Manners from a 12 year old

[mummy1970abc]

A friend’s 12 yo daughter has terrible manners. She grunts most of the time, never smiles, constantly complains if things are not how she wants them, etc. I have never heard her say “please” or “thank you” or any other comment of gratitude or appreciation.
She has been to my house a few times (I’ve invited her to “play”), I’ve fed her, let her swim in our pool etc. Offered her things to eat and drink.. she’s asked for stuff and I have cooked it for her and then rejects it because “she’s not hungry” and tbh I feel like I’m a bit fed up with it now. Clearly if she carries on like this (she seems to do it with other people as well) she’s never going to get on in life.. I do appreciate that she’s approaching teenage, hormonal, life.. but I’ve got quite a few of my own kids through that and although they have struggled to behave nicely with us, they would always behave impeccably around others.
So, what would you do? Would you say something to her? Would you talk to the parent? Would you just stay out of it and not invite her back? Would you do something completely different?

but I’m a bit rubbish about that sort of confrontation.

It doesn't need to be a confrontation.
You don't need to make an announcement of intent/intervention!
Just gently correct while asking for engagement - e.g. "I'd rather hear you say please nicely, & I'm sure dad does too", or "I didn't hear you say thank you, let;s hear it now!" in dad's earshot.

If one of them then either starts discussing manners, or if the daughter kicks off about it, that's your chance to kindly state that all kids need to learn this stuff in order to progress hrough life, & you are only asking for the same level of behaviour that you expect from your own kids.

Buckeejit - I don’t actually know. I’ve only met her a ten times or so - probably not even that.

I will ask my daughter if she thinks there may be something troubling this girl.
Her home life is a bit weird. Mum and dad split up 7 years ago but still live in the same house. Works for them I guess.. neither parent have had a partner since.

Beyond that I think I agree with the majority - I’ll not invite her over anymore. If he asks - I will say something..

I’d be screwing if my kids behaved like this. Thanks all for your thoughts and replies

Mussolini9 - thanks - I’m sure she will end up coming here if he swings by with work stuff. So I will do what you suggest. I remind my kids on a daily basis.. although, to be fair, if they don’t say thank you - I take it away and bring it back when they remember.. 😂

Don’t ask your child if this child is troubled in any way.
Either don’t have her round or refuse to accept rudeness to you.