Am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

[Sodoei07]

I want to do graduate entry medicine but I feel saddened because my first experience at university was so awful. I was depressed, suicidal and anxious throughout. I struggled a lot socially and I didn’t have any friends apart from talking to a few people that were on my course.

I feel sad that I didn’t have my university experience and I’ll be too old now as most people will be married, engaged or have children by the time I am in university this time round. I’m finding it upsetting. I feel like I’ve wasted the best years of my life on feeling depressed and anxious and dealing with a long term illness on top of that. I’m saddened that I don’t have good memories of my time at university in undergraduate.

The thought of applying for graduate entry medicine also makes me feel left behind. Like I should be further along in my career at this age and carrying on with my life. I’ll be in my thirties by the time I complete medicine and I’ll be so behind compared to most people in their 30s.

I won’t be married, engaged or have children and I’ll be at the beginning of a career that other doctors started years ago. Plus other people the same age will have finished university years ago by that point. However I want to become a doctor so I have no choice but to go this route.

If I do medicine it will feel as if the first five years of my adult life were an utter waste and on some ways they were as I wish I had had more positive experiences.

Are you telling yourself "when I complete this course I will be happy" or "while I'm completing this course I can be happy"?

Don't defer your happiness off into the future based on the completion of goals x, y, or z but bring it into each day of your life. Smaller, less remarkable moments and experiences can be just as precious as bigger life goals, if not more so.

Otherwise you run the risk of continually postponing happiness based on whether you feel you've achieved sufficiently major goals. It doesn't need to be like that. And there's more to you than that.

Thank you for your post @thetimekeeper,

“Are you telling yourself "when I complete this course I will be happy" or "while I'm completing this course I can be happy"?”

You sound like you suffer from depression. You should be excited about starting to study for a career you want to do. You don't. You sound like it's a chore that needs to be done.

Why is your mother and sister keeping up with your bullies? This is very odd.

“Why is your mother and sister keeping up with your bullies? This is very odd.”
@Bluntness100, my mum’s view is that it happened years ago so according to her I should move on.

To be fair, even when it was happening she didn’t seem bothered. Not all parents are sympathetic about their child being bullied. shrugs

Well your mother has a very odd attitude.

Have you actually done your applications?

@Bluntness100, not yet, I have until 15 October to submit as that is the deadline for medicine.

”I feel like I’ve wasted the best years of my life on feeling depressed and anxious and dealing with a long term illness on top of that.”

You haven’t wasted the best years of your life. Those years weren’t the best years of your life. The best years of your life are ahead of you!

@flowery

I changed career 18 months ago (almost 40 now) and wish I'd done it 15 years ago.

My whole degree was an expensive waste of time and I spent most of my 20s/30s unhappy in some corporate ratrace always thinking I was 'nearly there.'

Can't change the past but you can defo ruin the future worrying about it.

Medicine is extremely tough. You will be dealing with people who are very clever, very confident and resilient. You'll be under pressure a lot of the time. Are you sure you are ready for the intensity of it?

And will you apply? Your op is very much "if" and "thinking about" and then full of negativity.

@Bluntness100 I will , thanks for your comments, I guess I was being negative but I’ve thought about it and decided to go ahead 🤞

Good luck op and make sure you do it. Nothing worse than looking back with regret.

I would have a read of This is going to hurt first - to give you an idea of the intensity. You'll be dealing with angry, upset patients but I guess you know that.

I cannot emphasis enough the resilience required to enter the medical profession.

You need to know yourself well, and build your areas where you feel vulnerable and have very strong strategies in place to protect yourself.

In terms of your application, what experience have you got so far? Its imperative thst you have your eyes fully open to the level of ferocious competition you will be entering and working in.

All this is said in kindness with mind to your own emotional and psychological well-being. To survice this you will need to have excellent coping strategies and a lot of resilience, as well as your great brains!

You need some experience that will give you these insights as well as the medical depth and breadth required for your application.

What do you have so far, as you dont have much time left to do this now. Have you had mortuary work for example?