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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Parental alienation father's rights types - to think you can spot them a mile away...

9 replies

RIzzosHairspray · 16/07/2019 21:09

Obviously I'm not saying that it doesn't happen and that fathers are at times unfairly excluded from their children's lives

But AIBU to think there's a definite "type?"

Usually very vocal on social media. Multiple daily rantings regarding the evil courts/ex wives. Constantly sharing overly sentimental and cheesy memes about fighting for justice. No actual mention of the children except for generic and stomach churning like-and-share "daddy will fight for his princess" type shit, complete with sad looking little girl wearing fairy wings. Anti family court rantings are occasionally interrupted by long rants about other subjects such as Brexit and local councils. Any pictures of these men generally have them staring stone faced into the camera, with the lens pointed somewhere around their chin. Not a lot of self awareness.

I've noticed it before and often thought that the social media presence of these men did not scream "I am a decent and reliable member of society", but sure enough I've just been added on fb by a relative I don't see or speak to except at family gatherings, and a quick look at his profile ticks all the above boxes. Except I know that the reason he isn't seeing his kids is because he can't stay off the drink long enough to care for them properly, and he thought it was OK to hit their mother in front of them, amongst other things.

I also feel that if "parental alienation" was the huge ongoing injustice that these men claim it is, something would have been done about it by now, but I think they probably want to kick off on FB and stand about waving placards more than they want to provide a stable and secure home for their children.

OP posts:
Mumminmum · 16/07/2019 21:38

YANBU. That type of men is far too common. I think it must be a touch of Dunning-Kruger syndrome. They are too stupid to realize how stupid ( and unreluable) they are.

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 16/07/2019 21:41

Yep, and usually there is a significant back story that has been mysteriously kept quiet.

Don't get me wrong, there are some father's that are treat abysmally and alienated etc but the majority there is far more to the story.

HelpMeNotRespond · 16/07/2019 21:45

Yes. Blamers. Martyrs.

Just reading about DAVRO
Deny,
ACCUSE
REVERSE-VICTIM-OFFENSIVE

This is my x. An abuser, doesnt pay maintenance, never sees kids, writes crappy letters to highlight how he is the victim.

I have never stopped him from visiting. I wanted more freedom than I ever had. I give up. He is nuts.

RIzzosHairspray · 16/07/2019 22:32

They really do seem to fit into a very specific mould of unhinged. Lots of long, ranting paragraphs with no punctuation, inappropriate use of capital letters, constant referral to their ex as "the bitch" and suchlike

I've also noticed that fathers of daughters are over represented... Lots and lots of daddy's princess stuff. I'm going to hazard a guess that they tend to put their young daughters on a pedestal because they give them the unquestioning devotion that adult women won't.

Lots of "can't afford to go to court" too

OP posts:
lickencivers · 16/07/2019 22:46

Ah you must have met my ex husband.

His new girl friend hilariously keeps posting memes about how unjust the family legal system is. I just hope he doesn't assault her like he did me or control and manipulate every aspect of her life. Maybe when he gets her pregnant she will too understand why I left one day while he was at work. Taking the kids and never going back. 50k later in legal bills. Thank fuck.

Thistly · 16/07/2019 22:53

Perhaps social media brings this kind of behaviour into view a bit more. I don’t know anyone like this, but I’m not on social media. I do know a number of dads whose ex has moved a long way away thus preventing ongoing contact, or who won’t allow overnight visits for example. Some of them have marginally more justification given the back story than others, but I still think that moving away can be a very wrong reaction to a difficult situation.

Likeazombi · 16/07/2019 23:01

Yep, there are definitely very many more men that are useless martyr losers than there are women stopping contact for nefarious reasons.
I know if one woman who stopped her dd seeing the dad for no reason, he paid thousand in the end to get 50 50.
I know lots of women handing thier kids over to sub par fathers every weekend.
I know a couple of blokes travelling many miles every weekend to see their kids when mum has moved away.
I've met lots men who will go to court with bitch ex's that's are stopping them seeing their kids, when all the mothers really want is for him to turn up on time once a week not high on drink or drugs. Inevitably they never to go court as they like their do nothing victim status.

positivepixie · 16/07/2019 23:03

YANBU. I know one just like this. If you put as much effort into actually sparing your kids the absolutely fuck up you made of your marriage and subsequent public break up and screaming matches they had to witness every day, your kids would be much better off. I think in lots of cases, there is a controlling man who suddenly doesnt have any control anymore so kicks straight into the victim mentality.

Soopermum1 · 16/07/2019 23:12

Spot on, positive pixie.

Ex described exactly. Still waiting on this supposed court summons that's supposed to be coming my way.

I have always wanted him to see them, hell , I could do with the break, but I won't hand my child over to an angry man with mental health issues who chose not to see her for over a year (and counting)

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