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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should he ask for the deposit back off his ex?

36 replies

sarahfairy · 16/07/2019 10:17

My brother has a child with his ex. They rented a property together and he paid all the admin fees and the deposit when they moved in. In less than a year, they split up and he left. Ex remained in the property and has since moved her new partner in.

They are wanting to move in to a bigger property. When they find a suitable property, should my brother ask his ex for the deposit back? He does have a child with her.

He's asked me for advice but I'm torn

OP posts:
stilldontgiveaf · 16/07/2019 10:18

Depends if he was on that tenancy or not.

Pinktinker · 16/07/2019 10:19

He can ask but I would expect a fight to get it back depending on how amicable their split was. Was he on the tenancy?

sarahfairy · 16/07/2019 10:20

@stilldontgiveaf he was on the tenancy but she removed him after he moved out. I think. We know she informed the letting agent he was no longer living there

I'm guessing he won't be able to then, even if he wanted too

OP posts:
sarahfairy · 16/07/2019 10:21

@Pinktinker it's not amicable unfortunately. Which is why deep down, I don't think it's worth him asking for it back

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/07/2019 10:23

He could reasonably ask for it/half of it back. Sounds like she might well refuse.

MyOpinionIsValid · 16/07/2019 10:23

Depends whether he wants his child to have a roof over his/her head I suppose.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/07/2019 10:23

He can mention it and give her the opportunity to repay it, but I'm not sure how he can force it. It's annoying but I think he needs to weigh up the hassle of clawing it back. It is worth it?

If it's not amicable, it's rather unlikely to happen.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 16/07/2019 10:23

I don't think he should.

It's obviously been a while since he left, the time to have sorted it out would have been when he left/got his name removed from the tenancy.

Pinktinker · 16/07/2019 10:25

With his name removed from the tenancy I don’t actually think he has a right to the money. It’s probably not worth the argument anyway by the sounds of it.

stucknoue · 16/07/2019 10:25

Half would be reasonable because at the time the payment would have been calculated as part of shared finances (his then partner will have paid for other things).

maryberryslayers · 16/07/2019 10:26

Yes, why should he pay towards her and her new partners home?

Presumably he pays maintenance and for somewhere for his child to stay when they visit?

sarahfairy · 16/07/2019 10:27

@MyOpinionIsValid knew someone would say this....he wants to use the money towards court fees.

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 16/07/2019 10:28

I wouldnt tbh. Esp if not amicable - not worth the grief.

sarahfairy · 16/07/2019 10:29

@maryberryslayers yes he's always paid maintenance - he's just increased it! Meanwhile the ex has just reduced time because she wants the child to get to know the latest boyfriend. She moved him in after 3 months. Child has an extremely unstable life.

But I don't think it's worth it. It would cause massive arguments. If anything, I'll suggest he asks for half back like others have mentioned

OP posts:
littlepaddypaws · 16/07/2019 10:31

it could be argued that the deposit money will go towards putting a roof over his dc head, it not just a home for his ex and her new bf.

greenwaterbottle · 16/07/2019 10:32

I think he'd end up at the small claims court

ohhelloitsyou · 16/07/2019 10:32

Is the deposit not in a deposit scheme and would likely be under his and her name still?

littlepaddypaws · 16/07/2019 10:33

is he going through cms ? i get the feeling the bf would be long term tbh, as it seems to be moving fast. poor dc Sad

ImABeanBanana · 16/07/2019 10:47

Unless he has signed anything to give up his right to the tenancy and then she has been given a new tenancy, he was not "removed". The agent would be in a lot of trouble for an unlawful eviction! It's effectively taking her word for it to cut him out. If the agent doesn't know that, I'd be surprised as to whether they have actually protected the deposit as required by law. Does he have a copy of the documentation for the deposit? A letter, email telling them their rights for the deposit protection scheme? There are hefty cost implications of not doing both.

Perhaps ask for half at most, it'll look bad on him as it'll no doubt be relayed as he's not contributing to his child enough and ensuring they have a roof over their head.

stilldontgiveaf · 16/07/2019 10:56

If it was a tenancy for a set period and not a "rolling contract" then agents can not remove him from said tenancy. Unless the time has lapsed and a new one has been created.

If it's still the tenancy contract that he signed, he is well within his rights to fight for that deposit.

mussolini9 · 16/07/2019 11:03

If he paid the deposit, & can prove so with landlord paperwork or bank statement, reimbursement of the deposit is nothing to do with the ex, & your brother can apply to the landlord or letting agent to have his own money reimbursed.

The deposit money is not controlled by his ex, & he need not engage with her about it. The deposit will be held in an escrow account by the landlord: your brother can either ask for it to be returned as he has moved out, or ask for it to be returned when his ex terminates the tenancy.

If it is your brother's name & sole bank account behind the deposit money, his ex doesn't get a say in it. He needs to deal direct with the landlord.

mussolini9 · 16/07/2019 11:05

it could be argued that the deposit money will go towards putting a roof over his dc head, it not just a home for his ex and her new bf.

It could also be argued that the OP's brother needs a roof over his head to offer his child when he has access. And that the ex & her hasty replacement are perfectly capable of earning money too.

SummerInTheVillage · 16/07/2019 11:42

I'd say he's entitled to it all back. If she won't pay up then don't pay CM until the debt is paid.

maryberryslayers · 16/07/2019 11:53

Exactly what @mussolini9 said.

It's her responsibility to house DC when they are with her, using her own contribution and maintenance payments.

She can't just keep his money. Yes it would have been the wrong thing to do to ask for it back whilst she was living there but she is now moving in with a new partner. It's laughable that OP's brothers money should be used as a deposit for their new house!

He needs to get the money back via the letting agent from the deposit scheme rather than go through her and then use the money to go to court and set access to give his poor child some stability.

Bonding time with the new bf my arse!

SandyY2K · 16/07/2019 12:12

I think legally it's rightfully his money, but his Ex doesn't sound like she'd agree to pay up.... and I'm wondering if it's worth the hassle.

I do think she should give it back to him. Even if she could do it installments. Does she work? Even though it wasn't an amicable split, is she a reasonable person from your knowledge of her?

I suggest he sorts out custody via the courts to stop her messing him about.

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