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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike this person? Or am I just a jealous old fuddy duddy?

54 replies

Rescuedog12 · 19/07/2019 16:59

My hours were reduced at work so I needed a little something,and found someone to clean for 2 years ago.It was 5 hours,but the family members grew( blended family) plus a couple of new bathrooms and lots of ironing.it became more than I needed or wanted.with permission I got my friend in to help.All went well for 9 months till my friend wanted to leave as she'd started her own business and it was taking off.i asked on a Facebook group and didn't get much interest.one person let me down ,one turned up.i told her it was my job and she would be helping me.from day one ,if I ask her to do something shell argue about it,or just not do something the way I've shown her.she lies all the time.i ask her if she's used a product ,she'll say yes,when I point out she hasn't she says she was going to do it later.so many times she's done this.its not to my standard.i asked the clients if they were happy with her work.they said yes.( I'm not)she sent me a Facebook friend request .I reluctantly accepted.looked at her profile.its full or scantily clad pictures of herself.( She's A 40 year old mother of 2)nothing rude,but very booby,and very cutaway swimsuits that leave little to the imagination.her legs are completely covered in tattoos,and a lot of her body ,and she's planning more.she has a nose stud.big false lashes and talons.i mean these false nails curl over ,they are so long.i don't know how she can clean with them.in the eighties I used to have a stall at Camden market in the punk era.im used to fashion extremes,but I don't think you should flaunt it at work.this week she turned up in really short shorts.she has a bubbly personality and says she enjoys cleaning.this week she was chatting to one of the teenagers at the house as she was helping herself to milk from the fridge for her coffee(I just take my own drink),and it turns out they've friended each other,then was asking the teen if she could do her a spray tan as she's going away today.she runs a little business selling gifts and has already sold some to the family.today she put a post on Facebook announcing she's being whisked away on a surprise holiday,that she knew nothing about,and wondered why her mum had come over,yet she'd already told me weeks ago about this holiday and that her mum was coming to look after the kids.im a very private person and all this is the total opposite to me.shes younger than me with a great figure,but I really don't think she should dress like that in someone's home.yesterday outside the house we watched as someone reversed into my car,although she was a witness,she just got in her car and left.i was quite upset,and if that was me I would have stayed for support. feel like walking away from it and leaving her to it,but I need the money.sorry it's so long..aibu?

OP posts:
Namechangedonceagain · 19/07/2019 18:17

You sound horrible and judgemental and shallow. She actually comes across as MUCH better than you from this post. YABVVVVVVVVU and spiteful.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 19/07/2019 18:20

Are you her boss or do you're employers pay her sounds like shes got close to them and you're feeling sidelined.

urbanlife · 19/07/2019 18:20

Split your hours and days so you never see her. The family will soon see how little she does, if that’s the case.
Distance yourself entirely, and let the employers know you have done your best to guide her, but now it’s up to her.
No more reminders etc to do things, just let her get on with things.

LetMeGoNo · 19/07/2019 18:20

I doubt it,as she's probably even less aducated than me who left school at 15.

That's just mean.

and oh the irony of your typo

SoyDora · 19/07/2019 18:23

sounds like shes got close to them and you're feeling sidelined

Yes I thought this too.

Greencustard · 19/07/2019 18:27

You sound very snobby.Let her go.You dont like her.Get someone else in

Did you miss the bit about her being a liar? Also that if OP asks her to do something, she'll argue about it. It's not snobby to dislike a liar.

Greencustard · 19/07/2019 18:30

But what has she actually done to you?

She lies and doesn't do the work OP asks her to without arguing.

Sounds like you're jealous of her tbh

That's absolutely ridculous Hmm. I could turn that on you just as easily. You sound jealous of the OP.

HUZZAH212 · 19/07/2019 18:32

Maybe order her a housecoat from Amazon and say it's her new uniform? Or failing that insist she wears a binliner. It sounds like you're worried if you sack her she may be kept on by the family and you'll be the one given the push.

BjornAgain81 · 19/07/2019 18:33

Perfect example of what was said in the other thread about how it's mainly other women who shame about dress sense and conforming to beauty standards.

TeddybearBaby · 19/07/2019 18:41

I like urbanlife‘s idea! Would that be an option op?

ILearnedItFromABook · 19/07/2019 18:42

Sounds like you have plenty of reasons to not want to work with her, apart from your feelings about her personal style.

We don't have to like everyone, and in the end, it doesn't really make much difference why we don't like someone (though again, in this case, you have what sound like legitimate reasons mixed in with personal judgments).

