Mother never makes any effort to contact me

[MorbidlyObeseWhale]

I try and ring my mother once a week. She NEVER rings me. Even if something significant has happened (injury, test results etc) she very rarely rings me to see how I am.

This past week I’ve tried to ring her twice but there was no answer. She never rings me back.

She calls around the rest of the family daily.

AIBU to just take the hint and stop bothering?

Take the hint.. mine is the same. I once didn't phone her for a while and it was six weeks before she called.

Yeah I tried that before. Didn’t ring her for a few weeks and then I heard from family members that she’d been telling them she hadn’t heard from me for a while 🤔

Sounds like maybe she doesn't care about you very much.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, just being honest. My mum is the same. It hurts but there isn't much you can do.

Ask her.

I don't speak to my parents every week.

If there's something important we'll contact each other but we have separate lives.

Nah she’s a bit of a narcissist and will play the victim, telling all the family that I rang up trying to start an argument. I can’t be arsed with the drama. Easier to just accept it for what it is.

Btw she also speaks to and sees my half sister daily

I think parents expect adc to do the keeping in touch bit.

My mum is the same. I just don't bother now, I go visit my parents about once every 6 weeks with no contact inbetween.
I know for a fact they expect me to do all the contact as that was the exact relationship my mum had with her mum.

My Mum is the same. It's been over a week now and I always start to feel guilty that I haven't phoned her. I never want to phone her, just feel I should and I normally come away afterwards feeling annoyed about something she has said. She will never ring me, even if I text her about something interesting or exciting that is going on, she will never ring me to find out the details.

I feel like we are just going through the motions and it makes me so sad. At the end of conversations she always says quite formally "Thank you for ringing."

My dad would say the same about me. I do care, it just doesn't occur to me to phone him.

Didn’t ring her for a few weeks and then I heard from family members that she’d been telling them she hadn’t heard from me for a while 🤔

Had a similar thing with my mum, my response was that my phone can take calls as well as making them.

My mum is similar probably not as bad though. I now live closer to her so see her more now. When I lives in a different city it was me who did all the contacting. But the increased contact is mainly because I see my sister and niece regularly. So she comes along when we meet up. But veryrarely calls me or suggests meeting up etc. It is jar particularly because she has a good relationship with my sister. I don't really know the best way to come to terms with it. However one thing I do is just make the effort I'm comfortable with.

If she didn’t phone any of her children, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt, and think that she assumes you have busy working lives and doesn’t want to pester you. I mostly leave it to my DC to call me for that reason, although I do check with them if it’s been a while, and we contact each other on social media and meet up fairly regularly as we only live 50 miles apart.
However, you say that she DOES phone your siblings, and you are the only one ignored.
That screams “toxic parent” to me, I’m afraid. It sounds like you are the one she’s chosen to play the role of scapegoat, and your siblings the role of golden child. Have a look on the “stately homes” thread on MN - it might strike a chord with you.
If it’s indeed the case, then nothing you can do will please her or normalise the relationship, and you’d be wise to reduce or cut contact with her altogether.

Are you me?
I was taking my DS round every Sunday to see my mum. She would never contact me in between. Then I would hear she's being doing days out/meals with my half sister and her children every day on her week off work but not a word to see my DS.
It hurts, I'm now not talking to her as it will never change.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.
One I my kids went abroad to work

I didn't contact him often because I assumed he was having a great time and would call if he needed me
Now he has moved back home an he needs me a lot more and Im there for him.
Don't assume that your mother doesnt care
And If you wantel her to call you bloody well tell her. She's not a mind reader.

Same here. She only rings if someone dies so much so that when last year I was travelling with a work colleague and when we stopped at a garage I noticed a missed call from my mother and I said to my colleague I am just going to use the loo before I ring her back to find out who has died. My uncle had. I just accept it now and ring and visit when it suits me.