AIBU to text an old friend re misscarriage

[Elliesmommy]

I heard through another friend that a girl i was good friends with had a miscarriage recently. While we haven't been in constant touch we are still what I would say friends ( there was never a fall out) the news has really upset me and I would love to reach out to heras I cant stop thinking about her and how upset she must be. I think a phone call would be too much- possibly a nice text. Would I be unreasonable to do this ? Also to note I'm pregnant at the moment so I'm not sure would this upset her? It's all so sensitive.any advice please

Should you know about it? I would check with the friend who told you whether she was told in confidence or if the person was sharing it openly? If she’s sharing it openly then I think it’s fine to contact her as long as she already knows you’re pregnant and you won’t be telling her it for the first time during the conversation

I wouldn’t have wanted a message about one. Send her a text asking how she is but certainly not a ‘sorry to hear about your miscarriage’ One,

I may be being unreasonable, but if I had just had a miscarriage, I’m not sure I would want to hear from someone who was pregnant. Does she already know you are pregnant?

Of you have no relationship with her now then please don’t especially since your pregnant yourself. Leave her be

Just to add - I don’t think you are doing anything wrong and you sound like a lovely friend. I just know from experience that emotions will be all over the place

She told a group of people so I guess that's how the news got out. But maybe you are right if it wasn't said to me directly then maybe I should leave her be. I just think if it was me I'd love to be thought of. I've a week to go in my pregnancy so she does know but I feel maybe it's all a bit too sensitive. my heart is broken for her as this is her first baby. But I'm sure she has good friends and family around her at the moment to support her.

It won’t make her feel better, it could make her feel worse given your current situation. You want to text her so you feel better,. You are not currently in her life and you are the last person on her mind, she has more important things to worry about. Leave her be

"I'm upset" "If it was me", it's not you (thankfully), it's not about you and nicely your feelings don't matter, do not text her

Wow I cant believe you would think this is a good idea. Completely insensitive of you to want to do this.
She didnt tell you directly only the people she wanted to know. This isn't the type of news that you contact someone about especially if you are pregnant. I get that your intentions are good but it's not the right time to get in touch.

Me and my cousin weren't speaking when she had a miscarriage. I just sent her a heart emoji. It meant she knew I loved her but I didn't have to find the words. She sent kisses back. I think the thought was appreciated.

You sound like a nice friend who means we'll.

Terrible idea.

Do you honestly think this is a good idea?

No absolutely not. If she wanted you to know, she would have told you. If you reach out to her, it might add to her anxiety that people are now spreading her news.

It's nice of you to think of her, but I wouldn't

Please don't. It'd be different if you actually were in touch and you'd heard from her directly, but as it is you'd be insensitive to bring it up.

It's a private misery to have a miscarriage,and not a good idea to text about it.You will maybe hear from her later.

I've had a miscarriage. I'd have thought wtf and been pissed off to be contacted in such a way. I know everyone is different, but I really wouldn't contact her.

Are you supposed to know? Is this something she has made public knowledge or was your mutual friend treating the news as gossip? If you aren’t supposed to know then don’t message her.

I think it might not be the right time to approach her especially with you being close to giving birth. But, when you do see her next or make contact, dont ignore the miscarriage. Say then that you were really sorry to hear the news but didnt want to be insensitive. She will appreciate that you were thinking of her.