About son and clothes

[SkaTastic]

My 13 year old has always been super quirky and ridiculously intelligent. He's always had his own style which I think is fab and he doesn't really give a shit what other people think. He also has some sensory stuff thrown in.

We are currently.... not arguing but disagreeing on his clothing choices. He likes his school trousers vvvvvvv tight and short, like above his sock line short. He also likes his sister's jeans much more than his as again, he likes them skin tight. This is fine by me other than the arguments it causes with his sister when she wants to wear her own clothes. And my worries he is squishing his internal organs!

However at times he also wants to wear other things like her shoes (sort of loafer style things?) And has come down just now in a pair of her cullotte type shorts - paired with a bright yellow t-shirt and aviator sunglasses - and said he wants to walk into town. I told him no, the shorts are too big and I was concerned the big groups of lads that roam about our town might bully him.

AIBU? He looked a bit.... silly. But it's obviously his choice what he wears.

Well it's probably not the mumsnet thing to say but no he should not go out in his sister's clothes he will get teased mercilessly lets be honest

I would probably let him wear them. If he gets teased a few times and decides it’s easier to conform, then you no longer have to worry. If he really doesn’t give a shit about what others think and enjoys his clothes, more power to him.

You’ll probably find that this way of dressing is not unique to him and has been inspired by someone he knows or some sort of public figure/social media personality. In which case, it could be more acceptable than you think and just another sign of how out of touch we are!

He can wear whatever he likes if it belongs to him. Taking other people's clothes is not on.

Give him a monthly clothing allowance if you can afford it. He can then pick and choose his own wardrobe.

What does his sister think? Is he asking her before he takes her clothes?

You daughter should be allowed to decide which (if any) clothes she wants to share.

For school/ formal explain he needs to wear what is prescribed, but for leisure let him choose what he wants, skinny jeans are popular on young men, let him choose his own - perhaps a charity shop trip so he can explore his own style. But his sister should not have him rifling through her clothes, he needs his own.

Why are you letting him help himself to his sister's clothes?

Tabu
Some people just have a more adventurous/creative sense of style than others. If he gets a slagging, it might put him off. Or he'll not care.
Super short trousers are v. in with the youths round here.

Leave him to it! Although doesn't sound like school trousers like that would be allowed at school.

SO he looks silly, but you don’t say the same about his sister? !

THats evidence that you are ( like everyone to greater or lessser extent) sterotyping , awhat you feel is acceptable is dependent on his sex,

The more you allow yourself to construct sterotypes boxes around them the harder it will be for your children , especially if they are very none conformant

Although I do agree that bullying could be a big problem

I think he should be able to wear what he likes, talk to him about the fact he might get things said to him at school and if he still wants to go ahead then that’s fine. He should definitely not be just helping himself to his sisters clothes, he needs to respect her belongings. Allow him to buy men’s tight jeans which should have room so his genital don’t lose circulation. Try ASOS for some cheaper, quirky clothes

I dont think you should stop him wearing whatever style her wants but I do think you should stop him wearing his sisters clothes. If he wants them then he should have his own. It's not fair on her. Why not take him shopping to pick some things out. School etc he should wear the correct uniform.

Please OP, don't quash his creativity! Let him do it, at 13 he's old enough to know if he'll be bullied. Give him the confidence to be himself and not give a shit what others think.

This is fine by me other than the arguments it causes with his sister when she wants to wear her own clothes.

Really? You got bigger problems than his style love. Teach him to have some fucking respect for his sister.

I think I've badly worded the arguments with his sister- it has on maybe 2 occasions caused shouty arguments but overall his sister is pretty chill with him borrowing stuff.

Everything is complicated by the fact that he is the touchiest child who has ever lived!! Anything we say which could be interpreted as criticism is taking extremely badly. So until the cullottes I have been really relaxed with it and told him he can wear whatever he fancies.

I don't see the problem, unless he wants to wander into town in nothing but chaps and nipple tassels.

Teens wear all kinds of mad shite these days, I doubt he'd even stand out much. Boys jeans look painted on around here.

@MIdgebabe ahhh but she doesn't wear her brothers clothes so I haven't needed to have that conversation with her.

I work with kids with really complex mental health issues so I am pretty sensitive.

You've allowed him to wear what he likes so far so you're bound to get some backlash trying to rein it in. I'm trying to imagine that combo but struggling to think what it would look like?

I think I would let him wear whatever he likes. As long as a) what he wears to school conforms with uniform rules and b) he doesn't borrow any of his sister's clothes without her express consent every single time.

He sounds pretty cool and if i were a kid - id want to hang round with him to be completely honest

Firstly he shouldn’t take his sisters things without asking
Secondly I would love to say let him express himself, anyone who picks on him is an arsehole etc etc BUT It sounds like he might not be very socially aware and as if I was his mum I would be trying to protect him from people who don’t appreciate his quirky ness
It’s sad but I would get him to tone it down a bit

To be honest what you're describing him wearing - the culottes, the bright tshirt, aviators were all the rage amongst teenage boys when I was on holiday in the Netherlands, Spain last year. I know in my kids secondary school before the summer break the boys were wearing tight short trousers - it's a very 80s throwback to me.

I'd tell him to to buy his own from Primark rather than be at his sisters clothes but that's their battle to fight.

Let him wear it and learn the hard way if he does get teased or just gain more resilience, sounds like he doesn’t really care what others think anyway.

I dyed my hair every colour of the rainbow in my teens, had a skinhead at one point, wore some very questionable outfits, had lots of facial piercings. My parents just went with the flow, in fact they were quite proud of my individuality and the fact I didn’t give a toss.

Umm that is what's in fashion right now lol. Bizarre as it sounds.
I don't get it either

Sounds just like my autistic son!

He has boys culotteesque type shorts from a sports shop, JD sports had a few pairs in a couple of weeks ago.