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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what the norm is for teachers' gifts end of term?

28 replies

Cantaffordthetherapy · 17/07/2019 06:32

Yesterday was my son's end of term at preschool nursery (not school run if that makes a difference but free hours - not an especially affluent nursery). I bought a nice tin of posh biscuits for his keyworker (sort you can keep and reuse the tin for) and have only ever bought chocolates etc at Xmas etc. I noticed someone turning up with a MASSIVE hamper of something (food or smellies) and at the end of the day noticed there were about 3 such gifts. Is this the norm? Am I going to be the stingy parent?
I don't know if it was perhaps people who have children leaving for school (mine isn't) or one extravagant individual who bought for all (I just got keyworker) but I didn't do anything so extravagant when my daughter left.
Was planning on the same gift each for my daughter's two teachers at the end of the week at school - one of whom she has genuinely loved to bits and will miss. She's done a little personalised card for her too. Now I'm wondering if I'm going to look mean!
My mum used to be a teacher and she'd always come home loaded with gifts at the end of term but it was never anything more than boxes of smellies or chocs or the occasional bottle of wine.
AIBU to think these gifts are a bit OTT?

OP posts:
IceRebel · 17/07/2019 06:37

She's done a little personalised card for her too.

Trust me, this is the best gift a teacher or childcare worker could receive, and they will tell you that themselves.

The gifts you have seen over over the top, and whilst they will be accepted with thanks and gratitude, no one who works with children will think any differently between those who buy an expensive hamper, and those who just give a handmade card.

Sirzy · 17/07/2019 06:39

Some people use it as a chance to show off.

What you gave was just fine.

BananaSpanner · 17/07/2019 06:40

Tin of biscuits is absolutely fine. Hampers are extravagant from one individual parent but could have been part of group collection maybe.
It is is common place at our school for a class collection with every parent donating £10 which covers presents for teacher and one or two assistants, total split equally. Not everybody gives to collection, some do their own thing and that is fine too.

MyOpinionIsValid · 17/07/2019 06:42

I only once gave a personal gift. But I always took in trays of cake/donuts/biscuits for the staff room. Every member of the school creates the learning environment for my child, from the school sec, the cleaner, the dinner ladies etc and they should also be recognised.

TBH, by the time I left education, the days of copious bottles of wine were long gone, but that's 'austerity' for you

Yeahnahmum · 17/07/2019 06:43

Why is there a thread on this every. Single. Week. ..Confused

BeanBag7 · 17/07/2019 06:47

Hamper is way over the top and showing off. Card is fine. Box of biscuits or chocolates or something is fine.

I would rather send a box of biscuits to share rather than just to the key worker though. There are people who work in the nursery who aren't anyone's specific care worker but still help look after the kids and I think they should be recognised too.

RightMover · 17/07/2019 06:50

I work in a nursery and can tell you that we appreciate absolutely everything we are given as a token of thanks, whether it's a tin of biscuits to share or something individual. We understand that people have different budgets and as a previous poster said a handmade card is always lovely.

Original poster
Cantaffordthetherapy · 17/07/2019 07:00

Thanks - feel reassured (though apparently not for posting something that apparently is a regular theme! Thanks for the ticking off).
I usually get something that can be shared as well with others like a box of chocs or biscuits but didn't have time this year as nursery term finishes stupidly early so just got keyworker something. At my child's nursery all staff are a keyworker for someone as it's a v small one so everyone should get something from somebody at least theoretically!

OP posts:
Anotherusefulname · 17/07/2019 07:04

I've said this before and always get slated for it but I am a TA, and I honestly prefer an email copying in the head if you want to say Thank You. A card if you must. I don't want presents, you know how you don't want people to buy your kids plastic tat that you can't get rid of. It's like that, I appreciate the thought but honestly most of it goes straight in the bin if it's not edible or regiftable.
As a parent I send treats for the staff room with a long date because that first week back in September is a killer.

gingerbiscuits · 17/07/2019 08:40

I'm a Teacher & the best gifts I've ever had are personal, home-made or handwritten little cards/notes. You DEFINITELY do not need to splash out on something to 'keep up' - it's not expected & can even be quite awkward. So far this year, my favourite thing has been a handwritten note from a child telling me how grateful she is for my help/support & how much she'll miss me - absolutely precious!!

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 17/07/2019 12:24

I'm dreading this when my DD is ready to go to school. I cringe at the facebook tat that's currently for sale and wonder how many tacky personalised keychains and mugs a teacher really needs. Do they get sick of all the shite given to them year after year? Surely the parents could club together and get something between them instead of 12 key chains, 8 mugs, 4 wine glasses, 3 shopping bags and 2 bunches of flowers?

I think personalised cards are lovely, don't cost anything and can be stored easily for years.

thecatsthecats · 17/07/2019 12:29

I think personalised cards are lovely, don't cost anything and can be stored easily for years.

