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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to start a positive autism thread

64 replies

smoothy · 20/07/2019 09:39

To counter the dehumanising and ignorant attitudes i’ve seen expressed on here lately?

And I don’t mean “some genius eccentric scientists are autistic!”. You don’t have to believe that autism is some kind of superpower.

I mean, if you are autistic, what are you proud of? If your child is autistic, what makes you proud of them?

For all my many weaknesses I am kind, creative, and brave. And I want all autistic people are able to feel good about themselves in a world which, for the most part, tells us that we are a problem unless we have some kind of savant ability.

OP posts:
barryfromclareisfit · 20/07/2019 09:46

Proud that:
I’m still here
Dd, son in law, dgd - all autistic and proud - beautiful, able, successful
There’s so much to be proud of and happy about... We’re all ‘hard work’ to ourselves and others, but we’re worth it.

31RueCambon · 20/07/2019 09:50

yeh, my son teaches me to forget about what others think. He has the gift of not caring what others think, which can at times be embarrassing but overall it's a reminder to me to not go through life people pleasing. I've spent forty odd years trying to get to the place he's in now. He never ever does anything just to conform. Sometimes he conforms, but he won't do something that doesn't feel right just to conform. Conforming is not something he understands at all. Took me 8 sessions of psychotherapy and about five really good self-help books written by psychologists with phds to get to that point.

WhiteDust · 20/07/2019 09:53

Has the thread about the 19 year old been deleted? I can't see it.
If so, Good. Some awful attitudes on there.
Autism is for life. People deserve love, tolerance and kindness.

WhiteDust · 20/07/2019 09:55

I teach main stream secondary. Some of the funniest, most insightful ,respectful children I come access daily have Autism.

Jaffacakebeast · 20/07/2019 09:57

Love this thread!! My ds 13 is autistic. He is never late, always only goes where he says he’s going. He always does what he says he’s going to do (ie put the bin out) my friends with teenagers are astounded by this :) he isn’t scared to be wrong and his manners are impeccable

Jaffacakebeast · 20/07/2019 09:58

Oh and he’s hilarious :)

ItWentInMyEye · 20/07/2019 09:59

My DS with autism is genuinely the funniest and most loving person I've ever met. His 1-1 supports and teachers have all said the same thing. Lovely thread, thanks OP SmileBlushThanks

Ponoka7 · 20/07/2019 10:00

I second the, not caring about what others think.

I'll add not being that interested in other people that you want to indulge in gossip.

Having strong boundaries, my DD is ruthless Grin when hurt by someone. She doesn't do forgiveness that can be damaging to her.

I haven't seen her, or her Autistic friends (SEN School) going through the angst that my two other DDs and her friends have.

Being straightforward and simplistic in her dealings with others, she's liked at work for this. Also her honesty and at times how she will speak to the Boss in factual terms, when others won't.

The ability to just enjoy herself. I haven't seen that in my other Teen DDs in the same way. I see her Friends and former classmates doing the same.

Ponoka7 · 20/07/2019 10:03

I'd forgot the foreard planning and attention to detail.

The research capabilities.

She found Manga and Anime herself. This was in the 2000's before it was popular.

She's picked were she wants to go for her Birthdays, helped by a clear view of what she wants and why would anything stop her.

lemonjam · 20/07/2019 10:04

I work with a 30 year old autistic woman. She needs 24 hour care and will never be able to live independently. But she can do a lot of things at home herself with supervision, she can read and write, she is so kind and values her friends and family so much, she is great fun Smile

WhiteDust · 20/07/2019 10:07

Just to add, I LOVE how humour is reciprocated ! Many things I say in class go over most children's heads but not those with Autism!
They get even the most subtle joke and make twinkling eye contact to show that they get it.
Does that go against everything we're told about Autism? Believe me it happens OFTEN!!!

Original poster
smoothy · 20/07/2019 10:08

These are lovely Flowers

OP posts:
CitadelsofScience · 20/07/2019 10:08

I think the one major thing my teen ASD DS has really reinforced in me, is not to give a shit what anyone else thinks. He has his own slightly strange fashion sense and he gives not one shiney shite what anyone else thinks.

To me that is a good attitude to have as a teen in this SM led world if you're a teenager.

