Sorry if this is in the wrong place. My mum rang me this morning to tell me my dad had lung cancer and is going to be starting Chemo. I've only seen him twice in six years. The background is that we had a very difficult childhood with him, he was very verbally and mentally abusing, alcoholic, he used to take my mums benefit money and we'd have no food sometimes, sometimes physically abusive to my mum and us kids. He was particularly horrible to my brother. But as can be the way, he wasn't always like this and could be nice if he was in the mood. As a child living in that kind of environment you are always grateful for the good days and seek the abusive parents approval. Anyway, six years ago one of my younger brothers was having a very hard time and I was talking to my dad on the phone and asked him not to call my sibling straight away, but to give him a few days and then maybe talk to him then. My dad took this as me telling him to butt out and basically cut me and my kids and my siblings and their kids out of his life. We weren't seeing much of him anyway but he just shut us all out. I saw him twice in the six years, once when my mum had an operation in hospital, once when he was in hospital. My siblings have no time for him and don't want to know. On the two occasions that I did see him, we just made small talk. I think that if I brought up what happened before he would get angry and I can't face that. Now he's ill, I don't know what to do. I feel like I should support my mum and I of course feel bad for him but I just don't know if I can make a relationship with him, which I feel a bit obliged to do now. I think if I did all the running he would be happy to have me visit him etc but it feels fake and makes me feel vulnerable as I've had to put up mental barriers to protect myself from the fact that he was never the dad we needed him to be and then he rejected us all over again as adults. He doesn't really have any friends, just my mum who doesn't even live with him but will end up running around after him. I'm so confused as to how I feel and what the right thing to do is. Any insight would be gratefully received. Sorry for the long post.