To ask how I'm supposed to 'evidence' this request?

[illbestraightback]

In summary I'm halfway through a Postgraduate programme. I study p/t. I have two young children aged (currently) 3 and 5 (just). Eldest is just finishing reception, youngest starts school in September and will be the youngest in the school as an end-of-August baby.

My eldest has struggled massively this year with the transition to school, in ways I hadn't expected. Academically all is fine, and school have no concerns, but at home he is exhausted, emotional all the time, enormous outbursts and meltdowns constantly. I've struggled to balance the study aspect around basically, the worry in making sure he's okay, and helping him as much as I can to feel better, be calmer etc.

I'm really worried about his adjustment into year 1 when the workload increases. But furthermore, having just had one child go through their Reception Year I'm also now worried about how my youngest will fare in this first reception year. If he has a similar experience then I can foresee the same sorts of intensity, but can be more prepared this time perhaps.

I love my studies but they've very much taken a backseat this year against the backdrop of managing an explosive child around school hours. In the quiet times, and after bed etc, I'm exhausted too, and I worry a lot and feel sad that I can't do more to help. It has meant I've not performed as well as I'd have hoped on my course as I've not been committing as much time to research etc.

So on reflection, I want to take a year out of the course while my youngest starts school and see how they both fare next academic year. I don't want the added worry of study and deadlines and assignments and tutorials if they're both struggling.

I have submitted a request for one year's study break (or 'intercalation') and cited all of the above, but the University has replied to say I need to supply supporting third party evidence along with my request or it won't even be considered.

I have no clue what I can supply?!

I rang them and explained that my concerns were parental - my son's school has no concerns over his academic performance, and we have no Health Visitor or similar that I've had any interaction with since we moved here when the children were babies.

The lady I spoke to told me to go and get a letter from my GP???? When I asked about what, she said it shows your request is 'stress-related'. This feels like bullshit, and a complete waste of my (already overloaded) GPs time. Telephone advisor stated not to worry as 'this is very normal request for a GP, they get asked for this stuff all the time'.

I don't feel comfortable bothering my GP with something entirely non-medically related for something that feels like it's solely parental instinct.

Does any one have any experience of similar or any ideas at all what 3rd party evidence I can supply for this kind of thing?! I had submitted letters showing both children were indeed at, or starting at, aforementioned school in support of the fact that they're the ages they are etc, but they have advised this is irrelevant.

I don't want to abandon the course, but taking a break is absolutely the best thing for my family.

What can I do?

Honestly, I'd go the GP route as the means to the end.

Go to your GP.

The university can only delay on certain medical grounds - you knew you had kids so in themselves they are not a reason. Gp can sign off on stress/mental health issues grounds

Ask the school to help? Even if they have no concerns at school they might be willing to say you’ve brought up your concerns with them. But I’d also see the GP, it seems daft to jeopardise your studies because you don’t want to bother the doctor. People see the doctor for far less relevant things.

Yes, go to your GP. You sound stressed whatever the cause.

Book a telephone appointment with your with your GP. Have them cite stress on the letter/form to university . It's a tick box exercise but necessary for the university to show their standards etc. I know it seems daft.

Would they accept something from the pastoral care lead at your childrens' school?

*Children's

Your other option is to get documentation of your child’s stress. You might need to do this anyway because if the problems persist, you will want an evaluation.

They’ve told you what to do.

Have you got a friend in a professional job that could give you something? In the same way teachers or police can sign your passport photos!

Sounds like ridiculous bureaucracy on the part of they university but it sounds like they have already told you what evidence they need, so I’d just play along and go and see the GP. Agree it’s silly but it’s a means to amend for you.

*means to an end

I agree it's stupid, and you may not want stress on your medical record. I took a year out of post-grad for similar reasons and I didn't have to provide any proof, but I guess different universities / courses are different. Is there a welfare person at the student union who could help?

Get a friend to write a letter? I agree it’s not right to be bothering a GP over something like this.Also your GP may refuse...mine did when my gym wanted one saying I was fit enough to workout

In their eyes, if it's a good enough reason for them to grant you permission for a year off, then it's a good enough reason for you to go to the GP. They aren't going to grant years off willy nilly just because someone has an instinct that their kids would benefit from their mum not doing her part time course.

They told you what it would take. Listen to them.

Go to the GP but offer to pay for the letter as private work. Still an appointment but at least you are not using nhs time for getting the letter written.

I think they want you to provide some written evidence at least to show that you committed to the course enough to go to that effort. Its a part-time postgraduate course, presumably you aren't holding down a job as well, and your DC are starting school. There will be people doing your course with all sorts of responsibilities. They have told you what evidence they require, so why not just provide it? Its not all that time consuming. They need you to show commitment that you are going to return and you need the intercalated year for a good purpose, not just convenience.

Have you thought about delaying your youngests transition and leaving him at Montessori for an extra year as an alternative option?

Do what you need to do. Visit your GP, get the letter, take your intercalation. Put your conscience in your pocket like everyone else.

I would get a GP letter but wouldn't have them cite stress or any other mental health problem if there isn't one there. Once mental health issues are on your medical record it can cause problems with getting health insurance and life assurance (for mortgage etc) in the future.

Don’t go to your GP. Honestly, GPs hate this GANFYD culture (Get A Note From Your Dr). What does your GP actually know about the situation unless you’ve been consulting with them regularly about it?

Make an appointment with your health visitor, explain the issues to them and you might get both help for managing the situation AND a note.

I work in a UK university and students intermit (intercalate) all the time for all sorts of reasons, including just not coping. Have you been to student services/faculty-based student support at the university? They could probably refer you to a counsellor, who could then support your request to intermit. You would just need to tell them how stressed this is making you (your OP said you worry/feel sad about the situation). Universities are judged on their completion rates, which is why they usually try to support students to successfully complete their courses by every means possible. If they think you might drop out with an exit award if your request isn't agreed, they may be more flexible. I've worked at 3 different unis and find your university's stance extremely odd. Are you outside the UK? The uni I work for bends over backwards to support its learners, particularly anyone with caring responsibilities, and I would have thought most operate similar policies.

Before all this, I would speak to your childs school. Your youngest could be absolutely fine, your eldest has had a year to settle (not convinced that they have more "work" in year 1 tbh.)