Pipandmum · 20/07/2019 10:08

I have a predominantly non verbal autistic niece. She’s 9 but small for her age. What is wonderful about her is she’s very engaging, always giggling and affectionate. What is hard is not really knowing her intelligence level as she doesn’t communicate well. She can problem solve and she’s quite sneaky!
She has many health problems too, and I think my sister is an absolute saint. She is extremely attached to her mother but she now has an au pair which helps tremendously. The father disappeared pretty quickly. My sister had to fight hard and sue the local school system for her to get the right schooling (not uk based), which is ABA therapy mainly.
But her daughter is a delight and I’m also proud how my own children have always completely accepted her and play with her and just treat her like any other kid (though a lot more patiently). In fact initially they just thought her autism was just her being her! We all worry about her future as I can’t see how she will live independently and my sister was mid forties when she had her, I’m older and live in a different country.

Remoteisland · 20/07/2019 10:09

This is a lovely thread. I have a child going through diagnosis and it looks likely that they are autistic. It is all very new and scary to me. So it is heartening to hear positivity about autism. Thank you.

howdoihandlethis123 · 20/07/2019 10:10

My thread has been hidden. I’m disappointed it doesn’t have the message that it has been deleted for being horribly prejudiced against disabled children.

MangoDrink · 20/07/2019 10:11

And I want all autistic people are able to feel good about themselves in a world which, for the most part, tells us that we are a problem unless we have some kind of savant ability
That made me cry (in a good way)! Life has been tough recently and reading that was a lovely bit of light. Smile

I dont know if I have any positives to be honest, I feel fairly useless lately. I'm good with animals if that counts? I really like training and playing with dogs, I feel I can train them to a pretty high level and I can shear sheep with zero cuts and I like researching unusual animals that I own so I can give them the best life.

Sirzy · 20/07/2019 10:11

Because of ds I have really learnt to appreciate the little things that most people probably take for granted.

Ds has an amazing skill for history and geography. He can’t dress himself but if you give him a year he can you who the monarch was and anything of historical significance

LoseLooseLucy · 20/07/2019 10:11

My 4 year old son is autistic. He is non-verbal but babbles nonsensically in a sing song voice.
He loves to dance when he hears music. He isn't violent and doesn't injure himself or others, and smiles and laughs most of the day.
He enjoys going to nursery. He communicates by taking your hand and pushing it to what he wants. He seeks out cuddles and gently cups the face of those he likes the look of.
He likes to be tickled and will join in with the laughter if he hears someone laughing, even though he hasn't got the joke...
I think he's awesome ❤

chicken2015 · 20/07/2019 10:13

I am also going through process of my daugther being diagnosed with autism and its a very scary and unknown place and i need to remeber all her positives as with all the reports from professionals obviously focus on what she cant do. Well she is very affectionate and happy and loves books which i love being a teacher 😁

ElfridaEtAl · 20/07/2019 10:14

My DS is 3 and autistic. He's such a happy boy, the way he looks at me tell me he loves me, even if he can't, and his determination is something else - if he wants you to understand something he WILL find a way to communicate it with you. I love him more than everything ever. He is my heart and soul.

Get cc cc - love from Mini Elf x

mamaoffourdc · 20/07/2019 10:14

We have just got the diagnosis for our 9 year old dd - she is always happy and smiling, loves people and animals ❤️❤️

FaithInfinity · 20/07/2019 10:25

Thanks for starting this thread Smile I’m autistic. I was diagnosed in my early 30s after I asked my GP to refer me.

I’m very proud that I graduated - I nearly didn’t. Not only that but I completed a course at Masters level. I have a successful career, I’ve never been fired! I now volunteer as part of work on a support group for staff with physical and MH needs, also looking to ensure patients receive the right support. I think there’s a common misconception that Autistic people lack empathy but actually I think I’m very empathetic. It helps with my work (nursing). I may sometimes struggle to understand other people’s motivations or subtle language but I can usually understand how people feel.

I have a lovely DH and beautiful DD. She has sensory issues and I think my Autism helps me understand her needs and fight for support for her.

It’s not easy being Autistic in an NT world. Sometime I hate it/myself. But in the 4 years I’ve been diagnosed, I’m working on recognising the positives, all about what makes me me, understanding that different doesn’t necessarily mean bad.

chicken2015 · 20/07/2019 10:25

Also another positive that ive just been thinking about, since starting this journey ive definitely felt a sense of community among other parents with Autisic children, they just totally understand and it can be so hard being with typical children and their parents. So i m grateful for that. Its what has got me through the last 6 months to ne fair!

Remoteisland · 20/07/2019 10:31

My DD is, sadly, very unhappy and anxious an desperate to make friends but just unable to. It was this that promoted me to push for investigation. Initially I just thought it was anxiety. I am hoping that the help and support is there for her to find a way out of the misery.