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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

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13 replies

Thisimmortalcurl · 16/07/2019 19:45

I’m really unsure if I’m being an idiot or if other people would be feeling as upset as I am.

Husband started new job about 3/4 months ago. Team I would say off around 15..he’s not the boss or anything .
Yesterday I noticed ..add as friend , one mutual coming up and then see it’s women in her early 20’s he works with.
I was perhaps out of order annoyed?

He works very long shifts, I work full time long days and on two off my days working he is off.
Since he started this new job we really only see each other for a couple of hours when I arrive home from my long day twice a week .He works , chills out for a bit , goes to bed then gets up an hour or so before he has to leave. He gets in really late so I’m usually in bed.
Anyway when I looked further he has added I think around 6 girls on to his account all early 20’s . He is mid 40’s.
He said he was drunk the other night which he was an added various people from his work and that I should not have any issue with it.
I changed who could see my friends list a month or so ago to try and make my profile as secure as possible, this was nothing to do with him and for a reason that still stands .
Anyway half an hour ago he has just done the same so I can’t see who he is friends with .. apparently so I don’t get upset !
This is the first week we have had off together for a long time , he is currently having a nap , if I had the energy I would get out the house but I don’t .
Am I right to be upset ?

OP posts:

NoBaggyPants · 16/07/2019 19:54

You're upset that he has added work colleagues on Facebook.

Now think about how ridiculous that sounds.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 16/07/2019 19:58

He's added work colleagues on Facebook. Most people do this. You are over reacting.

Polly7805 · 16/07/2019 19:59

I might be petty but this would bloody annoy me!

MissRabbitNeedsAHoliday · 16/07/2019 20:00

Honestly unless there's a massive back story of him cheating or something then yes i think yabu.
I have friends on Facebook I work with, so does DP. I couldnt even tell you who he was friends with on Facebook, not because I cant see it (which i find a bit strange op of I'm honest that you can't see who each other are friends with) but that I dont even feel the need to look. Do you feel generally anxious about other things in your relationship? Or do you think its the change in shifts and lack of quality time together now that is maybe clouding your judgement a bit?

BananaSpanner · 16/07/2019 20:03

I am FB friends with quite a few of my work colleagues, male and female. Unless there is more to it (eg loads of private messaging or history of online affairs) then YABU and insecure.

jelly79 · 16/07/2019 20:04

He has befriended work colleagues and you are cross. He has his set to private as do you and you are cross. He is napping and you are cross.

Is there a backstory??

Original poster

Thisimmortalcurl · 16/07/2019 20:07

Thanks for the replies, I do feel upset about it . He has and I have had and do have work colleagues from various jobs in Facebook.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’m kept very separate from this job .. ie I haven’t really met anyone due to circumstances rather than anything else or because they are all young pretty things done in bikinis and it’s made me jealous.
The change in shifts are not doing us any good at all.
There is no big back story.
I just think it’s weird.
Our Facebook have previously been pretty open to each other , he knows why I made mine secure and understood.
Him , well he just changed his which has made it worse .

OP posts:

jelly79 · 16/07/2019 20:10

Just explain this to him? That you miss him and felt a bit insecure but it sounds like he hasn't given you any real reason to doubt him. Don't let it fester and become an issue just talk to him about how you are feeling (and get a date night planned!)

Jurassicmuma · 16/07/2019 20:11

Yabu big time. It's really none of your business who he's friends with on Facebook, they're his work colleagues. It's not his fault they're so young

thedevilcamefromthehimber · 16/07/2019 20:14

When I was in my 20s older work colleagues added me on social media and vice versa even now I'm 34 and people at work in their 50s add me on fb. Doesn't mean there's anything in it but work friends. Are you normally a jealous person?

SparklesandFlowers · 16/07/2019 20:16

Unless there's a big backstory, they are just colleagues. He's pissed off that you're being so controlling about this, as I would be. I'm friends with younger men, DH is friends with younger women. We trust each other, therefore there's no issue.

Are you thinking he'll start fancying them?

Original poster

Thisimmortalcurl · 16/07/2019 20:22

Yeah I think I am a pretty jealous person and I go through periods of being insecure. He has though since we have been together worked in promotion/ hospitality and always done the late closings when affairs etc are everywhere . Or they seem that way.
I don’t think he is currently having an affair . I think I’m perhaps letting my mind run away with itself.
Thanks again for the replies , it’s helped.

OP posts:

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 16/07/2019 20:23

I don't think I could get worked up over this, they work together. Fairly normal to have work colleagues on Facebook.

I have no idea who dh is friends with on fb, we aren't even friends on there. Wouldn't occur to me to be concerned unless I suspected he was cheating and there were other signs.

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