To still be traumatised about near death experience in Thailand?

[MorbidlyObeseWhale]

A few years back DH and I went to Thailand. We booked a boat trip to Maya Bay (the island used in the film The Beach). We were not aware of the environmental state of it at the time as it was still relatively not talked about.

After booking we read reviews online that said the company were con artists and that they won’t actually take you to Maya Bay, they make excuses once they have your money and then take you to a crappy island for shopping. This was NOT what we wanted to do but they had a no refund policy so we just went ahead and hoped for the best.

Sure enough as the boat pulled out the guide stood at the front and said the waves were too dangerous today around maya bay so they'll take us to a better island with cool shops. Everyone started kicking off. An American guy suggested that they either do what we’d paid for or take us back to shore. The guy (Thai man obviously) maintained that the waves were very dangerous that day and that the boat would be thrown into rocks near the island. Everyone carried on demanding that they take us to maya bay. A young danish guy stood up and shouted that we all wanted our money back. The guide shouted “why? You all want to die instead? I know these waters, it’s dangerous!”. The American guy then stood up and demanded that we be taken back to shore so he could pursue legal advice on reclaiming our money. The Thai man became furious and screamed “you not understand! This is Thailand!” The American guy walked towards him and DH jumped up and got in between them and suggested we all calm down. The Thai man then screamed “ok you know what! We will take you! And you will all die! Ok!” And started the engine!!!

It was fine at first but as we got out to see the waves did get really bad. The boat was been thrown around all over and crashing back onto the water so heavy it sounded like it was going to break apart. A few people started screaming and the Thai man was laughing and singing.

I honestly assumed we were all going to die.

Anyway we eventually did get to the island but as we approached it the boat very nearly got thrown into the side of it. How we all stayed on I’ll never know.

We got back in one piece but I’ve never been on a boat since. DH says it was all dramatics, the guy was trying to make the American scared but it seemed pretty close to me. AIBU for thinking we all could have actually died??

I know they shouldn’t advertise the island if they can’t actually get to it but should we have believed him when he said it was too dangerous?

Well no one here can tell if you were in real danger or “just”at the mercy of a con artist.

Either way it sounds like a horrible experience.

Are you annoyed at your husband for minimising your ongoing distress?
What do you think it will take for you to get over it ?

Sounds like a well run con

I’m not really sure. He admits he was scared at the time too. The American guy was clinging onto his wife and she was screaming her head off. A woman was crying holding her child tight who was also screaming. An asian woman looked like she was about to have a heart attack. It was horrendous. DH says the guide was laughing and singing the whole time which suggests he knew we were not in real danger but I don’t know ... he seemed a bit unhinged.

I can’t imagine what it would take for me to get on a boat like that again. I’ve been on river boats since then but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go out to sea ever again.

YANBU to still be traumatised because that's what trauma can do to you - hence "post traumatic stress disorder".

I doubt very much that the guide was pretending to make the trip worse than it actually was - he would have risked killing you all and himself into the bargain - but it does sound very dangerous.

What you do about it - probably best to seek some counselling/therapy appropriate to PTSD, but only if it's adversely affecting your day-to-day living, rather than just preventing you going out on a boat on the sea again.

We Westerners get very worried about being ripped off on holiday in poorer countries. I don't understand it. It is usually a very low amount of money in our own currency but I see people all pumped up that the "locals" won't get the better of them.
In your situation it seems like the worry over hurt pride and an inherent mistrust set everyone up for failure. The situation escalated very quickly, in a confined space, aggression and potential violence between the men (again in a confined space), a lack of knowledge about the sea, fear of drowning, fear of your guide (who tuned from guide to torturer) and no way out - well I am not surprised you have residual feelings. Realistically you had a lucky escape, and on the one hand thank God but on the other, it was too close for comfort. Let your mind and body process it.

I don't know anything about the island or the approach so I can't comment on your specific trip but I have spent a bit of time in the open ocean on a boat.

I have been in 4 m seas (where the waves are 8 m above you when you are in the trough of the wave, like, higher than a house) and survived, apart from being horribly sick. Things can look pretty bad, and you obviously wouldn't want screaming tourists in those conditions but it is amazing what boats can do is my point. Bad things can happen in crap conditions, and for sure if everyone was terrified it was the wrong decision but it might not have been as life threatening as you perceived.

You can never be sure about what happened then, but in future you can ask what the operators policies are regarding weather and conditions and at what point they will make a decision. In your example the captain had clearly already made a decision not to go to the place you were promised, so should have told you that before boarding. If you want to go to sea again not be afraid to be a bit bolshie in demanding information, it's perfectly reasonable. Any responsible company will not mind being asked legitimate questions.

We used to go to the Farne Islands regularly when I was a kid. The water at Seahouses would be flat calm and the boat operators would say it was too rough. On the days we were able to go there was a line where the water clearly changed and became rougher, rough for a tourist boat and there was always someone who vomited. I say that because it could be a scam or it could have been tougher water or it could have been a scam but the water was also rough there that day!

It's fine not to want to go in boats after that but if it negatively impacts your life then there are different ways to deal with it. EMDR would likely be relatively quick for this. But you could also work on big boats with short journeys in good weather and see how you get on before going smaller and later less good weather.

If the boat was genuinely at risk of sinking the guide wouldn't have been laughing. He and the captain know the water and the capabilities of the boat. They have a nice bait-and-switch con going on for sure but they're not going to drown themselves for it.

I would presume a boat captain knows more than me in that situation.

Weird, OP.

I had a similar experience in Thailand, we went to the Phi Phi islands and I really thought I was going to die on the outbound speedboat. Everyone was miserable/vomiting/crying/hanging on for dear life.

I insisted that we take a giant ferry boat back and... everyone was vomiting non-stop. It's a nation of people who have never heard of motion sickness tablets.

Anyway, it was the worst day of my life. Scary stuff. I presume you were there in monsoon season?

Name and shame the tour company, OP. That’s terrible, he should have just taken you all back to where he collected you from.

YANBU. I did a similar trip to that island many years ago and it was absolutely horrendous and put me off going on boats for a long time.

The water was very choppy and felt very dangerous, but the worse thing was that to actually get to the island, we had to swim to a ladder on the cliff and haul ourselves up in the same turbulent water. It was incredibly dangerous and scary trying not to get bashed against the rocks.

Completely understand how you can still feel the effects of your experience.

I’m inclined to agree with your husband but also that it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have been frightened. I’ve been in some similarly dangerous circumstances (genuine in my mind) but the difference there was the operators also seemed to be concerned rather than having a good old laugh

The sea can be unforgiving but it sounds like a con artist. If a lot of people complained that the boat don't go to island, maybe he hoped you guys would change the reviews to "trust the men, when they say its dangerous. Its dangerous".