To feel as though I am on the verge of a mental breakdown?

[SleepsleepsleepImissyou]

Sitting at work right now and I could just cry.
I cried this morning at the thought of going in. I cried last night at the thought of another day.

I haven't had a decent night's sleep in about 2 months. The baby is 14 months old and wakes up every morning between 3:30 - 4am, wide awake, wanting some food and wanting to play. She will not go back down to sleep. Have tried putting her to bed later, no change. Tried waking her up to feed her before I go to bed, still doesn't work.
My partner will get up with her a couple of mornings in the week, but as I'm the one who takes her to nursery, a extra hour in bed on the days he gets up with her doesn't really help.

I work full time and my job has been very stressful and demanding for the last 3 months (several projects all coming in to deadline at the same time). I have to go on a global-conference call in 15 minutes and roll out some of the new functionality that one of my projects has brought in and I'm not the best at public speaking/training at the best of times. So I've been stressing over this (not a part of my normal job role) all night.

On top of this, we are/have been waiting for over 2 weeks to hear if our mortgage application has been approved. We submitted it through a broker who said everything looked good and there shouldn't be any issues, but I haven't heard anything other than the underwriter coming back with some questions, which made me even more anxious, so have been pestering them (not trying to be annoying) but the whole process has left me feeling sick to my stomach every day, have had trouble sleeping/eating, then I get woken up at an ungodly time anyway.

No chance for time off work at the moment. I have a week off pre-booked at start of August but it still feels like a million miles away. Haven't had a full week off since last year when I came back from maternity leave.

God just reading this back, I sound terribly whiny! But I just feel very out of control at the moment.... I shouldn't be crying so much at the thought of another day should I? :(

Can you book a couple of days leave to sleep. Things seem so much more manageable when you feel refreshed. Or go off sick for a few days? You can self certify for that.
I know how it feels as my child didn't sleep for more than 4 hours at a stretch day or night for the first 3 years! It was torture. I started to hallucinate, used to feel nauseous all the time and couldn't concentrate at work. I had to drop to part time but still used the nursery to catch up on sleep and dh, bless him, had to take up residence on a futon in ds room half the week to give me a break. He's a teenager now and only just sleeping through consistently tbh. I think we could have been tougher on a sleep regime a lot earlier but couldn't bear the crying.

If you have spare cash it might be worth engaging a sleep consultant.

You have a lot on your plate. I feel like I have experienced similar-a few years back had a 10 month old and 3 year old-had returned to a job which I didn't like but needed. Got a new more flexible job ad moved house-hated new job even more (same sector)-house sale incredibly stressful-just felt like I was on the edge-would cry on way to work etc. Honestly I went to Drs and Counselling-had sertraline-made me feel amazing and CBT-a combo made me feel like I could cope. Not suggesting this is the answer but it made a world of difference to me.....Also knowing what going through a house move with young children is like do you need to move house right now or could it be delayed until your little one is older? This is assuming it's for a house move..... either way-could our husband/.partner be the main point of contact for that?

Good luck with whatever you choose. I came to realise my job was bloody awful-always was always will be... so left and have been pottering in lower paid jobs, but we can afford to live, plus retraining to do something hopefully more rewarding.

Good luck. Yu will get through this....

Thank you for replying!

@lightsabre... 3 years (!) You must be a saint! Yes, the crying is awful. She is still in our room until we move house as well, as there is nowhere else to put her, so every time she wakes up, she wakes us up without fail, she's like a bloody foghorn. Would hate for the neighbours to be disturbed as well, so I end up getting up at these stupid times.

@shirlm, I'm struggling with one child, you must be superwoman with 2 !

Unfortunately there is no option to book last minute time off at the moment. I do actually love my job (well the job description) although it doesn't sound like that from the original post, I just don't like it when I get roped in to doing things that are technically not in my remit and I have barely enough time as it is to do my own work. I guess it's just a really busy time and the baby has an impeccable sense of timing to start playing up at night. Honestly, she slept better as a newborn than what she does now.

I could give DP some ownership regarding the house move, but he is so laid back he's practically horizontal. I guess I am a bit of a control freak, to my undoing! Maybe looking into CBT would be an idea ! :) I hate living with these levels of anxiety/stress, especially when I look around and DP is just chilling there. I don't want to delay the house move, as we have found a house we love in a perfect location, and we are renting at the moment in a grotty area! Getting away from there is a priority.... I just wish we could have some idea of whether we have been approved or not, then that would be a weight off my mind .....

Lack of sleep can affect us so much. I would take a day off sick and use it to sleep while baby is in nursery. Kind thoughts