Playground awkwardness

[mailboxfull]

I posted a few months back about my son and his classmate clashing over the play equipment at school www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3539027-Advice-re-DS-DS-friend-and-my-friend

I heeded lots of advice given, made sure i was firm with DS, made sure he shared - took him in a little later etc and the issue seemed to go for some time.

Other child A went away during term. DS played with others in the morning without any issue - happily taking turns on the play equipment.

When A got back to school, it went ok then issues began again where A would get upset over things to do with DS - because he was looking at him, because when A had got to the playground DS hadn't immediately surrended the play equipment. Again I reinforced with DS and he continued to share.

To be honest I fucking dread the school drop off each morning because each morning A seems to get upset over something my DS, or someone else has done.

This morning they were all playing nicely and I heard A say to his Mum that DS had said he wasn't A's friend. I said to A "Don't be silly A, I'm sure he is" A was in tears. As far as I am concerned this is playground nonsense and most kids will turn friendships round lots during a day.

I have got a message off A's Mum saying basically she thinks whilst her son is sensitive that she things my son is being "a bit too mean" to her son, and quoting the incident this morning.

She has also said her son has said my son has been hitting and elbowing him - suggesting that she cant see her son bringing that on.

I have sent a very polite and carefully worded message back - basically kowtowing to say i hadnt been informed of any elbowing or hitting and school hadn't raised such with me. That I would again talk to my son. That perhaps they are different characters and rub each other up the wrong way and that as my son isn't really the sensitive kind, perhaps he does/says things that the other child is sensitive to.

Ive suggested that perhaps the summer break will do them good to have space.

I have also checked with my husband who collects that nothing has been said about elbowing etc and he said not.

Fuck me. Is this what I am going to have to deal with for the rest of his school time?

A friend, who would tell me truthfully told me that she didnt see what my son had said as wrong - that it's just kids and that A is far too sensitive.

What can I do because I am fed up of it all....

#2moredaysatschool #thankfuck

It feels as though she is blaming my son for everything and that I should be disciplining him for what I see as just kid stuff.

Ah kids are a nightmare and there is always someone they clash with. Just keep doing what you're doing for now. And yes it keeps happening I'm afraid!

Just tell her ‘I’ll work on my son being gentle and kind to yours and you work on your son being able to cope with normal child interactions.’

‘I’ll work on my son being gentle and kind to yours and you work on your son being able to cope with normal child interactions.’ I wish I had the balls to do this... but it is most definitely what I am thinking...

Yes he has hussle and tussle or whatever with other kids but no one elses parent comes to me about it, or if I say something, like when in Sept my son bit someone, the response has been "Don't worry, it's just kids!"

It's frustrating and I think situations like this are tricky to navigate. I've been in them before and fir a while I was so concerned about what the other parent thought that I lost sight of the fact that there were being ridiculous and clearly didn't care about what I thought of them.

Just continue as you are, give them a wide birth and don't go too hard on your son for acting like a child.

OP, forgive me if I'm interpreting this incorrectly from your post, but when A arrives at the playground and wants the toy (or whatever) that your child is playing with, do you make your child hand it over?

It's good for kids to share, but also it's good for kids to understand that if someone is playing with something you have to wait for your turn. It's not your fault if the other kid gets upset because he doesn't have patience.

However I appreciate your OP isn't war and peace and therefore you may already be doing this where you have A wait before getting your child to hand the thing over.

Oh also YANBU, child A sounds very sensitive and to have focused this in on your child and that's not really your issue to have to deal with and must be irritating!

I’d keep the focus on keeping them apart.

She has been there when her son has made up lies to get your son in trouble. So whilst your son may not be an angel, her son loves complaining about yours. So I think you are within your rights to say that as the boys have different stories of what happened and there are no adult witnesses, it is probably best for them to not play together as far as possible and for all adults involved to keep an eye on the situation so it does not get out of hand. You are within your rights to not try and correct the behaviour of a child who you do not know has done anything wrong.

Stop arriving so early! Or stand and talk to someone else; it can’t be just the two of you in the playground. How long before the bell goes are you hanging around for?
FWIW, most schools won’t allow kids to play on the equipment outside break times. For insurance reasons in the case of accidents, I presume?

For next term I would ask a teacher if ‘x’ happened (elbowing etc). If the teacher says no, then I would broken record that line to the other parent. Something along the lines of “mrs x said that’s not happening” or “I have raised this with mrs x and she said there’s no issue”.
I had a parent ‘report’ my DD to the teacher because her DD didn’t want to go to school because my DD said they are not friends. The teacher told her they all say that to each other at the moment (including her child). As the teacher wouldn’t do anything about it, she approached me directly. I said my DD often says I’m not her friend either.... and then acted casual about the fact they’ll be saying something else next week.
They are 4 by the way.
Unfortunately some parents just want to blame everyone else rather then deal with the issue of their own child’s behaviour themselves.