To think it's definitely not a joke?

[Inde95]

So, for context, DD's dad and I split. He comes to see her a few times a week. I have posted about the situation before.

Today he came to see her. He was holding her hands to support her walking. I bend down to talk to her and her dad has taken her hand and hit me in the face with it saying "Hit mummy. We don't like women" I told him in no uncertain terms that it was not ok and he's not to use our child to project his feelings about me.

His response was "It was a joke. You're overreacting".

Please advise as to whether it would BU to have another conversation about how this is not a joke and certainly not ok?

That's horrific.

Are his MH issues documented?

@AcrossthePond55 No but the court process has started

@Mummyoflittledragon In terms of GP visits and attending CBT, yes

@Inde95

Then before you do or change anything, it would be a good idea to speak to your solicitor, although I think you would be OK to say that future visits need to be 'off-site' as it were.

Court process has started but you should still report this to the officials involved I guess?

No, it's not a joke. This is a shocking way to treat both his DD and you.

Have you spoken to your solicitor about a possible outcome in court in relation to these mh conditions? Contact centre seems a good way to go as he can’t behave correctly with you supervising. He will have to be on his best behaviour then.

To clarify, he has only ever had supervised visits due to MH issues

So someone else saw him do this to you?

So in his supervised visit he felt able to “bend down to talk to her and her dad has taken her hand and hit me in the face with it saying "Hit mummy. We don't like women”

Really?! What kind of supervision is this? Is there a way to make an input/report or something to make sure the person supervising the visit has logged his behaviour as a concern?

Supervised by a third party or supervised by you?

You seem too tightly under his control to effectively or safely supervise because you're too afraid of him kicking off to intervene. I mean, you don't even trust your judgement enough to be confident this latest incident was totally unacceptable. And you've allowed previous incidents to go unchallenged.

You won't get him to be more reasonable by complying with everything he demands, he'll just demand more and more and more and push you further. It's about winning for him, not logic or reason or love for his child.

Case in point: him continuing to drag you through court even though you've allowed him access and allowed him to engage in shitty, damaging behaviour with your child.

He just wants power over you. Because he believes you are inferior to him. On account of him hating women.

And it's not a MH disorder that makes him believe that or choose to engage in controlling, abusive behaviour. But it's such a handy excuse.

He’s despicable to do that. YANBU at all.

Jokes have to be funny. Go to court, he'll end up without access hopefully. Your poor daughter, what a delightful person to have as a parent.

Could you bring this up in a text to him so you'd have evidence

That's a veiled threat not a joke. Never mind indoctrinating a child with anti women hatred. Added to which he's made similar comments before. I hope for your sake if he has MH issues he's taking his meds & stable enough for access, and otherwise it's a safeguarding issue? Document this & any other comments. Talk to your Solicitor, as to me, this needs to now be officially supervised & in a contact centre from now on.

That should read:
as otherwise its a safeguarding issue

Today he came to see her. He was holding her hands to support her walking. I bend down to talk to her and her dad has taken her hand and hit me in the face with it saying "Hit mummy. We don't like women" I

Completely stunned me, full open mouth syndrome. What a misogynist cunt. As others have said report to Social Services and ask for supervised contact, in a supervision centre.

God, I am so, so sorry.

You said he was supporting your daughter walking so she must be pre-toddler? Please, protect your daughter now from this pathetic man before she reaches an age where he can truly mess her head up. Get this incident documented. Let him take you to court. He sounds like he is doing a good job of ensuring he won't be granted access.

He is a cunt of the highest degree. His daughter will one day be a woman. I hope she chooses the very worst care home needed for him once the time comes if she even has a relationship at that point. This has really touched a nerve with me. My dad used to do similar things to me and my mum. I cut him out years ago and will gladly dance on his grave when the time comes. if he's to have contact it needs to be in a contact centre, he should have no access to your child even with his mother around imo- he's shown you what he thinks of women, and what he will teach your daughter. I honestly do not think she is safe with him. Her self worth is more than that. What an utter bell-end.

Get this incident documented and reported.let him take you to court, he will get nowhere. You really do need to take a stand to protect your daughter from this.

I know this is widely spouted on here but I would be logging this with 111, and refusing contact unless at a contact centre /with an external supervisor until court process is complete

Kick him in the nuts. It's just a joke.