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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DH to take the children to his parents for the weekend without me?

21 replies

Pennies · 30/07/2007 09:54

Rant alert.

We were planning on going to my IL's for the weekend this coming weekend but just recently I've been unable to get much done in the house (stuff needs sorting, general tidying, admin etc etc) as DD1 has now dropped her nap but is still at the age when she wants me to play with her loads. DD2 is also a v. demanding child and so I get nothing done except the bare minimum as I spend all day sorting them out. I really really want to sort out their old baby clothes and toys and get them all cleaned up and take them to charity shops. I also really need to do some household admin and have a bit of a spring clean.

So I thought I'd stay here and he could take the kids to his mum's for the weekend - he could have help with them from his parents who dote on the girls and I could actually Get Stuff Done down here as well as have the first break I've had from the LO's since DD1 was born.

He says he doesn't want to go without me because it's "boring". Now, I know I'm not life and soul of the party and I also know that he'll spend most of the weekend with his nose in the papers / watching the sport even if I was there, so IMO boring is the phrase I would me more likely to use. Now I feel guilty for suggesting this, though don't ask me why.

It's not as if I'm going to be spending my time here alone eating sweets and watching TV .

OP posts:

cornsilk · 30/07/2007 09:55

Yes make him go! You'll get loads done and feel better for it.

elasticsortinghandstand · 30/07/2007 09:56

gofor it

throckenholt · 30/07/2007 09:58

does he realise what you plan to do - or does he think you are going to laze around all weekend eating chocolate ?

I would just tell him that your idea is the most sensible thing to do and that is what is going to happen.

Tell him it is not boring to spend time with his children !

HonoriaGlossop · 30/07/2007 10:01

Good idea Pennies. Do not let your DH make you cave in. He's just reluctant about it because he would have all the responsibility and he sniffs out that there may be a bit more work involved for him without you there. He's a man. It's natural.

However what you are asking is totally reasonable. So insist on them going.

Getting Stuff Done becomes an obsession, doesn't it. I so know what you mean about just getting the minimum done when they drop their daytime nap, suddenly life feels much more fraught. DS was/is the same, very full on and wanting us to play all day. I often think "oh, I'll do it in the evening" but by the time I get ds to bed I just collapse. It's not the same as having time in the day to Get Stuff Done

Go for it.

Sparkletastic · 30/07/2007 10:02

Arghhh!! I'm with you all the way on this Pennies - any time spent with my ILs means me single-handedly holding up the conversation, looking after the DDs etc (as ILs not much use on a pratical level) whilst DH snoozes, drinks too much wine, watches back-to-back sport on telly. I've put my foot down once or twice and sent him off on his own to give me a break and my word I haven't regretted it for a moment. Stick to your guns lady!

WideWebWitch · 30/07/2007 10:04

I'd make him take them out during the week so I could do all that stuff BEFORE the weekend then I'd ask him to take them and I'd spend the weekend reading, going to the cinema, meeting friends and generally lolling around.

sparklesandwine · 30/07/2007 10:08

DON'T CAVE IN PENNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have your weekend on your own - with you 100% on this

HonoriaGlossop · 30/07/2007 10:11

www, now that is what a clever person would do..........hmm......

Tommy · 30/07/2007 10:14

DH has done this a couple of times when I have been working and, alst year, when I went away for the weekend ( )

IME, it's a better arrangement as Grandma can look after/spoil the grandchildren withot me getting in the way. I always get very bored when I go tostay as I don't feel I have a role IYSWIM.

Don't give in - this is a great idea. Write a list of the stuff you plan to do and show it to him so he knows what you are going to do.

You will of course, do it in double quick time with no children around so you can relax a bit as well

mm22bys · 30/07/2007 10:51

What a great idea. YANBU!

I would give anything to be able to palm off both DH and the two DSs to my MILs for a weekend. I have so much stuff which needs doing, but just never get around to it....

Good luck!

Original poster

Pennies · 30/07/2007 12:46

I knew you'd be on my side!!! Now all I need to do is to stand my ground and try not to worry that he won't drive like a loon on the motorway (have to really police his speed levels and keep reminding him he has children in the car when he's on the open road )

OP posts:

wheresmysuntan · 30/07/2007 14:49

You must do it Pennies - especially if otherwise you would be the one bored to tears at the IL's or else doing all the childcare. Clearly your dh has twigged that he might have to pull his weight! You could also set a precedent ( if you haven't already) by taking the kids to your parents leaving dh on his own so that he could see it as fair ? I have done this with my dd in summer holidays and managed to get dp to take dd to his parents without me which was a total result as I find them tedious beyond belief.

alicet · 30/07/2007 20:20

YANBU - actually even if you want to lounge around eating sweets YANBU - you are entitled to time away from your dh and dc's to yourself. You are doubly not unreasonable with what you have planned.

Stand your ground with your dh - agree with the poster who said to give a list of what you plan to do. Perhaps you could also say to him that if he is happy to do all of this in the next week when he gets in from work then you will happily come for the weekend! He might well see your point then!

Caroline1852 · 30/07/2007 20:27

I think it will be good for his relationship with his children too, and possibly nice for the grandparents to embrace a more commanding role with their grandchildren for a whole weekend. Also, nothing wrong with spring cleaning and sorting all day and eating the odd choc and watching TV in the evening.

moondog · 30/07/2007 20:29

Don't give in.
Enjoy the time alone
Grandparents will enjoy the kids more too without mum there.

ejt1764 · 30/07/2007 20:34

Can only second you there moondog!

XcupcakemummyX · 30/07/2007 20:37

tidy and clean
but make a tiny space for you too

kimi · 30/07/2007 20:40

Tell him he has the option of taking the children to his parents and having a lovely time while you spring clean, or you take the children and he stays here with a very LONG list of what is to be done by the time you get back

Original poster

Pennies · 31/07/2007 21:09

wheresmysuntan - well tonight I returned from doing just that; I took off with the kids to my dad's for a couple of days, so it meant that last night and this morning he had the place to himself to do whatever he fancied.

Curiously enough, though, he seems to have tidied up (WTF?) so maybe he pre-empted this assuming that a cursory dusting was all I had in mind? I now think that a list is in order here too so I'll get cracking on that.

OP posts:

wheresmysuntan · 31/07/2007 22:09

Good luck 'Pennnies' - and as others have said, make sure you don't spend all your time on chores - I'll bet your dh had some time for himself too.

Caroline1852 · 01/08/2007 20:37

Or you could offer to take the children to your folks the following weekend without him whilst he stays home and executes the list.

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