Then do that. Do you honestly give a stuff about the competitive gift giving when you hear time and time again that the cards and notes are the important thing?

Who do you want to benefit by your actions - the teacher, right?

So do what teachers advise, and stick to your instinct. Competitive gift giving only serves the 'winner' (and disrespects the teacher), and Card Factory.

livingthegoodlife · 17/07/2019 12:40

Just homemade cards here. It's all that's needed.

A bunch of flowers for her ballet teacher - she works hard with all my children and has so much patience.

TheSandgroper · 17/07/2019 12:56

Home made cake or biscuits has always gone well. Or, because we are Catholic at a Catholic school and summer holidays = Christmas here, we have picked from here occasionally www.magellantraders.com/Nativities-Sets_c_8.html
although, looking at it, you might need to get organised before now. We have never paid much and the teachers have been delighted.

Jurassicmuma · 17/07/2019 13:07

We make a card and bake something, this year rocky road. I was emailed by one mum though wanting to buy a voucher for them all and asked to contribute £30, hell no! I wouldn't even care if they thought me stingy, my dd loved baking and the shes not in the school for long

Butterymuffin · 17/07/2019 13:12

Edible things only from us. Then they can be used up and don't add to the tat mountain, and if the recipients don't want to eat them they can be passed on to others or a local food bank. We also include the office and other 'back room' staff. And do cards from the DC.

whothedaddy · 17/07/2019 13:15

we only ever do a hand made card. I'm not interested in the smug mummy Olympics.

M3lon · 17/07/2019 13:39

DD made her violin teacher a bracelet, a card and forced me to make him a certificate for extraordinary accompaniment skills. I have just about (2 weeks later) stopped feeling embarrassed about all this.

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 17/07/2019 14:09

Then do that. Do you honestly give a stuff about the competitive gift giving when you hear time and time again that the cards and notes are the important thing?

Nope, I really don't give a stuff! I just don't get it. It wasn't done when I was in primary (left in 94) bit it seems to have come from the US, grown legs and become a competitive thing much like the ridiculous proms we have for everything between leaving nursery and secondary school! I saw someone talking about a limo for a primary school leavers the other day. It's ridiculous

Why1990 · 17/07/2019 14:25

The hampers could have been from a group of children, or for a group of teachers.
I spend a bit extra (on gift vouchers) because I have a sen child in mainstream who requires more time and attention than other children and am grateful for the progress he has made thanks to his teachers.

00Sassy · 17/07/2019 14:35

I overheard a colleague 1 telling colleague 2 that she and 8 other mums had clubbed together and bought a voucher for afternoon tea with Prosecco for all 8 staff at their child’s nursery which they just need to arrange a time when they’re all free to get together, as long as it’s used in August.

Colleague 2 commented that it was a lovely idea but sounded a bit expensive for her own child’s nursery parents and colleague 1 replied that that was nonsense and it’s only cost them just over a fiver each! Hmm, perhaps there’s a special offer on or something.

I personally would worry that the teachers might not appreciate having to organise a time during the holidays when they’re all free to attend the venue, so hopefully she’s run it by them all first to check.

In my experience teachers seem to like homemade cards or small token gifts anyway so I’d say that option is fine.

EffYouSeeKaye · 17/07/2019 14:43

A handwritten card is always really lovely and helps you know the hard work and ‘extra miles’ are noticed and appreciated.

Edible gifts, candles and bottles of wine / fizz are perfect as can be used or regifted easily. Gift vouchers also very useful, particularly for department stores. Mugs etc are nice but quickly mount up and become clutter.

It’s a kind way to acknowledge and reciprocate, particularly when so many teachers will buy gifts for their students and no doubt reinvest a portion of their salaries on classroom resources.

LJdorothy · 17/07/2019 14:48

Card with a handwritten message is perfect. No need for a gift. If you feel you really want to get one though, this year I got a £5 Costa voucher which I thought was a great idea and someone gave me a lovely cupcake. But I always feel for the children who haven't brought anything and think really it would be better if schools told parents to stop the gift giving and to limit it to a thank you card (optional, obviously!!)

Erismorn · 17/07/2019 14:50

DD is in class R - we have done a collection (voluntary) of £9 per child, which gets split between the teacher and TAs and used to buy vouchers. Each child was given a set of cards (one for each staff member) on which they could draw a pic or write something or both. These are being made into a little bound book to give with the vouchers to each staff member.

No idea what parents who choose to do their own thing give - I join in with the collection as it is super easy!

Kanin · 17/07/2019 14:52

at the end of the school year the school send out a reminder not to go overboard on presents - the cost is capped at 10GBP. Previously some classes clubbed together for gifts and tried to set a minimum contribution that was too much for some parents.
We give cards (with a hand written message from DD) and a gift voucher. Not very exciting but hopefully useful.

Your gift to the teacher sounds lovely!

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