To not want to come ‘home’ anymore

[Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain]

They’ll have no idea I feel this way, but I’ve been sat with my family this morning thinking how much I wish I hadn’t bothered coming here today. I live an hour away, my parents and siblings live within 5 mins of each other. I’ve lived away for a long time, but I have felt the divide far more since I started some really good therapy 18 months ago.

Every time I started to talk about something I got talked over, or the interest disappeared after I’d got a sentence in. I just end up being quiet or asking them questions so they can talk about their own stuff. I actually feel lonely in their presence, I realised today.

I’m sick of my parents snapping at each other/ignoring each other, generally being dicks.

I know there’s no easy fix to this, but what would/does everyone else in this position, do? I feel like just going down to as little contact as possible with all of them.

I just went down to as little contact as possible.

Not really, but I did reduce contact to what suited me, pretty much a couple of times a year. I see my mum separately and it's improved our relationship.

Not enough context here.

If they live close together (and see each other frequently) whilst you live further away (and visit less frequently), then naturally their flow of conversation will be easier. The remedy then is to get in the flow. You sound like your observing rather than participating, and I'm not clear that it's all their 'fault'.

Conversely if the outcome of your therapy is that you don't like them or enjoy their company, then let them go.

If you want to see them to talk perhaps meeting one to one would be better for you? My family are pretty useless at talking properly in a big group.

Or maybe you don’t really want to see them much? And quite possibly not at ‘home’- a more neutral space may be much more of an even playing field.

Do all the family end up at your parents, when they know you’re there or is it a case of you trying to slot into the regular comings and going’s of the household? If it’s the first, then it shows that they care about you, but are so used to their usual flow of chat, they probably aren’t even aware of what they’re doing. If the latter, then that’s more difficult as you’ll find it difficult to have some quality time with your parents.

Do you come from a close family or have you always felt like an outsider looking on? If you have always felt this way, then I can understand why you would want to reduce your visits. Would they contact you if you didn’t contact them?

I moved to another continent. Perhaps a little extreme for some, but I don't have to sit through shitty dinners anymore.