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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish she would say the right thing?

4 replies

Monique679 · 20/07/2019 14:40

Bit of a rant. I have some professional exams coming up and worrying about them, need some reassurance. I tend to lean on friends or colleagues who are in the same boat at times like this but don’t want to do this too much - one in particular is quite straight talking and I think finds this annoying!! She recommended calling my mum and having a cry down the phone. I’m mid/late twenties so not really young either. I love my mum but she never seeems to say the right thing eg you can do it/I love you/I’m proud of you/I have every faith. It’s just not her. When she sees me panicking she’ll say things like you should have started earlier, when I mention a relative bought me aome wine she’ll say don’t go having that before the exam now! She even said whatever happens I’ll be here for you... bearing in mind I haven’t killed anyone, it’s an exam. The context of this is that I’m a graduate from a good uni but had hiccups along the way (find exams very stressful after sailing through them at school) and now doing a workplace qualification (think law training contract or similar) which has been very stressful and a very bumpy road. Admittedly I probably have caused my parents worry and stress but sometimes I wish she wouldn’t be full of practical advice about the past and what I should have done differently but just try to build me up a bit! Aibu?

OP posts:
Armadillostoes · 20/07/2019 15:03

I understand OP, I also have a DM who was a dead loss when it came to support in an emotional sense. She is either controlling or has an knack of saying something horrific (or both!). My advice is to write her off in that sense and seek support elsewhere. It sounds as though she loves you, but she just isn't good at providing the kind of input you need.

It doesn't make either of you a failure, but the resentment will build if you keep expecting her to provide something she isn't wired to do. Imagine if you kept expecting amazing cooking from a parent who couldn't make toast without burning it, just because it wasnt their thing.

Monique679 · 20/07/2019 19:03

Thank you that’s a great analogy - I am prevaricating today so need to get my act together now and pull an all nighter for this Sad But here goes!

OP posts:
Monique679 · 20/07/2019 19:04

*procrastinating!

OP posts:
Armadillostoes · 20/07/2019 20:15

Best of luck OP. I am sure that you will shine!

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