Can someone please articulate what is up with the PSA or PTA

[Positively]

Just finishing a year of being a class rep at my son's primary school.

Am IABU but I find the PSA just overbearing and full of parents trying to show how amazing they are , not sure if it's my own prejudices of competitive parents etc. On a one to one level they seem perfectly nice and polite but always out to prove something. I guess this feeling extends wider than the PSA to other parents in the school

If it's of any relevance I live south east of London in an affluent commuter town. So my AIBU is it me being ultra sensitive and misreading situations or can the school gates be a toxic mess of ultra competitiveness?

I can’t speak for your school, but this hasn’t been my experience of the PTA or school gates, no. I’m also south east, although I’m not sure why that’s relevant.

I think it varies massively from school to school. I had a few years of being very involved in the PTA (I was a bored SAHM) and I loved it - made some really good friends, had a laugh, enjoyed feeling that I was doing something that helped all the pupils - we raised funds for football strips, library books, new playground equipment etc. And no, we weren't a happy little clique - in fact we were constantly desperate for more support and bent over backwards to get more parents involved.

I'm not saying the horror toxic nightmare of a PTA doesn't exist (I've read about it on Mumsnet so it must be true) - but I really don't think it's standard.

You're at a different school to me. Ours are blooming marvellous, giving up hours of their free time for the benefit of all.
Tbh, even if they weren't lovely, and their motive was showing off, I'd still think they were marvellous for doing it.

Arethereany that's a good attitude to have. I think we may just have a lot of delegaters in ours !

It's not my experience either. PTA members, as well as the wider school community, at both schools we've been involved with have been unfailingly friendly, kind and supportive. We're also in an affluent commuter town.

I'm not on my PTA but help at school events when I can and have friends who run the PTA. They give up their free time organising events and raise thousands of pounds to get equipment and enrichment stuff for the kids that are outwith the school budget. At my school they pay for all the infant book bags and subsidise trips to make sure no kid can't go. I don't understand how people can get snippy about it. Yes, they might have more free time (aka not have to work) to be able to do it, but they don't have to.

Not my experience of any PTAs I've helped out at - they are generally a tiny band of parents working hard to raise funds to help all the children, who would welcome support from a few more folk.