Aibu. To think being a teenager today must be awful

[mikkyr]

So I’m 40 and have spent the last week watching crap on Netflix. My husband has been away so I’ve had nobody to filter my choices...

So watched the documentary about the young girl Michelle carter who apparently convinced her bf to kill himself via text message, watched 13 reasons why, you and have just started euphoria.

I really need to stop. But gosh are these series (obviously the documentary is real) what teenagers and young adults lives are about. I’m trying for a baby now but watching these has made me doubt whether this world is somewhere I want to raise a kid in.

Not long ago during dinner I asked my 4 children what it was like to be a kid and they each said it was awful and gave reasons why.

I really feel for the youth of today!

Life is about many things and about different things for different people. It is also possible to have your life touched by tragedy at one point and lead a rich and fulfilling life at another point. So I wouldn't give up hope for your child just yet.

My dd did try to kill herself as a teen but that was part of a MH condition that I now realise (having looked into it more deeply) is hereditary in my family and has afflicted various family members for at least 4 generations. Could have been any of us. The difference was that growing up now and not in the 1900s or 1940s or 1970s her illness was recognised and she was given support that means her chances of making the most of her life and handling her condition without burdening her family are probably far better than those of previous generations.

If you ask her now, her life isn't about her MH condition: it is about her dreams for a career, the training she is doing, her friends. The depression and anxiety in the background are like any other chronic illness (and she has a physical one too)- something that you work around as best you can.

As for my son (currently 19), he too has seen his fair share of tragedy- friends killed in accidents, or taking to drugs, or in various ways struggling with life. He is finding it difficult to know what to with himself at life and hard to find work.

But what generation didn't go through those things? His grandparents were young during the war, his greatgrandparents lived through starvation riots. There may not have been much cocaine around when my grandparents were young, but there was plenty of alcohol instead.

If you have a child, you are basically accepting that they will grow up into real grown-ups with all the suffering and need for courage that that entails. And there is great reassurance in suddenly looking at your adult child and realising that they are brave, strong, loving people. When my son was a little boy of 6, he wanted to jump out of the window because he had just learnt (by accident) that his sports coach whom he had adored had been killed by her boyfriend. Last night he ran out of the house in the middle of the night because he heard the sounds of a woman in distress and thought someone was being attacked (turned out to be a neighbour in labour, so no rescue required). I have raised a good man: I do not regret it.

I'm glad there was no social media when I was at school. Normal bullying was bad enough!

My son (18) and his friends all seem extremely happy, well balanced and enjoying their teenager years. Much more so that I did.

I asked my 4 children what it was like to be a kid and they each said it was awful and gave reasons why.

And I'm sure we would have all said the same when we were teenagers. In my day there was the Cold War, cruise missiles and unemployment figures to worry about, amongst other things.

And what's worse, if you had frizzy hair like me, you were stuck with it (no straightners!).

I think social media makes it more difficult, people are able to project an idealised version of their lives, a life 2.0, and this makes it hars for teens cause all they see are other people having a nicer, better time than they are.

Of course its not real, but that's hard for them to understand

On the upside if they fancy someone they can just send them a message on social media, no running the gauntlet of phoning a house landline and asking to speak to the object of their affections.

I remember the 'oh it's so tough for teenagers today' thing when I was a teen in the 90s.

And I'm sure we would have all said the same when we were teenagers. In my day there was the Cold War, cruise missiles and unemployment figures to worry about, amongst other things but we didn't worry about those things when we were at school.

Its the pressure that concerns me, from such a young age ...SATS, 11+, progress targets, GCSE expectations, A Level expectations, Uni - its just never ending - to the point that its is of no surprise that so many are having serious MH and anxiety issues, self harming is on the increase.

I don't remember the relentless hammering on about ""5 A*-C or you're a failure"" assemblies; we just turned up, did our 11+ and did our O levels and that was it. You didn't need a BTEC in retails to work in a shop, or a NVQ in banging nails to get a carpentry apprenticeship, they learned on the job. A degree in business admin to push some bits of paper round a desk. I really pity the kids of today starting out.

