Unexpected emotional results from an xray

[kardashianklone]

May I start this by saying I do not wish this to be triggering for anyone in any way, and I apologise if you find this a stupid or insensitive thing to say.

I have never wanted children, and I am fine with that and have made my peace with that- fully my choice.

I went for an xray the other day, to do with my hips, and afterwards I asked to see the image (because it's interesting and I'd never seen it before). And what I noticed was the great big empty space in my pelvis. I suddenly felt very sad about that empty space, and that there would never be a life in it. Which is ridiculous as I am the one choosing to not have a child. I can't stop thinking about the empty black space where nothing was. My choice suddenly felt very real.

Is this normal? Has anyone else ever felt like this? Do I just need to get over myself?

Just wondering if anyone could help?

Just because you have made a rational choice doesn't mean that all the peer pressure, all the media pressure, all the weight of expectation to do what women have been valued for since the beginning of time, just disappears.

There are parts of your brain that desire acceptance, that desire to be seen as successful by society, and no amount of layered on top rational argument that your value is elsewhere, that you are complete already is ever going to cancel it out.

This is why gender stereotyping and the expectations placed on women are so damaging, whether you give into them willingly or not, or resist them.

Nobody ever escapes.

I experienced the exact same thing; I am not having children either (not entirely by choice, but have made my peace with it).
These things are not black and white. Just because you've made your choice doesn't mean you have given up the right to feel anything. It's OK to feel sad about something that's nevertheless the right decision for you.

Never experienced it, but that space would be empty for most women, the majority of the time, anyway.

But I understand that seeing it, has made quite an emotional impression on you. I wonder if exploring why, with a counsellor would help?

In the meantime, allow yourself to feel those feelings, and grieve, if that's what you're feeling. Don't try to stifle the feeling, accept it, and be extra kind to yourself for now.

💐 I do understand. Not something you could really prepare for either, bit of a bolt from the blue. Most people would expect it seeing a friend or relative with a new baby.
Xrays are a funny thing, literally showing the part of yourself that is normally hidden from view.