Sorry this is a long one, I have NC for this. I have a controlling, interfering and manipulative mil. She uses lots of emotional blackmail and guilt trips to try to get what she wants (like it could be your grans last Christmas), even getting others in the family to guilt trip us. Bribary is also common practice. She will use lots of silent treatment if she doesn't get her way as well. She treats dh like a child and has an opinion on everything we do (how and where I give birth, how much to spend on engagement ring or birthday gifts, dh needs to go on a diet, I need to wear makeup, how much to donate at our dc's christening, how I spend my own disposable income). She sent us a pack of thank you cards in the post because we didn't send thank you cards a few days after giving birth. And her opinion is always the right one, she will just wear you down (hard to describe) until you see she is correct. She wants to know about everything we are doing, even my private medical matters, and she will divulge other people's very personal information they would not want others to know. I have become the black sheep of their family, and constantly made to feel like im the unreasonable one, like when I got pregnant their whole family gave me the silent treatment. At a family gathering I felt like I had leprosy. Because mil did not want us to have children telling my husband "I hope your not trying for a baby" (we were in 30s and married with a morgage).
Some examples of her behaviour: She was obsessed with me not breastfeeding. From when I was 10 weeks pregnant she would talk negatively about bf with me. Then after dc was born on her first visit she came into my bedroom while I was trying to establish bf and told me I should just give up. Then she rang every day asking dh if I was still bf. She then told dh she would buy him a perfect prep machine because her friend stopped bf and used the machine and it was alot better for mother and baby.
Another is Mil and step fil wanted to visit one weekend but I had a bad mastitis infection, and we told them to visit another time instead. Mil was screaming at dh on the phone saying I'm only trying to help and want to see my grandchild. She then didn't visit for months and instead gave dh silent treatment mainly communicating with him when she had something to blaim him for or imply I was keeping her from her grandchild.
DH doesn't see a problem with her behaviour so all I could do is go low contact and use grey rock techniques to share as little as possible with her. Getting dh to share less is difficult. I was doing that for months but she has this way, it's hard to explain to make you lower your guard and share information. She recently came around to see the dc when dh was away for work, dh said she would 'help out' and 'she hasn't seen dc in ages' . She was more interested in trying to talk to me giving me unsolicited advice than interacting with her grandchild she hadn't seen in a few months. So she started sharing her childhood experiences with me telling me how her parents where both narcissists who had little interest in her and never pushed her etc. Then went on to tell me her father beat her so much her ribs were broken. This is why she is so involved in her children's lives she said. So I believed her and felt sorry for her and shared more than I should have with her, like things about my own childhood experiences. Things she can use against me or tell others who I wouldn't want to know or try to lower my defences in the future. So I asked my husband about his grandfather beating mil as a child and he knows nothing about it. He said "She never told me this".
So now I'm thinking was she lieing wasn't she? Was this just a trick to get me to share more information than I should. I'm so stupid I feel like crying. I am sure she has lied in the past about more minor things. Do you think she was lieing? Thanks if anyone read this and any replies.