This is more a wwyd?

[ElleMac44]

Hi first time posting.

My dad has terminal cancer and no funeral cover or savings, my mum died 18 months ago in the same financial position, I am struggling to pay off her funeral, no other family and now faced with the prospect of my df funeral too. Please I know it's not about money, I'm devastated, but can't sleep for worrying about how I'm going to pay for my dad's funeral, i'm having horrific nightmares. Would just like advice please.

So sorry to hear that . I think you can get help with funeral costs if you receive certain benefits or I'm sure there's such thing as a council funeral for people who die with no money. Try asking citizens advice if theres any help you can get.

I'm sorry, it sounds really tough

Not sure if you've seen this? Might help?

www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/organising-funeral/funeral-payments

Could he set up a policy

Sorry I don't know why that posted. Could/would he set up a policy now with a local funeral director? Many have prepayment plans that would at least reduce the financial burden.

The advice about Marie curie is also good, they are wonderful with this type of practical concern.

Firstly, from a practical view has he said if he wants a burial or cremation?

If there is no other family does it need to be a big ‘do’ for the afters or can you host at home for tea and cake?

Does he know you’re still paying for your mum’s funeral?

Ah no.. that's just awful for you.
I know exactly how much these things cost as I ended up with a 5000 pound bill for my Dad's funeral when he died suddenly a couple of months ago. I've been able to pay it off but it has wiped out my own savings completely.
The funeral director told me that there are a lot of people in a position like you where they simply do not have the money to pay for the funeral. You can get a funeral payment from the government but I'm not sure what you have to do to qualify for that.

Does he want a burial or a cremation? In my case the bulk of the cost was having to pay for a grave and having it opened up. I think cremation and then scattering the ashes is much cheaper.
You can cut down the extras as much as possible or look at the co-op's simple funeral (which is still very expensive).

Really feeling for you. It's awful.

I'm so sorry OP. Have a look at direct cremation; I think (only think, mind) that you can pay some by monthly instalments.

Thank you everyone. Dad wants cremated, I don't want to ask, he isn't in the right frame of mind, very poorly and in his 80s. I will look at the websites that have been mentioned thank you. I am a carer for my dh after him having an accident, and we have 2dc, life has changed dramatically from 2 working ft wage earners to now, but that's life! Just the added financial worry at such a time when I want to spend the precious time with dad and not be worried like this.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. You could contact some local independent funeral directors and explain - they might be able to give you a better rate than some of the chains. A couple of years ago we lost two family members a short time apart and the Co-op charged my aunt a ridiculous amount for a direct cremation with nothing other than taking the deceased to the crematorium, whereas a local independent had been really reasonable and charged little more for a proper service with cars for the other funeral. My aunt wrongly assumed a chain would be cheaper, but didn't check and paid nearly £2k more than necessary.

Try to put it to the back of your mind until it actually happens. Spend the time with your Dad without thinking about it at all. Deal with it when it happens.
A direct cremation is the cheapest way to do it if you can't afford anything else.
Do you think your Dad would want some kind of religious service as well or is he non-religious? I really don't see why you can't have a direct cremation, collect the ashes and then at a later point arrange a separate service with a religious minister if that is what you wish.
And if you're both non-religious, you can choose whatever sort of send-off for him that you would like.

So sorry for your loss of your mum and also facing this with your dad.

I will be facing this problem also as my mum is very poor and poorly and neither she or I can afford to put money aside for a plan.
I know this is going to sound massively insensitive but I think when a person is not in a position to pay for their own funeral, then the cheepest option is the only way regardless of what their religious beliefs or whether they want to be buried or cremated. My mum knows this.

Thanks everyone x

I have nothing helpful to add, but if I was the one in the position of your father I wouldn't want you to worry about the cost and would be happy for you to bury me in the most affordable way for you. I wouldn't want the living to suffer after I've gone.

You said you are a career for your DH - are you on carer’s allowance?
If you are please look into the funeral grant you can get, it doesn’t cover everything lavish, but it covers a good bit.

Also as horrid as this sounds please look around at funeral directors. When my friend’s husband died recently she wanted to avoid the funeral director pretty much everyone in our town uses as her old school bulky works there. When she spoke to another one we discovered it would be 3k cheaper for the same thing!