To ask how do you make really big decisions?

[chockermum]

To ask how do you make really big decisions?

Like whether to move house? And where to move to? Whether to home school children?

I'm quite indecisive by nature also quite anxious. Now I am panicky as we only have six months to apply for primary school place for DS (also have a baby). Live in a 'poor' area, schools not great. Defo don't want kids to go to secondary school here (huge social problems, gangs, etc.). We didn't choose house - semi-inherited it. It's too small for us, although has its benefits (know all neighbours, quiet cul-de-sac, garden, will be paid off in a few years, close to both sides of family). Would love a bigger house in a nicer area (I know, wouldn't we all!), with fresher air (we currently live by main roads, and all have asthma/allergies). There are a few areas I would consider all with their own pros and cons I just can't figure out how to decide.
Added to this is big unknown things like Brexit and I'm not sure where I'll be located when I go back to work after mat leave!

We have a small income (both me and DH work part time and share childcare) but will have a significant deposit on a house if we sold up. I don't take for granted that we are fortunate in that respect but I just want to do the right thing for my kids and can't figure what that is.

DH is keen on homeschooling anyway, I'm on the fence (don't think it would be good for my anxiety to have the responsibility of educating the kids too). If we did this for the first year then it would take the pressure off moving this year but then I would worry if we decide to move to a school later (or even if he starts school in one area and then moves) he wouldn't get into a 'good' school as they are all oversubscribed with waiting lists. I think we may have left it too late to sell up and move before school applications close.

I am just overwhelmed with such big decisions to make, any advice appreciated.

Sorry for long post, didn't want to drip feed.

If husband is keen on homeschooling and only works part time then surely the obvious answer is for him to do it?

Thanks for your reply! It's not that straightforward though. We co-parent so we would both need to take responsibility for it. I might be a bit of a control freak but I couldn't not be involved if we decided to home school

I haven’t Homeschooled and I’m not against it but what is the age different between the kids. If one is going to primary and the other is a baby how can you manage?

I plan long term, gather as much info as possible and weigh up short and long term pros and cons considering which factors hold most weight for us.

It's s bit short notice for that in your situation, but could you at least pick an area and school and rent there if your house doesn't sell in time?

I would also be reluctant to homeschool with anxiety, it can be a lot to organise, decisions to make and is a lot of responsibility

Big decisions. Write down what you want. Look at all available options.
Pick option that most closely matches.
Rarely will you tick all the boxes but closest match wins
Homeschooling. Dont do it UNLESS it is the best or only option for your child. So, not because you fancy it, because you didn't like school or you dont want to let them go. But yes I there are specific needs that arent being met
You usually have to give It a try first though to find that out

Homeschooling is probably not a good plan
Put your house on the market if you haven't already

You don't have to be the sole educator OP. That is a huge myth about home ed. You're facilitating the learning, you don't have to be the teacher. You can use home ed groups, study groups, tutors etc

Henrysmycat DD is 8 months, DS is 3.5 yes I was concerned with that too like how would we be doing enough to keep both of them busy and stimulated. DH seems to think it will be good for DD to go along to all the activities, museum trips, etc. But both will need age appropriate stuff won't they!

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan

Yes definitely an option to rent short term I suppose, (if we can decide on a bloody area!) thank you

hazell42

Good points thank you

Shoxfordian

Yes DH was keen to get the house in better shape before we sold it but the weeks are flying by so we should just get on with it

Tallgreenbottle

Thank you! I have been talking to a few home ed mums and getting a bit more information. I would feel responsible though, even though I wouldn't be his only 'teacher' as it would be my decision and I would want to make sure I'd done everything I could to give him the best chance.

I don't agree with how early kids are formally schooled in this country, all the exams, etc. But I dont know if I could cope with the doubts e.g. if he fell behind with his reading or maths or whatever. I feel like it would be a huge worry for me, whether I was doing the right thing. Also we wouldn't be able to afford to pay for a lot of the sessions that home ed kids go for. Lots to mull over.

How do I make big decisions? With some research and analytical process and a sprinkling of heart and gut feel!

