Holiday and custody agreements

[MenopausalMrs]

I just want to check if I am BU or STBXH is.

We work to an agreed overnights plan for our 2 x DC. He works shifts so there is little flexibility in times he can have them. He has them less than 90 nights per year. I work my social and work life arrangements around this plan.

He is taking the 2 x DC away on holiday for a week over the summer holidays – some of these days fall on days when according to the plan I would have them overnight. He is now saying that the week after his holiday he won’t have the DC on his agreed days because he had them the week previously and will need some ‘me time’. I have made arrangements to be away overnight with work and I’m also visiting a friend – plans I arranged according to our agreed schedule.

I have replied to say we work to the plan and he will need to have DC as agreed. He is not happy about it and asking me to change my plans.

I took the kids away at Easter and 2 of the days we were on holiday fell on ‘his days’, but I wouldn’t have dreamt of ‘claiming them back’ and not having the kids the next 2 times I was supposed to!!

So who is BU? Me or him?

Him! He gets over 250 days a year as ‘me time’.

You have enabled him to be a lazy very pt df. He now expects you to do as he wants whenever he wants you to.
Suggest he sorts child care for the dc when you are away in HIS TIME...

Him. Surely it’s not such a chore for him to kook after his own children that he has to claim his extra days back for ‘me’ time!! He’s an idiot OP.

HIM! Tell him no holiday with the kids then.

He’s a dick.

Your custody agreement is unreasonable for not providing for holidays... can you attend mitigation to amend the agreement?

Bit of a shame when people fight about who gets to not have their children.

He’s an idiot. More than 2/3 of his time is “me” time.

I would say he IBU but did you not have discussions beforehand about whether his extra days would be extra or a swap?

Justchecking - no we didn't. Is that a thing? When I took them on holiday it covered 2 of the days he should have had them overnight, but my view was that was my choice to take them at that time.

And he didn't have a discussion with me, just told me he wasn't having them.

If it's such a chore looking after his own kids that he needs "me-time" to recover, when do you get to recover from the 250 days a year that you do your parenting?

Ohdeargod - he believes that because he works shifts his needs trump my needs for me time.

He does have a lot of time in the week as rest days when he doesn't have the kids. I'd call that me time but he doesn't.