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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel ashamed that I don't have any friends and I haven't socialised for a year?

19 replies

Shameandblameldn · 18/07/2019 14:57

I left my ex nearly 2 years ago, have three dcs. And I'm 30. Didn't see any of my old friends since I had my youngest in 2016, I'd speak to a few on WhatsApp but never went out with them even though they invited me to certain events. After giving birth to my youngest, I suffered with depression and anxiety. Put on a lot of weight, felt ashamed to go out and that made me even more depressed. So I was pretty much housebound.

It wasn't until August 2018 that I joined a Meetup group and went out with a few people from that group, I haven't met any of them again because I just wanted to lose weight, and sort myself out. I wasn't working at that time.

So for the past 12 months, all I have been doing is working, picking the kids up from school, cooking, cleaning, bedtime and REPEAT.

I feel ashamed to say I don't have a single friend and I haven't socialised with anyone for a whole year. And this is also something ex would use against me in arguments ' you don't have any friends' ' you don't go out' ' you don't have a life beyond these walls' etc Hmm I'm planning to join a gym, and another meet-up group soon and just get out there again.

But I'm just looking to see if anyone else is in the same situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shameandblameldn · 18/07/2019 15:18

Anyone? Sad

OP posts:
IWantAPinkHouse · 18/07/2019 15:27

Yes I am in a similar situation. I am friends with people I work with but that is very much work based and I haven't had a proper night out for a year (thanks FB memories!).

I've also been to a couple of meet ups but felt that they were too big for me to go alone.

I've got a DD and when she is at her dad's I don't actually do anything or go anywhere because I've got no one to call on.

I'm not sure what the answer is but you are not alone!

LifeofClimb · 18/07/2019 15:31

Didn't want to read and run... you're not alone. I don't have kids so I'm not in your exact situation but a lot of friends (of the few I had!) have moved away and got their own families which means I don't socialise as much as I'd like.

Have you tried your workplace and kid's schools as places to find friends? You'll have common ground to start with. Check a few of your local gyms - you'll find different ones have different kinds of people, so check them out before you commit. See if they have taster classes.

Toodeloo · 18/07/2019 15:48

Dito!

TeachesOfPeaches · 18/07/2019 15:50

I'm a single parent and I've not gone out in 3 years ! You're not alone

Herocomplex · 18/07/2019 15:54

I’m so sorry that you’re not feeling very confident but please don’t put off living your life until you’ve lost weight. People come in all shapes and sizes and most people don’t really care! I hope you find something you enjoy soon.

Powerbunting · 18/07/2019 15:59

Glad you are planning to get out there again. For the most part humans are social animals.

But it sounds a little as if you still care too much what others think. Your boyfriend used to say you stayed in too much. ... you stopped going to the meetup group because you wanted to lose weight (why did that mean you couldn't go out? )

Go. See what's out there

Provincialbelle · 18/07/2019 16:03

There is a very depressing number of these threads on MN. Or maybe it’s reassuring to know so many others have this experience.

One thing I would say - no one cares about your weight, it won’t stop any genuine person being your friend, so don’t let it stop you

Kko1986 · 18/07/2019 16:05

You are not alone in this my life before my daughter was staying in and spending time with husband. Since having my daughter I now work evenings and look after my daughter all day no mummy friends. She starts nursery in November so might meet some but I may not I'm just a loner type always have been x

SmallHope · 18/07/2019 16:07

Please don't let your weight stop you doing things, you sound like a lovely person and you deserve to get out and enjoy time with friends. The worst thing is to isolate yourself!

I understand somewhat (although I don't have DC, but trying, fertility issues) as my friends have moved away one by one - I don't have local friends anymore and so I volunteer to 'get out'.

If you're in the Midlands I'd happily meet up for a coffee and chat :)

QuckTheDuck · 18/07/2019 16:12

Yup Haven't had a night out in YEARS! as I don't have many non-work friends Even DH and I haven't been out alone in about oooh five years?

Roomba · 18/07/2019 16:20

You're not alone! I don't have any friends who are local any more and can't remember the last time I did anything that wasn't either with my kids or in my own. Tbh I've been so busy it hasn't bothered me so far, but I wouldn't want it to continue like this forever so will have to do something to change it ASAP.

zzzap · 18/07/2019 16:21

I haven't been out with anyone apart from DP and "mutual" friends which a really his friends from wayyyy before we met in over a year.

I literally have no one who I could call for a coffee or invite on a night out never mind confide in .
I moved a lot as a child and ended up in a rough school where I never made any actual friends so here I am.

MereDintofPandiculation · 18/07/2019 16:27

I feel ashamed to say I don't have a single friend and I haven't socialised with anyone for a whole year. Nothing to be ashamed about. There's nothing particularly moral about socialising.

And this is also something ex would use against me in arguments ' you don't have any friends' ' you don't go out' ' you don't have a life beyond these walls' etc That alone would be a good reason for him becoming an ex.

PaulinesPenStash · 18/07/2019 16:36

Thanksfor you op

No real advice but I feel the same. I literally have one real friend that I can count on, but she is chronically unwell so don't see each other often. I do have other friends but they're shit. Always leaving me out etc

My dc are like my best friends, as pathetic as that sounds

I feel embarrassed

PaulinesPenStash · 18/07/2019 16:38

Whoops posted too soon

Last sentence was meant to say "I feel embarrassed about it because everyone else seems to have a big group of friends"

Original poster
Shameandblameldn · 18/07/2019 16:40

I know my weight shouldn't hold be back, but it always has. I'm 16 stone now, I used to feel so self conscious about my body I wouldn't leave the house. Things have improved a bit when it comes to my self esteem, but still the thought of socialising again makes me so nervous. Maybe it's because I haven't done it for a while, I don't know.

@SmallHope aww that sounds lovely, but unfortunately I'm in London Sad

OP posts:
NKFell · 18/07/2019 16:41

Absolutely no need to be ashamed!

Don't let your weight be a barrier to seeing people if that's what you want.

zafferana · 18/07/2019 16:42

Banish the shame and resolve to make changes that make you feel better about yourself, starting now. You can't change the past, but a year from now resolve to look back and be proud of how far you've come. Joining a MeetUp group is great, as if joining a gym. Every adult needs to have a life of their own. You're a single parent, so it can be hard, but if your ex has the DC some of the time, use that time to develop more of a life for yourself.

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