I remember adults saying similar 45 years ago when I was young. Each generation faces its own challenges and has its own positives.
The reality is most young people have enough to eat, live in a country at peace, have laws to protect people from discrimination, easy access to lots of information, and there is low unemployment. Yes there are real challenges, but there are also positives.

Also beware of TV giving an accurate picture of teenage years. When I was a teenager the documentaries were all about glue sniffing and self harm amongst teenagers. I knew teenagers that did this, but it wasn't my life.

And when I was a teenager most teachers ignored bullying. It had to be pretty extreme before they would get involved. I also remember big scary fights between different secondary schools. DP remembers the school locking them in because the nearest secondary school older kids had come into the school playground armed with knives.

My 3 older DC love hearing about my childhood in the 70s. They consider me a badass!

Everyones experience is different though regardless of era. Some sail through it, some hate it. Although I do agree with ginger1982 about social media.
One thing I will say though. I think people are a lot more accepting of each, now. I sound like I'm a thousand years old when I say this but back in my day. If you weren't a skinny size 8/10 blond you were treated and spoken to like absolute shit. There's no way I'd want to go back to those times.

I’m no prude and I had my fair share of teenage rebellion which I’m glad didn’t leave with any physical or emotional scars to bear. When I watch these programs, things just seem much more depraved (for lack of a better word) than we or at least I had it.

Perhaps morals and what is socially acceptable loosen with each generation but goodness me, I’m not sure I can cope.

And I fully understand that not every teenager experiences it. But I’ve had a brief look at my step daughters Instagram account and she is a normal quite innocently childish for her age but there is some content on there that makes me blush.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

Yes - That is one upside to it. I noted to my husband that other day, that his kids are far more accepting of people being 'different' than we were.

Which is weird because apparently 'bullying' is rife - So what are kids being bullied for if its not because they are different? I can only imagine the sexual pressure on these kids is huge.

I dont think things are 'tough' for teenagers, in a lot of ways with helicopter parenting styles that have become the fashion, nothing is tough. But just what they get involved in according to these series is mind boggling.

I’m still just about a teenager and I wouldn’t say it’s all that bad. Particularly in the context of all human history!

My teens have had a much happier time than I did. I think things are better for them now thn ever.

Remember that teenagers show off. In my school every 16 year old boy said he had had sex. Most were lying.

Have any of you watched 13 reasons why .... Or know the Michelle Carter / Conrad Roy story .... Or watched Euphoria? To know exactly what Im talking about?
Are these things reflective of what happens nowadays?

That’s not a reflection on the lives of 99% of people. That’s why they’re making documentaries about it-it’s an anomaly.

Interesting subject and something I've had many discussions with my DD15.
Pro's and con's really. I'm glad there was no social media when I was a teenager; no pictures on SM of me falling out of nightclubs etc. No posting photo's of me pouting asking for 'opinions '.
My DD actually (secretly) likes me taking her phone on school nights at 9.30pm. She might have a moan 'none of my friends have to' blah blah; I ignore and take phone but I think she likes that the option has been taken away and she can relax and go to sleep without her phone pinging every 10 seconds.
But our children/teenagers don't know any different just like we didn't their age. So when we heard our parents/grandparents telling us as kids that for Christmas they had a satsuma and soap on a rope and to be grateful of course it falls on deaf ears.
My DD saw a photo of me as a kid with a particularly lovely basin haircut and said 'Mum, really?!' But when she's older and got kids herself they'll look back on photos of her in her skinny jeans, mahoosive trainers and dodgy hair style and say 'Mum, really?!'.
Times change and people adapt, it's life. Don't be put off if you want children

Sorry to derail but the Carter documentary isn't on Netflix, at least not in the UK. Are you in US op?

@Elliebellbell

South Africa - But it may have been on one of our on demand services not Netflix.

Sorry meant to say OTHER on demand services.

I think life is miles better for teens now. I must be in a minority.