To be an adult whose confidence is still affected by school bullying?

[Serse14]

I’m an adult in my twenties and I left school several years ago but I’m still affected by the bullying and teasing I faced while I was in school.
This is embarrassing for me to feel this way but I’m extremely socially awkward even as an adult and lacking in confidence in some ways because of my experiences as a child/teenager.
I feel dumb for feeling like this but I can’t seem to let go of the past and view myself differently to that girl from school and I’m worried that people view me that way still.
Am I just being unreasonable?

So many of these posts resonate with me. Similar to others I wasn't physically bullied, but name calling, humiliated, rumours and then social exclusion.

It has left me very wary of other people and I tend to try and suss people out from a distance before choosing to engage with them. All very well if it is a school gate situation, but not so good in networking or work!

I do feel it left me with the ability to almost become socially invisible (the leave me alone vibe) and also be super observant. When you have spent 5 years of your life sitting in class observing your bullies and waiting for them to start on you...it does leave a mark. Also feel it has left me quite cynical!

I hope things are better for kids now....

35 years ago since I was bullied at primary and high school, it still affects my confidence now. It's a bad thing to think but I almost wish that all the boy's that bullied me if they had kids that were being bullied they could see how it affects people.

Yep. Mid thirties and I haven't forgotten. It's shaped my whole life. I was humiliated multiple times a day, every day at secondary school for the 7 years I was there. I barely scraped through uni because I was battling with anxiety, panic attacks, paranoia and A serious case of OCD. I had no self esteem or self respect, made bad decisions about men, accepted unacceptable behaviour, became a person I hated just to try and "fit in", became angry and quick to temper, and did many, many things I regret.

Things are better now, My self esteem and self respect are better after a lot of work, but I wasted a LOT of my life before I got the help I really needed.

Bullying can be life-destroying, truly.

Thanks @thecatsthecats, I’ll try to remember this: “At school, school was half your world. Your friends all lived there and you went there most days. Being bullied could drastically affect a huge proportion of your life.

As an adult with a job, the things and people I love are all external to work”

Yes, even when I was in school, some of the teachers were bullies. Embarrassing people in class, calling them out publicly, giving sarcastic comments to reasonable questions etc. @IsobelRae23

I even had one teacher, an older woman in her fifties who gleefully came to tell me when I was a teenager that all my friends had been talking about me behind my back. She wasn’t trying to help, she was laughing at me. This is the same teacher who openly mocked me in front of the class.

Very sad to read some of these posts.

I was not bullied myself at school but I do look back at feel guilt that I did not do more to stop those doing the bullying. I guess there was always that fear that if you stuck your head above the parapet you would become a target yourself. Cowardly I know, but it was easier to just not get involved.

Yes, another one here 🤦‍♀️ led to severe anxiety, self harm and panic attacks which followed me all through uni and early twenties. Now I'm working I still find it so hard to fit in. I find it really difficult to form friendships and just HATE all female group situations. I tried counselling both at school and uni but didn't find it all that helpful.
I'm only in limited contact with one or two school friends as I find it too painful to think back to those times.

Glad to know I'm not alone though

I wasn't bullied badly but i feel really hateful towards people and school in general.