telling a child who hit my kid off?

[miffybunny0]

I have a kid round who plays with mine, however they got into a disagreement and I came in to see that said kid throwing pieces of train tracks at my kids because of game rules or whatever. They are 8 and 9. I told him off but the mother said I was wrong to?

Depends on what you did and said.

"you can't throw things about when you're angry" but apparently this was harsh

I wouldn’t make sweeping statements about what someone else’s child can or can’t do in life. If he wants to throw toys when angry that’s his mother’s job to sort.

I would however say “don’t throw toys at MY child”! That’s your right, of course.

I wouldn’t make sweeping statements about what someone else’s child can or can’t do in life.

Really? I would say that any adult who witnesses one child hitting another has a duty to step in, calm the kids down, & point out to the hitter that hitting is unacceptable.

sounds like a child that wouldn't be coming round to my house again with a mother saying that

Of course you can tell a child off if they're playing in your house.

Your house, your rules, and you're the responsible adult.

And the specific admonishment seems perfectly reasonable wherever they were. Throwing hard objects at other people isn't ok, whether you're angry or not.

In your house you make the rules. He no like he can bugger off home...
As can his dm...

You did the right thing. How would she deal with it if it was the other way around!

God help her sons teachers, they must get an earful when they tell him to sit down or eat his lunch!

That seemed like an entirely reasonable thing to say.

Well I can see why the kid thinks they can throw things at other children, given the mothers advice. They wouldn't be coming over again.

Was she there, if she was why didn't she deal with it?
If she wasn't, did her child embellish the telling off to her.
But if she thinks it's too harsh ( it wasn't) maybe he shouldn't come to play anymore.

One hundred percent. No way would I allow that to happen. Punishing them like you would your own.. fair enough, but telling them they shouldn't throw things is perfectly acceptable and needed, especially if theyre hurting your child! That mother trusted you to babysit her child in YOUR home, so she should accept that your rules go. Anyway If that mother supports her child throwing things at others then she really isn't worth worrying about, and get that kid out of your house.

I would say your house your rules, you weren't unreasonable at all unless you were shouting or being intimidating with it, kids need to know boundaries and what isn't acceptable. I'd have no problem in someone saying the same to either of my children in that situation, I'd be following it up with talking to him myself about what led to it and an apology.

Your house. Perfectly acceptable to politely request they stop throwing things.

Some parents get annoyed when someone else tells their child to stop, but they have no intention of doing it themselves.

If you are there in sole charge perfectly OK to tell off if the parent is also there I would look to them to do something about it and if they don't ask them to leave asap - thereby giving a consequence to bad behaviour if not the telling off

What has she suggested as an alternative?

Of course I tell other kids off, if they behave badly at my house! What does this mother expect? That her kid can do whatever he pleases and you have to smilingly accept it?

Christ I tell other people’s kids off in front of them if they’re not doing anything and their kid hurts or nearly hurts mine.
Maybe it’s the way I say it but if I’m with you and your kid is kicking off I’m gonna say something just like I’d expect others to express to my kids that their behaviour isn’t acceptable.

Reckon that’s why my friends like being round mine, same rules and I don’t care if they get to my kid first for the telling off as long as the kid learns that behaviour is to be good and if they can’t then they can take themselves elsewhere.

In your shoes I’d not invite that kid back again. You’re in charge of course you’re supposed to tell them when they’re not acting right

I would've told him to stop and said in this house there is no throwing things and absolutely no hitting. And then calmly tell him that I can ring his mother to come and get him if he doesn't want to stop but the rule stands.
I would be firm but calm. That way the ball is in his court to accept the rule or go home. Most kids will accept no problem.

And if the parent didn't agree with me well that is their prerogative but I'd just say sorry but that's the way it is here and leave it at that.

"you can't throw things about when you're angry" but apparently this was harsh

Harsh? Jesus wept.

YANBU OP, not even slightly.

Was this Mum there.

What did she expect you to do ?

I would also be clear in my house it is unacceptable to throw and any child who does willl be told.

However this kind of parent I tend to avoid them and their children

Yeah, shoddy from the other mother. Whether it was your house or anywhere else, what you said was perfectly reasonable response to violence/anger outburst from a child. I'd expect any adult or older child that witnessed it to say arguing similar as you OP!

I think little Johnnythrowstraintoysaround will find himself less and less platemates willing to play with him or invite him round, if his mother is that wet.

....to say... *"something similar" not "arguing similar." 🙄 phone autoocorrected on me

What did the mother expect you to do?!
Pat her kid on the back and say “it’s fine to hurt my child if you get a bit angry or frustrated...” ?!
No.
I’d have said similar to you: “It ok to feel angry, but it’s not ok to hurt other people or throw things”.
When he’s a guest in your house, he follows your rules or off he can fuck along with his mother I have the exact same issue when my nephew comes to my house - he has very few rules at home and pretty much does as he pleases. He really doesn’t like it when he’s subjected to the same rules of common decency as my DCs are!