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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - friend let me down last night

25 replies

scarbados · 19/07/2019 14:13

Not really a friend, more an acquaintance who volunteers with the same organisation as I do but otherwise we have nothing in common at all. She seems to be quite lonely and needy.

My MIL died last weekend, 200 miles from where me and DH live. We rely on public transport so when we heard she was ill (last Friday afternoon) he went straight down by train. She died on Saturday and he said he was going to stay until the necessary things were done as the return fare is £120 and we can't afford that without thinking hard about it! So as not to drip feed, I have a mobility issue due to chronic illness and it's been quite bad recently.

I feel really childish for this bit but yesterday was my birthday and I was missing him - what I really wanted to was throw a major tantrum and scream 'It's not faaaaiiirrr!'. On Wednesday evening my 'friend' had messaged me on FB and asked if she could come and keep me company during the afternoon of my birthday. (Please note - she asked, not me!) Although there were other things I could have been doing, I agreed.

So yesterday I waited in, on a glorious day when I'd been invited to meet a group of friends for lunch and a drive, or go to a neighbour's first solo exhibition during the evening because I know how upset she gets when people cancel plans with her. And I waited and waited. Then at 9 last night she posted photos of her on a boat trip with her husband during the afternoon and early evening.

She sent me a text this morning saying she was sorry not to have arrived 'but he wanted us to go out in his friend's new boat'. I replied that I'd realised she'd found something more pressing than keeping her arrangement with me when I saw the photos. Apparently it was someone else who posted the photos so I'm unreasonable for being pissed off with her.

AIBU to think if you're going to cancel plans you let the other person know? And that it doesn't matter who posted the photos, finding out that way was shitty and insulting?

OP posts:
Proseccoinamug · 19/07/2019 14:15

It doesn’t matter about the photos. What your friend did was shitty, full stop.

ShatnersWig · 19/07/2019 14:16

YANBU. But why did you agree to wait in for an acquaintance in the first place, and turn down a group of actual friends?

Shoxfordian · 19/07/2019 14:16

She's not your friend
Don't make any more plans with her

DisplayPurposesOnly · 19/07/2019 14:18

YANBU. How incredibly rude. The photos are neither here or there. She made an appointment that she couldn't be arsed to cancel.

Luckily she's just an acquaintance.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 19/07/2019 14:18

YANBU but why would you agree to spend the time with an acquaintance instead of actual dependable friends?

popsadaisy · 19/07/2019 14:20

YANBU

CuriousMama · 19/07/2019 14:21

How bizarre. I just can't imagine doing anything so shitty.

I hope you get to see your real friends soon.

Newmumma83 · 19/07/2019 14:21

I had similar happen once .... she is no longer someone I have time for ... it’s rude be cordial but no more with her she is not a nice person, she could have messaged to cancel ( still a bit shitty but not as bad ) it’s not rocket science. ..... actually does she have learning difficulties or a really low iq?

CuriousMama · 19/07/2019 14:22

Are you sure she didn't do this on purpose?

Thehop · 19/07/2019 14:22

That’s shit.

Brefugee · 19/07/2019 14:24

tell her you hope her ears turn to arseholes and shit on her shoulders… under your breath…

Belated happy birthday though Flowers

PrincessScarlett · 19/07/2019 14:25

That was shitty of your acquaintance but agree with PPs, why didn't you go out with your actual friends? Even if acquaintance had invited herself over first I would have told her you had to postpone as something else had come up.

youngestisapsycho · 19/07/2019 14:26

Did you not call or text her all afternoon to see where she was?

Sc0neCreamJam75 · 19/07/2019 14:26

Happy birthday

How rude, she should have let you know that her plans had changed

tabbiemoo · 19/07/2019 14:28

That’s pretty crappy but why didn’t you try to ring/txt her to find out where she was? and if she didn’t turn up an hour after your planned time of meeting you should have left her a message and headed out with your other friends. I cannot imagine waiting in all day for someone who just doesn’t turn up!

LetMeGoNo · 19/07/2019 14:31

That's beyond shitty of her.

I'm a very forgiving and understanding doormat sort of person but I wouldn't be speaking to her again.

She gave you no courtesy so you need not return any!

bagpiss · 19/07/2019 14:40

That is pretty shitty but if she said she would come for the afternoon, had you not arranged a rough time? And why did you wait until 9pm? instead of asking her around, for example, 3pm ish what time she'd be there.?

scarbados · 19/07/2019 14:50

I made the arrangement with her because I'm another kind and understanding -doormattish- sort of person. She's a very lonely person and tends to cling to a couple of us and I felt sorry for her. I now understand why she has no friends, just a few people she knows.

I'll be seeing my real friends this evening and the artist with the exhibition is driving me and DH down to the Yorkshire Arboretum sometime in the next week or so. (No opening night preview with wine but he bought me a bottle of gin for my birthday so that's not a problem. Grin

And DH is on his way home. Should be leaving York right now!!

OP posts:
Isatis · 19/07/2019 15:08

If she gets upset when people cancel on her, she must have been well aware how rude this was. Time to strike her off the list, I think.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/07/2019 15:10

Did you contact her through the day?

Ihatesundays · 19/07/2019 15:40

I don’t care if people cancel. I do care if they stand me up.
Shitty thing to do

billy1966 · 19/07/2019 15:46

I wouldn't under any circumstances entertain someone so rude again.

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 19/07/2019 17:01

Did she know it was your birthday? Did she know what's going on with DH? Was it clearly arranged, not a 'I might pop over'?

If the answer to any of the above is 'yes', she's a shit.

Elliebellbell · 19/07/2019 17:09

No wonder she's got no friends. I can't understand why you kept waiting though. Surely a time was mentioned and when it passed by several hours you could legitimately bin her off.

In one way she's done you a favour because you'll never feel obligated to spend time with her ever again.

Greencustard · 19/07/2019 18:21

How very rude of her - get rid.

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