social graces. 🤷‍♀️

MaisieDaisy1 · 20/07/2019 17:49

Glad it’s not just me. I hate people coming to my house, even my friends. It’s not because I live in a tip because I’m a clean freak but it just sends me into a tail spin whenever someone says they will call. My hubby is the same. We also don’t really enjoy socialising with others.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/07/2019 17:51

Dh's family never leave anywhere til 8pm.

So I now start lunches at 3....

Polkadotdelight · 20/07/2019 17:53

I don't like inviting people over as I never feel that the house is clean enough. I like to have some time to ensure that it's spotless and it never is! Some of DS school friends live in verrrrrry expensive houses and I am embarrassed to invite them back to mine although I will suck it up over the summer and provide excellent cake!

Squirrelblanket · 20/07/2019 18:00

I do know what you mean, however we don't live near most of our friends and family so sometimes I do like being the one who doesn't have to travel!

We definitely do most of the visiting though and I do like it for the reasons you've stated.

WatchingTheWheels85 · 20/07/2019 18:09

This is one reason I'm glad we have no friends or family Grin

Sandybval · 20/07/2019 18:12

Yes but I'm not afraid of being a bit blunt to be honest, oops.

Stoptheworldpleasethankyou · 20/07/2019 18:18

I hate both. I hate being in someone else’s castle and being on my best. I also have the judgment of people in my castle and want them to go away as I feel I must tidy and wash up and stuff not just sit and chat.

I’m not a people person.

Outsomnia · 20/07/2019 18:21

Having visitors is the only time that I get up off my arse and clean the house to within an inch of its life! But it's usually clean, however, I think you know what I mean!

No problem with people calling in ( when they tell me they are in the area), but in fairness I DO have a problem with those who just rock up with no notice.

Might be just me, but I would NEVER do this to any anyone else. I just think it is manners, and gives everyone time to get the washing out of the way and find a pack of biscuits lol.

Most people take you as you find them. Problem is the host house can be mortified thinking otherwise!

dayswithaY · 20/07/2019 18:25

I'm the same. One time a friend invited herself round while we were at school dropping off our children one morning. I said I'd meet her at mine and she was waiting for me in my driveway. House was a mess, breakfast things all over the kitchen.

I literally sat in a chair from 9am to 3pm while she talked at me, ate my food and drank pints of tea. In my head I was thinking "Please leave, please leave." We left together to pick up the children from school. I felt dazed, dizzy and unwell. I kept thinking surely she must have things to do at home, and I've wasted a whole day listening to this woman banging on and on.

Another example - child comes round to play, Mum comes to pick up (different person.) Instead of quick interaction, Mum plonks herself down and chats to me for a couple of hours while kids are going crazy and my dinner is waiting for me.

Day out with other Mum and her kids at a park or beach etc. Long day out in the sun, tired and dirty. Kids ask if other kids can come back, Mum standing smiling waiting for my answer, they all come back and I'm stuck with them for hours, wrecking bedrooms and asking for food.

Now I invent appointments - popping round for coffee at 11? Fine but I've got the dentist at 1pm. Some people have no boundaries - or shame.

Pinktinker · 20/07/2019 18:27

Same. I hate having people in my personal space. My home is for my husband, children and I. DH doesn’t understand this at all and thinks I’m ridiculous, I just like to be left alone once I’m in my home Grin.

Littleelffriend · 20/07/2019 18:44

Totally the same. I have a cousin who comes round and will not leave. He often comes unannounced too. If we don’t answer the front door, he comes round the back. I’ve been known to shut the back curtains and put the tv off if the front doorbell goes and we’re not expecting anyone.

makingmammaries · 20/07/2019 19:23

My house is a big mess because I work full time and have lots of kids. A particular bugbear of mine is when old acquaintances roll into town for a few days and when I suggest meeting for lunch in town they instead say mournfully that they wanted to come over and meet my kids. How the actual fuck am I supposed to clean up and prepare food fit for guests while also keeping the rest of my life running? I’ve had that kind of pressure twice now, and both times it was people who don’t even drive and know full well that I live out in the sticks without adequate public transport. I’d love to have a polite version of ‘no can do’ for that situation.

dontfollowmeimlosttoo · 20/07/2019 19:40

@TwigTheWonderKid my house is always tidy so it's not that.. I do visit and I get visited ... I do take it in turns but secretly wish I could just visit . So yes I do have visitors plenty !!!

OP posts:
dontfollowmeimlosttoo · 20/07/2019 19:40

@BoronationStreet yes I can always tell when it's time to leave but I find others can't

OP posts:
Floopily · 20/07/2019 19:53

We've lived in our house 18 months. I can count on one hand the amount of visitors we've had (if you discount tradesmen etc). I once read an interview with Ricky Gervais and they asked him if he had lots of celebrity mates come round for parties all the time. I don't remember the full answer but it ended with "It's my home not a fucking youth club". I'm with Ricky Grin. That said we do have a really small number of mates that are welcome whenever for however long...everyone else not so much!

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