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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family driving me crazy.......want to run away

3 replies

shinnnypin44 · 16/07/2019 12:54

I am a full time working mum of 3 boys aged 18, 16 and 8. My husband also works full time however I am the main breadwinner and he finishes work a lot earlier than I do, I am always the last one home. My husband and my 16 year old are literally sucking the life out of me. My husband moans and complains all the bloody time, everything is shit; work, boys, life. He sulks all the time as well and his brooding makes the house unbearable. He only talks about how shit things are or politics. My 16 year old hasn't been out of the house since he finished his GCSEs 5 weeks ago, he goes to bed really late and gets up about 3 in the afternoon. He is snappy, angry and bad tempered which annoys my husband who in turn has a go at me. My son has accessed CAMHS over the years for anxiety however now he says he is fine, he just doesn't want to do anything. The 18year old is also off having just finished his a levels and wanted to go out and do stuff with his brother, however I got a message today from him saying he is giving up trying and washes his hands of him. He has tried so hard and gets knocked back everytime. He has also tried to have a more positive relationship with his dad but he knocks him back as well. He now can't wait to leave home to go to Uni. I dread going home every night as I know my husband will have had an argument with one of the older boys and that there will be a horrible atmosphere in the house. My husband really blatantly favours our youngest who is 8 because he is less challenging I think but I have noticed that his behaviour has started to deteriorate as he can get away with so much.
We have been through so much, mainly with his family (a whole other thread there!) and I feel that the older boys have suffered as a result. I just want a calm house where people get on rather than the constant air of conflict we currently have. I am really resentful of my husband and his behaviour.

Apologies for the long incoherent rant........

OP posts:
user87382294757 · 16/07/2019 14:07

Yes I think the DH favouring one child and being negative with the others is probably at the heart of things. That dynamic is not good. Out of interest what is his family of origin like, any strange dynamics there, as can sometimes be coming from how he was brought up.

shinnnypin44 · 16/07/2019 16:09

HI yes, funny you should ask that. He is mixed race, brought up in the sixties so mum faced a lot of abuse, there was also domestic violence and a very isolated upbringing. His siblings both had mental health issues. He openly admits that he didn't have a father so struggles with parenting the older boys, however he has had lots of practice now!
I had a very nice, traditional upbringing.....not sure if that is relevant.

OP posts:
user87382294757 · 16/07/2019 16:11

It may be. My DH had an angry father, and he sometimes struggles with anger issues and tried hard to deal with this (we have sons also) If you read Bringing up boys the book, there is a lot about father and son relate ships there.

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