I don't seem to like any of DD's friends

[HandbagsAtDawnOrMidday]

We're coming to the end of Year 7 in a new school and I can't wait for the holidays. DD is using me to dump all her negative feeliings about her friends, which is fine, but I'm begining to wonder if there is one normal kid in the school.

With DD, I look for the positives but it's bloody hard. They've just been away on a residential and her two closest friends struggled, moaning all the time about the 'boring' museums, wrong type of pizza, no wi-fi on the coach..... the list was endess and rather took the shine off the trip for DD.

AIBU to dislike DD's friends, will the summer holidays transfor them into positive, enthusastic kids I can be pleased DD is spending time with?

They might be lovely DC really ... or failing that, there is a lot of churn in friendships between Year 7 and Year 8!

Nah, definitely not BU, they all seem to turn into entitled brats for a while around this age and they seem to honestly, actually think that the world revolves around them :/

The good news is that they will eventually grow out of this phase ( most will anyway) :). The bad news is that it takes quite a while :(

remember to smile :)

Gross generalisation here but this is a bloody awful age for girls.

Oh god op before I opened your post I wondered if it would be about this age group! I feel your pain. My dd is also coming to the end of her first year in secondary school and I can't stand any of her friends either. I feel bad but they all seem to have so many issues! Unless my dd is just seeking out the crazy ones..worry whenever she's out with them.

@ spam390..when roughly do they grow out of this phase? I miss my happy girl

I am sorry and relieved it's not just me.
They all have bloody 'issues' but having heard the excuses some of the parents come up with it is a wonder they are not worse.
I wonder if at this point parental disappointment is fueling a blame game. The grown ups are blaming the school/teachers/the weather for bad maths test results /lost PE kit/London being crowded.
I'm desperate for DD to find a friend whose actually got a grip, celebrating the good bits, learning & moving on when it's not perfect.

Can we expect a surge of realism and independence over the summer?

My dd is 22 now and I remember this awful stage so well. Unfortunately for her it didn't get any better as her "friends" really were dicks.

She had a brilliant university experience thankfully.

I bumped into one of the dicks about 2 weeks ago and she's still a dick.

Hope your dd has a better time coming.

I hated that age with a passion. I dont envy you one bit. Its hell when you are in the midst of it and think it will never get better but it does. Both DD and her friends were horrible. They are all 18/19 now and on the whole lovely hardworking pleasant humans😂

Good to hear that there is light at the end of the tunnel!

I would n't trust DD at the moment to organise brushing her teeth without a shouted daily reminder so I doubt we can just pack her off to university just yet

Glad you posted this, just thought it was my dd and her friends, it is all so negative. The way she says they speak to others, each other and even teachers is horrible though am hoping some of it is all drama and exaggerated, meaning she is elaborating. Today some of the girls were very mean to another girl, my daughter stood up for this girl and as a result is now not being spoken to by her so called friends. Have suggested maybe she needs to reconsider who her friends are and who she chooses to hang around with. It's all exhausting.

At the moment, I'm I can't tell from Dd's one sided testimony whether she and/or her friends are going to grow out of it or whether this is it forever.
Luckily as soon as the holidays start we're off for a couple of weeks with limited wi-fi access, so I'll we'll get a bit of distance.

Don't underestimate the impact of hormones at that age. Hate to say this op but there's a fair chance it'll get worse before it gets better

Teenagers moan,they need to vent. Bear in mind sometimes they exaggerate and omit the fact they too did said behaviour.

Its very possible the parents of dds friends are saying the same about their dds friends, including your daughter.

It's just a phase. A horrible, grinding, looong phase. But it will pass!

This is a terrible age for kids. They’re still children but they aren’t cute and endearing any more so they don’t get that free pass. They think they’re grown up but everyone still sees and treats them as kids. They’re hormonal and their bodies are changing, but not at the same time as each other. They’re having to learn to interact with their peers as people who might fancy each other, not just as friends. It’s a difficult, miserable time!

All of which is to say, they will probably mostly turn out to be perfectly decent and pleasant people once this terrible age is over.

DD obviously feels better for off loading the negative stuff but despite lots of encouragement, I hear very little about the happy times!
In earlier years it was easier to observe from a distance various combinations of kids having a good time but secondary school cuts a lot of those opportunities so DD 'testimony' ends up having greater weight.
I'll keep offering lifts, providing space & pizza for outside school, I'm desperate to find some positives.

Anyone any experience about this age becoming fussy eaters? The last few times I've been faced with all sorts of do's & don'ts eg. No spicy food but chilli deritos essential. No pizza unless it's branded Pizza Express. Vegetarian but no salad or green veg.

I'm desperate for DD to find a friend whose actually got a grip, celebrating the good bits, learning & moving on when it's not perfect

I think expectations like this are going a little too far. These kids are still works in progress, not the finished article. They're melodramatic and filled with all kinds of nonsense, but this is the age when they're supposed to be that way. If it continues til they're 37 then fair play, they're knobs, but Year 7 children just don't often have the capacity to do all those things you've listed above.

My Year 8 this morning lay on the sofa in his towel openly weeping because his 'special' cricket pants weren't washed and ready for tonight's game. That's the level of ridiculousness I've learned to expect from teens. By all means push them to celebrate and enjoy things, but don't be surprised when they can't/don't/won't. It won't last forever (will it?)

Yep it's an awful age but if they make a decent bunch of friends it starts to improve in year 9. If their friends are real drama queens etc it changes in year 9 but doesn't improve!

Year 10 tends to see them working harder and then getting stressed about GCSEs so it's not really any better but it's easier to understand and sympathise with.

Fudge brownie lucky cricket pants - my older DD could n't possibly play guitar the other night without her check shirt, and it was my fault for not retrieving it from her rucksack and washing it within the generous 8hour window.

Puberty and the menopause, it's a perfect storm in this house.

Is DD one of the youngest in her year? If so, I hate to break it to you, OP, but you might find her turning into one of those awful moany girls too in Year 8.

Fortunately, as PP said, it's a phase. They'll (hopefully) come through the other side ...