Home ed wouldn't be for me, far too expensive for a start and I trust most teachers to be much better trained to teach my kids than I am on their subjects. It works wonder for others.

How to chose? Well, get an estimate for your current house (meaning 3).
Get a realistic mortgage figure.
Budget the removal, solicitor, and extra fees.

now that you know how much you have to play with, go on rightmove and zoopla and see what you can realistically afford , near enough from work, near schools and check the schools. Ofsted reports being a small part but it gives you an idea.

OP, you sound a bit like me from a few years back.
I HE my kids; we never planned on secondary school being an option (for similar reasons as you mentioned), however they DID attend primary school for a few years until I yanked them out of it.
As for making important decisions; the best advice I can offer is to just start! Be proactive, do something small at first and go from there. Other poster's mentioned calling up estate agents/solicitors etc, would that be a good place to go from?
Personally, I'm a mixed bag when it com es to getting shit done. I go from procrastinator to impulsive within minutes. I follow my gut, and it's never let me down.

We spend weeks arguing/discussing around the situation and eventually arrive at a consensus. We are both opinionated and find it takes time to get to a compromise. In the case of our house move, both of us were thinking we needed to move (getting older, worries about coping with a large garden etc.) then my husband articulated the thought, and I admitted how worried I had been about the situation too. Talked it through, phoned an agent, house on market, sold, more suitable house found in a more accessible place for public transport, moving in two weeks! Job done. Talking through options and open discussion definitely the way forward.

Also in terms of you stressing over your kiddo falling behind: compared to who?! If he's learning, and progressing he's not falling behind.
The HE groups CAN be expensive if you go to them all. I don't bither with any of them. Libraries are amazing places to start - my kids are in coding courses, reading groups, STEM things, chess clubs etc all free. Lot's of stuff for youngers ' too.
You'd also be able to take advantage of the IntoFilm Festival (free movies, I know right?!), Heritage days, museums etc... HE is expensive if you have to give up work, otherwise you can do it VERY cheap.

We tend to just DO things, house buying, babies etc have been very much following our instincts and going with our feelings.

I feel like the only big decision we’ve had to make so far has been whether to have a 3rd kid, which were kind of 80% decided on not doing. Really having to weigh up the pros and cons, lots of lists and ‘what if’ing. I don’t like it! I just want a decision made so we can get on with things - if we go for a 3rd we’ll need to move house sooner, baby number 3 seems to open a gateway onto lots of subsequent decisions!

But the first 2 kids were super easy decisions - not even decisions really, we just went for it on a whim (not very responsible I suppose!). We’re on our second property now and both of those have been viewings where you walk in, get an amazing vibe, put an offer in. Hadn’t been to either area before the viewings but both turned out really nice.

Thanks so much everyone for your replies. First thing this morning I arranged some valuation visits from estate agents. First step is to get our house on the market. We still need to get a few little jobs done before they come to take pictures but that shouldn't take more than 2 weeks. I'm properly motivated now to get everything sorted asap!
I've done a bit of research about the areas we are considering and the schools. I think we won't be able to actually decide until we start viewing houses. I'm hoping things will fall into place and we'll find a house that just feels right.
Hopefully we will manage to move prior to school allocations so the home school question can wait till another day!

I know probably this was the obvious thing to do all along but I just a bit overwhelmed with the whole thing. I can't tell you how helpful you've all been

Decision-making - I go the Hermione Granger approach and research and analyse. If it comes down to a couple of similarly good or least bad options, I use gut feeling for the final decision.

I would look at pros and cons and write it all down and share with DH

Your jobs and where could work with - other areas? or how tied are you to where you live with work..

Possible areas to move to- where could be cheap and nice? E.g. Scotland would have option of free university in future, less stress of school places and cheaper than 'down south'

Other issues- e.g. family- in case they help with childcare etc.

Education- for and against - impact on your ability to work and earn etc

Then narrow it down to what ticks the most boxes and would be the most realistic and viable. Oh and maybe avoid going for anything too unrealistic - stick to things which would be reasonably done.

You could research as well- maybe even look into work in an area or look at homes in that area to get a feel for it