If you don't have to work with her and don't want to, then don't! Could you find another job for yourself to make up the lost income? If not, you may have to grin and bear it. Keep the relationship as businesslike as possible and try the PP's suggestion of a dress code/uniform (though it may be awkward to implement now that she's already been working with you for a while).

Original poster
Rescuedog12 · 19/07/2019 18:50

Ha ha.poxy phone.How am I being mean? I'm not very well educated and left school at 15,and never had a job where it was important to write with paragraphs,and yes ,from the way she speaks and spells I think she is even less educated than me.im trying to give detail for context.In life I'm a people pleaser and always go the extra mile.ive been honest and said she has a great figure and bubbly personality.why does this have to mean I'm jealous?I guess I am feeling a bit sidelined,I do a good job and I'm there to work not socialise.good suggestion to change days,at least till I find something else.

OP posts:
Mummy195 · 19/07/2019 18:58

YABU, yes you are a jealous fuddy duddy.

You say she lied about the products, but did she really, or were you looking at her with your prejudiced eyes? and she decided not to argue. What she says on her social media is none of your business.

She may be self involved according to you, but it seems the family has no problems with her, infact they seem to quite like her.

I bet you fire her, the family then fires you and take her instead, then help her develop her other business. Because it sounds to me like you would like to take her down a notch or two.

How about that?

Coyoacan · 19/07/2019 19:05

Well I think you've got get rid of her, OP. She lies, does receive orders well and, in general, is not doing the work the way you like it. You also don't like her, which is fair enough.

You do run the risk of her stealing your clients, but that will always be a risk. A good cleaner is hard to find, so you should be able to pick up other clients, if the worst comes to the worst.

placemats · 19/07/2019 19:11

Normal life?

FFS OP get a 'normal life'.

placemats · 19/07/2019 19:13

And can I say you are not a writer. If you spent money on a writing course, it was money down the drain.

TheVanguardSix · 19/07/2019 19:14

It sounds like it's just unpleasant for you to work alongside her. Whether you're a jealous fuddy-duddy or not doesn't really matter. She lies and it sounds like you don't work well as a team. If you could let her go in a way that doesn't jeopardize her earnings, then I'd call time on your not-so-dynamic duo.

jarhead123 · 19/07/2019 19:21

You way over invested!

Rachelle11 · 19/07/2019 19:33

She is not a good employee. I would focus on that and let her go. Sometimes when people get on our nerves, everything they do ends up getting on our nerves. I understand that feeling.

Vossi · 19/07/2019 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sorryisntgoodenough · 19/07/2019 19:54

she lies all the time.i ask her if she's used a product ,she'll say yes,when I point out she hasn't she says she was going to do it later.so many times she's done this.its not to my standard.i asked the clients if they were happy with her work.they said yes.( I'm not)

If you think she is not performing to your standard that is one thing (but then why are the family happy?) but to not be happy with her because she has tattoos, wears short shorts, has scantily clad Facebook pictures makes it sounds like you are just disproving tbh. If your car had been hit - and you were not in it- why did you need support? Surely it’s just a case of informing insurance, there isn’t much she can do.

Well it was,but now she's got her feet under the table,and has their phone number because she asked for it,I feel surplas to requirements.

I think this is most informative, she has exchanged numbers with them, is offering other services and you feel pushed out and a little jealous so want to walk away and leave them to it. It will pass, she may decide it’s not for her after all and move on to the next thing. You need the money and they obviously value you as a steady and reliable person. She is a novelty. Ride it out.

Flowers because it sounds like you need cheering up.

dustarr73 · 19/07/2019 20:22

Well if you dont like the way she dresses or tattoos.Why did you hire her in the first place.

PawPawNoodle · 19/07/2019 20:44

I dont see why you wanted her to stop and support you because a car reversed into yours. I presume you weren't stood between them?

Littlechocola · 19/07/2019 20:49

Was with you until you started on how she looks.
How she is at her job is all that concerns you. If the people that you clean for aren’t happy then they will tell you.

HUZZAH212 · 19/07/2019 20:57

If she's not your employee there isn't much you can do other than splitting the days you clean, as you're both basically self-employed. I think it's telling you 'reluctantly' added her on FB and then appear to have scrutinised all her pictures. If you really weren't keen to add her you'd have said you don't really use FB or just not have poked about on her profile. You do sound like you just don't like her and that's fine! We can't all get on with everyone. However it's a bit unfair to nitpick over her being friendly or how she chooses to dress.